confessions

As part of my New Year's resolution this year, I'm trying to be more open. So to begin, my friends, here are some of my confessions :)

• I cannot pronounce this word---vinyl.
• Or---chipotle.
• I went to almost every Utes game this season, but the rules of football are still a mystery to me.
• I miss my month of vegetarianism.
• I compulsively lie sometimes.
• I am dreading this summer.

For now, that's all. Happy 2oo9.

Love, Jennifer

snowboarding.

So this will be quick since I have to leave in 4 minutes, but here goes what's been happening lately.

yesterday i hit up the canyons for my first day of snowboarding. it was so hard! berto warned me that my first day would be horrible because it was so frustrating, and he was definitely right. I spent like two hours on the bunny hill ( haha) just trying to figure out the whole thing, and I fell on my butt sooo many times. My left cheek is in pain today! haha.

don was with me and I feel horrible because I'm afraid I was mean to him. I was so frustrated and getting angry that I wasn't immediately getting it (irrational, i know). He tried to help but I wouldn't talk to him, and yet he didn't give up or get angry in return. Which reminds me why I love him.

So there is my first experience. It kind of sucked, but I will try again :) haha.

Love, Jennifer

free music sunday

Dear Blog Family,

Because I really love you all, and also because I have been seriously slacking in bloggage, I feel I should present you with a gift, so here it is. Free music time! In my adventures on the internet, the following list contains the most-worthwhile bunch of downloads I've found. Some of them are just nice while others are freaking awesome. ....oh, and they're free. (click the title for link)

Nine Inch Nails--The Slip
Hooray! Free full-album download from an artist. I was iffy about them at first for some reason, but it's actually really cool stuff. You might have to subscribe to their newsletter or something...I don't really remember...but it's definitely worth it.

P is for Panda Mix Tape: Vol. 1
Just click this link and all your wildest dreams will come true! Except really. I don't know what this thing is, but it's free, and it's kind of folk-y Jeb sort of music. It totally made my day when I found it. Be advised that the songs by "pasadena" are more in the country genre, but the rest rocks. Also, you'll probably need an amazon account to download them, and also this amazon downloader thing. both free and pretty easy. or at least I thought.

Badman, Has it Really Been 10 Years?Also from amazon. Also puzzlingly free and awesome. Still in the Jeb music genre. Still free. Another compilation of cool music....I hadn't heard of any of it, except for My Morning Jacket, but I found a lot of new stuff I like.

Deep Elm Sampler No. 8 "Bonfire of Trust"This one's from amazon again, and is released by a label called Deep Elm. More sweet stuff, so check it out.
That's all for now. If I stumble upon any more, I'll be sure to share the love. And hey, if you know of any yourself, link them in comments!

Love, Jeb

PS--If you're on Bebo, add "iTunes US" (or something like that) as a friend, and they give out a free playlist from iTunes every month. Sweet. Also, on iTunes they release about 2 or 3 tracks (sometimes good, sometimes crappy) and occasionally a music video for free every week. :)

infinite.

Perfect fall moment today. I stumbled upon this little tiny circle of trees off the side of the sidewalk, with a bench in the middle. The sunlight was streaming down through the branches and leaves were raining down. There was no way I could possibly resist it. Lying there on the bench, staring at nothing and smelling leaves and dirt and all kinds of other fall smells, I felt exactly what Charlie was talking about in the book "the perks of being a wallflower." I felt perfect. I felt content. I felt infinite.

Love, Jennifer

ice cream

Good deed of the day:
I was walking into the building, and there sits an ice cream sandwich in the wrapper, most likely melting. I thought of the janitor who would be really pissed off once it made an ice-creamy mess and he/she had to clean it up. so I definitely threw that thing away. Act of kindness? I'd say so. ha.

Love, Jennifer

excuse!

Guess who's already slacking? I am. I swear to you I have a legit reason though.

Last night I have these weird dreams where all these students are running down a hill. And I feel a wave of nausea but think to myself "i can just stick this out, I'll feel better," which makes me feel slightly better. Then a student runs by and says, "oh no you can't. you are definitely going to throw up. you are incredibly sick." and then I feel so nauseous again. I'm only half dreaming but I can't get out of this cycle and I can't think of anything besides this hill.

Finally I get up and go into the bathroom at like 4 in the morning. I'm just standing in front of the toilet feeling horrible, but nothing's happening, which is even more frustrating. Eventually I throw up but it doesn't make me feel that much better so I end up sitting on the floor of the dorm eating chunks of Morgan's bread (sorry...) and drinking some water.

That, apparently, is not helpful either because I end up waking up at 5:30 and throwing up again, this time it's worse. So note to self, don't eat anything else. That's about how I got to this point, still in bed because I feel too crappy to get up for any reason.

So, my apologies. Good deed for today: I would really like to use the bathroom, being sick and all, but C is in the shower with some guy, so I've been leaving them alone. Seriously though, this is a really long shower.

Love, Jennifer

spread the love

Alright, so here's my new idea. Each day I'm going to blog and tell you about one act of kindness I've done. First of all, this is a good idea because random acts of kindness are great for everyone! And second, maybe now I'll start blogging on a regular basis, which I've totally been slacking at lately.

Today I was sitting in my Anthropology class. And it's a lecture. For the most part I've actually been pretty interested in all of it so far, but at this point it kind of feels like a repeat of stuff I've already heard, and it can get really boring. I was sitting there, mostly asleep, when I heard the girl next to me say "there's a spider on your back!" Yeah, I woke up pretty quickly. And I saw the guy right in front of me with a spider on his back, and it freaked me out, so I took my pen and flicked it away. Crisis over---the guy thanked me, and again when we were leaving class. And I felt pretty good about this whole thing, and came up with the blog/acts of kindness idea. So there you have it.

Love, Jennifer

garden state.

Last night I watched Garden State with Natalie, Britta, and Berto. It was a nice movie, but one quote stuck out to me.

"You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone. You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist."

It was kind of this weird moment where I was like, "whoa. I think that's me." I don't feel like I really live in my parents' house anymore, but I'm not really sure if I live in salt lake either. And the more I think about it, instead of gaining more of myself by going to college, it's like I've lost the old person. And now I'm trying to pick up the significant pieces and make myself. It's....bewildering. I don't know who to be because I don't know what's important. After 3+ years of trying to figure this out, you'd think I'd have an answer. I don't. I can't even remember who I was when I left.

Love, Jennifer

My list.

M was telling me yesterday about one of the books she is reading in a class, where the author writes these lists of things every now and then. Just....lists. lol. And then M told me about how her class spent the day creating lists and reading them to each other. All of this made me want a list of my own, so here it is.

Things I shouldn't like, but do.

• Drinking water that tastes just a little bit chlorine-y. It only happens occasionally, depending on where I fill my bottle, but when I get some I love it. It's almost addictive.
• Taking a nice hot shower, then in the last fifteen seconds, turning the water cold. It's really shocking and like Ahhhhhhhhhh! Why!? but I enjoy it.
• Wearing a swim cap. (guess what--I started trying to actually swim again. crazy, i know) It makes me look so goofy, but I love feeling like I have a bald head, hahaha
• This really weird rubbery smell that saturates the bike room. I'm guessing it's the smell of bike tires. But I like it.
• Freaking myself out. For instance, whenever I'm somewhere driving or walking around and I don't see people for a few minutes, I imagine that I am the last person on earth after some horrible disaster. It gives me the creepiest feeling, but I do it all the time, haha.

Well I think that's a good list for now. :)

Love, Jennifer

life in pictures

To be honest, I have no idea where to start. But here is my life in photos for the past couple (or few) weeks...


This is me (my feet...) riding in my new (really cool!) friend Bronzson's hippie van. This thing is sick. Taylor's in shotgun and Alex is sitting on the bed in the back next to me. We drive around burning incense and listening to chili peppers or 311. Good times.

Here is Taylor reading to Bronzson and I at Sam Wellers bookstore. Alex is somewhere making sausages fall off walls or looking at books of tattoos.

This is Sigur Ros! I went to the concert with Morgan and our floormate Erin, who also has excellent taste in music. It was soooooooo fantastic. I've never heard anything more beautiful in my life!
This is at Oktoberfest, which was on Thursday. Haha. Those are men playing bells and accordions and some swiss horns and stuff. It reminded me of Swiss Days in midway, actually....and also I got a free hotdog. Hooray!
This is just mysterious. Last week, these appeared ALL OVER campus overnight. I'm pretty sure it's paint made from flour and water, but the school still got pissed cause they had to clean them up. On my way to class one morning, I counted like 70 of them, just on the route I was walking. There were probably hundreds of them all over, and the crazy thing is, no one knows what it means. Morgan and I think it may be some sort of social experiment or possibly someone is trying to get someone to propose to them or something. Who knows. Crazy though.


So that's my life as of now. I am happy. I hope you are too.

Love, Jennifer

This doesn't work.

Ineffective ways to write an essay:

• Put it off until the night before it's due.
• Watch one (or more) episodes of the Office for creative influence.
• Invite friends over of any kind.
• Check your email.
• Write a blog.

Love, Jennifer

So...

Here is a hard lesson.

Everything matters. All of it. Even the stuff you think doesn't, it does.

Love, Jennifer

don't even read this.

So here is how my day went...

Woke up, writing class, eat, IT class.
....................................................................................
That was a lot of nothing.

Printed some stuff for classes, more boring than it sounds.

Listened to lots and lots of 30-second music clips, discovered Fleet Foxes. Wanted to contact people, didn't.

Left the dorm, which was starting to feel claustrophobic. Walked to the trax station to go somewhere, then left after sitting for a couple minutes cause I didn't even have anywhere i wanted to go.

Walked back up campus to the druggie grove, laid in the grass and achieved a state of semi-sleep. Woke up and felt funny. Walked up to Chapel Glen and fell asleep on the grass with Alexia and Sarah.

Woke up later after they left and went to the HC. Ate food. Wanted to contact more people again, still didn't.

Came back, endured fire drill. Now typing this. Now leaving. haha.

Such a boring day.

Love, Jennifer

kidneys

Here is a thought from an essay I read in my writing class. M and I discussed this, and I've been thinking about it a lot...

"After learning that thousands of people with failing kidneys die each year while waiting for a transplant, he contacted a Philadelphia hospital and donated one of his kidneys to a complete stranger.
...he says that the chances of dying as a result of donating a kidney are about one in four thousand. For him this implies that to withhold a kidney from someone who would otherwise die means valuing one's own life at four thousand times that of a stranger, a ratio Kravinsky considers 'obscene.'"

From "What Should a Billionaire Give?" by Peter Singer


So that's a big enough concept to keep one occupied for a bit of time considering. I know I have. Anyway, that's all for now.

All the love I could possibly give,
Jennifer

This Big Picture

I woke up about an hour ago, which I was actually thankful for today because I was having the most horrible dream. I dreamt that the school year was over, and my parents were here picking me up to go home for the summer. Except everyone else got to stay here at school. I've got to say, I haven't felt such extreme sadness and despair in a long time! Anyway, I tell you this, because it might help to explain how I feel about this place, although I have only been here for three weeks.

I love it's newness, which still hasn't worn off, and I love meeting so many new, great people. To be honest, it's been extremely difficult staying true to the things I thought were unmovable in my life. It's hard to be different. Specifically, it's a challenge to be LDS. Pretty much everyone I've met have been genuinely good people, but not all of them have the same moral code as I do. Sometimes the general vibe I get is, If you're a Mormon, why don't you just go to BYU? Good question. I've asked myself that as well, but I honestly have no answer. It just never seemed right, whereas the U really did. Anyway, I've been spending my days trying to navigate this new life, thinking of questions I don't immediately have the answer to. I have been trying to figure them out, however. (A couple of you can attest to this!)

My point is, I love this school. I am loving a school that doesn't necessarily love me back. For once I am a religious minority! But it does accept me. But I think that soon I will figure out who I really am, and how I fit into this big picture.

That's my thought for today. I was happy to wake up.

Love, Jennifer

excuses and music of the week

Hi :) So, I've been home this weekend but haven't really seen people, which sucks because that's what I was planning on doing. I ended up just doing a lot of stuff with my family, and taking care of a lot of other things for school. Blah. Hopefully I'll get to stop by Enano's tomorrow morning before I head back, and maybe I'll get to see some people there. That would be nice.

Anyway, that's about all I have to say for today. This past week has sounded like the album "Hopes and Fears" by Keane. Especially "Might as well be strangers" and "untitled 1." If you have them, go listen. I had forgotten how much I loved them.

Love, Jennifer

love/not so much

Here is what I love about college:

• A really relaxed schedule. Three classes a day, max. The ability to choose whether I attend or not, no one forces me to do anything. Professors who don't mind when you show up late or leave early.
• Having to exercise all the time. Walk, walk, walk. Biking back up campus is brutal and wonderful.
  
• MEETING PEOPLE!!! I've been having these random conversations with strangers all over. While eating breakfast, at the bus stop, in the elevator on the bridge, everywhere. Really cool people.
• Being exposed to all kinds of new. New faces and names, new cultures, new music, new ideas. Reading an essay about one student's love of writing as an art, a thing of absolute and eternal beauty.
• Being scared. Because I know it means I am evolving.

Here is what I don't like so much about college:

• TRAX cars that smell really bad. Enough said.
• Not knowing where to find stuff. Haha. But I'm actually figuring it out pretty well, which is a feat for me. I usually have no sense of direction at all.
• Having homework again. Sick. But predictable. Not even busy work.
• Not knowing people. But this is two sided, because it's alternately this opportunity to meet lots and lots of people that are different from me and amazing.
• Not being around people from Heber anymore. I miss you guys a whole freaking lot.

I will be home this weekend; give me a call!

Love, Jennifer

The U

so college.....kind of crazy. And I really, seriously had my doubts but it just takes time I suppose, and things always get better. What a weird adjustment! Anyway, I met a really cool person tonight whom I think I will get to see at some point again, and thought I'd share the good news.

Doesn't change the fact that my heart is fractioned into pieces and spread all over everywhere now. I miss you all. And will see you soon. :) And that is a promise.

Love, Jennifer

From the sketchbook...

Sharpie art.



Love, Jennifer

I Heart Olympics

So I really absolutely love watching the summer Olympics. I could do it for hours, and I'm not even kidding. And this is saying a lot because I don't even watch TV very much! So anyway, I was kind of thinking about this the other day, and then Natalie told me about her dream which was basically the same idea I had. So here is what I think the blog family would compete in if we all made it to the Olympics....

Morgan: marathon running
Hannah: Sailing
Me: Gymnastics
Britta: Rowing
Natalie: Fencing
Erin: Swimming
Randi: Swimming
Tish: Table Tennis
Michael: Beach Volleyball
Neil: Diving
Berto: Archery
Creighton: Water polo


Why do I pick these things? you ask. Haha I don't know. As is the case with most of my thoughts on blog posts/choices in life/clothing worn each day, all I can say is, it just seems right.

Much love, Jennifer

By the way, Ugly is the new Beautiful

sunday.

There's something really intimidating about this blank white blog box, don't you think? I never really know how to start these things. Ha. 270+ posts and you would think I'd have it figured out by now.

So I'm aware that I've been kind of slacking in the bloggage lately, so I apologize for that. I've mostly just been running around all over, trying to postpone the inevitable. Only eleven days until I move away. Fifteen until classes start. Agh, weird. Scary. But anyway, enough of that...

Well, I honestly have nothing to say...usually by now something would have popped out of my brain, but I have nothing at the moment, so I'll just end by providing you, my faithful readers, with a list of my favorite internet time-wasters. A valuable waste of time, I'd say!

www.stuffwhitepeoplelike.com Really, ridiculously funny.

www.postsecret.com It kind of changes my life every week...

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3842331/ The Week in Pictures. Enough said.

www.runzuzanarun.blogspot.com
A Slovakian athlete and student at the U's blog about the olympics. Hooray!

That's all. See you all soon, I'm sure.

Love, Jennifer

Vegetarian Month

Well, here we are. I feel kind of strange because I have this insane urge to blog, but I'm tired of the thoughts that circle my head over and over and really have nothing to say.

I guess I can tell you how vegetarian month is going. For July I decided to try being vegetarian for a month for a few reasons.

1) To better understand my dear friend M
2) Because she always talks about how much better she feels without meat. Which always sounds good, feeling better.
3) I have this strange habit of choosing to do things that I know will be difficult for me. Giving up things, etc. It's the exercise of willpower that I love, not that I'm especially against what I'm giving up.
4) To say I did it.

So anyway, today is day #20. And I must say, being vegetarian is really not very difficult. Sometimes I would really like to eat meat (like when my parents have something meat-filled for dinner, it's independent food night for me), but I don't miss it all that much. It's kind of like the soda thing. I miss it now and then, but after a certain amount of time, you realize that you really don't need things as much as you thought you did. And it feels kind of good, if only for a month or however long this lasts, to free myself from things, to prove what I can do.

The one obstacle I've encountered during this little experiment is the social eating of meat. Haha. It's been a little weird to maneuver my way out of social situations where people are eating meat, or offering it to me. I feel rude saying no, and honestly, a lot of people would scoff at my month of vegetarianism (be honest. you were smirking to yourself when you started reading this.) so I'm a little bit cautious about telling people.

The cool thing is, I've started to notice a difference. I actually do feel better. I feel a whole lot better about the drastic decline in the amount of cholesterol-laden foods I've been eating. And as a side effect, I'm eating a ton more fresh fruits and vegetables to make up for what I would've eaten in meat and related dishes. I think I'm finally drinking as much water as I should per day. And I've found I really don't like sweet, sugary things as much as I used to either. Hooray!

So I'm contemplating continuing for the rest of the summer. And after that I will probably start eating small amounts of meat again, mostly because I think I'll have a lot harder time once fruits and vegetables go out of season, because they make up a large part of my diet right now. But strange as it is, and despite my expectations, I actually liked doing this. And I LOVE veggie burgers. (You wouldn't believe how hard it is to get your hands on those things. :) )

Love, Jennifer

The Soundtrack To My Life

I'm always amazed how well music is able to define the moments of my life that even I cannot.

Wolfmother's "Vagabond" knows exactly what freedom feels like this summer. It knows what speeding down a hill on your grandmother's bicycle, arms outstretched, putting your trust in absolutely everything and nothing feels like.

Our Lady Peace's "Thief" knows what hope is made of. What fear and reluctance and that indefinable possibility of something lovely feels like.

Elbow's "Mirrorball" knows what it means to be yourself, and nothing else. It knows what self-acceptance feels like. Unconditionally.

John Butler Trio's "Ocean" knows, more than any other, what pure exhilaration sounds like.

The White Stripes' "Sugar Never Tasted So Good" knows how to define that feeling of new experiences, of feeling proud of what you're doing at the moment and who you're with.

Sigur Ros' "Ara Batur" knows what love sounds like. Love at any level, any moment, any setting. It knows what vulnerability is, and how beautiful that can be.

Good night. :)

Love, Jennifer

Bereft

Where had I heard this wind before
Change like this to a deeper roar?
What would it take my standing there for,
Holding open a restive door,
Looking down hill to a frothy shore?
Summer was past and the day was past.
Sombre clouds in the west were massed.
Out on the porch's sagging floor,
Leaves got up in a coil and hissed,
Blindly striking at my knee and missed.
Something sinister in the tone
Told me my secret my be known:
Word I was in the house alone
Somehow must have gotten abroad,
Word I was in my life alone,
Word I had no one left but God.

Robert Frost

I am dreaming. I can do anything I want.

I have made progress in dreaming lucidly. I was talking with Morgan the other day about how I'd stopped trying for a long time because it's such work and because it made me so tired to keep trying. She convinced me I should continue, so I did. On monday, I kept telling myself, This is a dream. This is a dream. This is a dream. before I fell asleep so I would remember to recognize it.

In the dream I had, I was walking through this gravel parking lot sort of place, and saw a man standing there, so I began to walk towards him. As I was a few feet away, I thought to myself, I am dreaming. I can do anything I want. So I walked up to him and took his face in my hands and kissed him on the lips! I didn't really know him, and had no reason to do this, except for I've always kind of thought that if I realize I'm dreaming, and want to test it, I will kiss someone and see what happens.... so in this dream, it worked out. I knew I was dreaming! It was an insane, strange feeling. But I forgot to pay attention to the thought and it began to slip away.

This is the problem I always have, even if I do realize I'm dreaming, or get some glimpse of that thought, it takes a lot of concentration to hold on to it. Attention span in the dream world is significantly shorter than in real life! So holding on to the fact that it is a dream is like trying to hold water in your hands....it slips away, little by little in this steady stream, until soon you have nothing at all, and you've forgotten.

It's a big step, however. I can't wait until it happens again.

Love, Jennifer

Zune vs. iPod

So, it has finally happened, the moment I have been dreading somewhere in the back of my mind. My zen, my mp3 player, has finally reached the end stages of its life and is quickly picking up speed on the downhill. Sad news, I know. But now I have a predicament, which I think you may be able to help me with!

My replacement will be either an 80gb Zune (red!) or an 80gb iPod. But which one?? Here's how it breaks down.

Zune:

pros

• red color
• video
• lots of space
• relatively few problems (that i've heard)
• excellent customer service
  
• just kind of awesome in general

cons

• no scroll wheel
• more difficult to share music with other people
• the world revolves around iPods

iPod

pros

• scroll wheel
• video
• lots of storage
• the world revolves around them
• easy sharing of music with the other zillion people who own them.

cons

• I hate it when my things break, and...
  
• they seem to have a lot of problems....
• which apple sucks about correcting easily for you.

Well, that is about all I have. If I got an iPod, by the way, it would probably be white. And both of these cost exactly the same. This is a difficult decision. I think I may be leaning towards the Zune though...? I would love to hear your opinions.



me...............
or me.............................?

Love, Jennifer

Updated

So, the blog has a new outfit, which I like a lot. I like you a lot too. Going to bed (maybe) now.

Love, Jennifer

plummeting

Skydiving is something that I've always thought would be really cool (I mean really, really cool...) and just a little bit crazy, and I've come to the decision that I have to do it. And I'm serious! I think this will count as my irresponsible use of graduation money (as dictated), and will be one of those incredible, priceless life experiences that I need to have. When will the time ever be better to experience life than at the present?

Pope Paul VI said, "Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day. Do it! I say. Whatever you want to do, do it now! There are only so many tomorrows."

That is why I want to jump out of a plane and fall through the sky. Because I am dying; because we are all dying; because even if I live to be a century old, I only have 81 years, 2 months, and 28 days to accomplish, feel, and experience everything I want to on earth. And that is far, far too little time.

Love, Jennifer

The Present Tense

My "project," if you will, so far this summer has been a major clean-out of my room. Major. It started with the closet, which was ridiculous and in need of an overhaul, but I got carried away in the magic of a fresh start and went through everything else as well. Anyway, in this course of events, as well as with a close examination of myself, I've come to realize something.

I hold on to the past like no other. I keep bits and pieces of things with the mentality that those useless little sentiments will help me to...what? Keep me connected to the safe, happy times that I've had, perhaps. Maybe this is why photography seems so natural to me. (Pause. I am absolutely not condemning photography as "useless" or anything else like that. It is art. That is all.) It's a preservation thing sometimes. I preserve those ticket stubs and those souvenirs like there's no tomorrow...and I'm not even using that phrase idly right now.

And at the same time, the future preoccupies my thoughts way more than it should. Seriously, I turn the scenarios and "ifs" over and over in my mind until I'm sufficiently worried and confused and don't trust myself anymore. I plan and think and plan, but the truth is, most of life can't be planned or thought out; it just has to happen, and be experienced as it does.

So in the midst of all this, the grasping onto the good times of the past, and ripping apart the future in my mind, I forget about...the present. Oh, right. That. It seems so absurd that I would forget about the very moment I'm living in, but I swear, it happens about 90% of the time. And the crazy thing is, when I take the time to make myself stop and breathe, and simply be, I can't believe I ever waste any time doing anything else!

Jon Foreman said, "Here's what I wish someone had told me before I graduated from high school: Respect the present moment. We're looking for the next thing and the next thing--graduate from high school, then graduate from college, then get a job--we plan the whole thing out. With that type of mentality we miss the present tense; we miss the exciting amazing event that the 'now' is."

So there it is. How much better would life be if we just lived in the "now" and nothing else? I can hardly imagine. But that kind of brings me full circle...the cleaning out of everything useless and outdated from my life, it's become this catharsis for me; a symbolic representation of the fears I'm shedding as I move forward and experience things rather than analyze them all out of context before they happen. I've loved every single event that's brought me to the moment I'm in now, but those times can't be my safety raft anymore. It's kind of terrifying at moments to start over, but like a breath of fresh air at the same time. Here's to being fearless, to stepping forward without really knowing, and to living life as it happens.

Love, Jennifer

well hello

hello world,

so not much to talk about has been happening since i returned from mexico. just so you all know, i'm working on the massive blog that contains details from the trip, so that should be up once i have a spare moment to type it all up. this week i started the new job at the golf course, which has been unexpected and a little bit crazy, but i actually do have some sort of weird fun doing various golf course duties. despite the fact that i can only sleep until 5:30 max these days, summer is going well. i do want to see all of you though! all of this work may drive me crazy soon unless i start seeing lots of you! more later...

love, jennifer.

The Mexico Trip

Ah, Mexico. My new favorite place. M, H, and I spent a week at a resort in Bucerias after graduation and what follows is, more or less, a full account of the happenings...

Monday, May 26

We're here in Mexico, which is fantastic beyond words! H, M, and I left along with M's family at 5 a.m. I really hate airports, and don't even like flying that much, but getting to travel is well worth the sacrifice! At about 3 p.m. we landed in Puerto Vallarta, where we were immediately bombarded by taxi drivers and shuttle and luggage guys. After a short drive, we arrived at our hotel, which is almost beyond description. The buildings are painted every color imaginable, and none of it is indoors--everything, including our room, just have these outside hallway sort of things. It's so cool. Our room has a perfect view of the ocean, which is only about 100 feet away! Ah, the ocean! I am truly in love. The first thing we did when we got here was go swimming, then got dressed and went to dinner--mm--then walked on the beach some more.

After awhile, we couldn't stand it anymore, and even though it was dark, changed back into our swimsuits to go swimming in the ocean at night. For about an hour and a half, M, H, and M's brother and I frolicked in the waves, trying to catch them to ride. It was so much fun and so addicting, but I'm really tired now.

Today we saw this couple being married on the beach. They were so funny, but completely perfect for each other; you could tell. The three of us talked to them and congratulated them, and the groom was a little bit tipsy but otherwise both were very happy.

I can hear the ocean now--roaring, crashing, majestic, free. All of the things I love about it. Goodnight, or do I say?--Buenos Noches.

Tuesday, May 27

Another beautiful day! The weather here is really nice--it's always warm, but it's been kind of cloudy so there isn't blazing sun. And the ocean is always warm and lovely. Somehow I managed to get a little sunburn on my face, even though I wore sunscreen.

Today we played in the ocean a lot again, which is something I will never get tired of. In the morning we rented kayaks and paddled around. I definitely got tossed overboard within the first two minutes....making it out past the surf was harder than it looked! Once outside on the water, the four of us just kept going further and further, and everytime I turned around to look back, I couldn't believe I was actually here, and I couldn't believe how lucky I am.

Later on, we checked out boards to bodysurf with, which I really, really love! There's just something about that rush you get when you can catch an excellent wave just right that's a little bit addicting.

Lunch today was good, and dessert was--as always--my favorite. They have the most wonderful ice cream here, really creamy and rich. I usually end up eating as much dessert as food, but it probably evens out because we spend so much time every day fighting against the waves as we play in the ocean.

At around four I finally took a break from the water to lie on the beach and take a nap. What I really love about being here is that there are no schedules, no clocks anywhere, it's just the sun and the ocean and the sky.

I really miss having a guitar though. I keep having these moments where everything is so perfect, it just feels like a song, and I have no instrument to get it out. Maybe when we go to the flea market sort of thing, I could find a really cool Mexican guitar? That would be so fantastic.

We walked down the beach today to the regular part of Bucerias, where there are restaurants and little shops all over. It's kind of strange, but one of the things I like the most is seeing the streets, dirty and broken as they are. I love our resort, but the little narrow streets and chipped colors everywhere feel so much more authentic and telling. As we were walking down the beach, there was the most beautiful boy, about my age, just sitting in the sand and staring at the ocean. I wished I knew Spanish because I wanted to talk to him, to find out what he was thinking. Sometimes those little moments make me think that there are really copies of myself spread out all over the world, and it makes me want to travel even more.

I've decided that when I die, part of my ashes should be scattered into the ocean, because it already contains a big enough piece of my heart.

Wednesday, May 28

Today was a lot, a lot, a lot of fun. Our entire group went on this zip line canopy tour through the jungle. I loved it! There were about fourteen or fifteen of these cables stretched across through the trees and over a river. We had little harnesses that clipped on, and--true to name--we zipped down.

After the zip line we got to play with some monkeys, which are so incredibly curious, and also very cute. Everyone loved those. Then we got to hold this huge python, which made me a tiny bit nervous, but was still my favorite out of all the "animals." There was also this toucan, who was so beautiful! he was black, with really bright red and yellow and blue (and maybe green?) feathers on his chest. And finally there was a tarantula! That one freaked me out; I let it crawl on my chest and face, and it was the strangest sensation. he had tiny little prickly hairs all over, and his legs felt kind of spiny on the ends. M's brother even let the guy put it in his mouth, which really freaked me out! It was still a really cool experience though.

We all had dinner tonight at this restaurant called The Piccolo, which is Italian themed, and actually pretty good. The food here is usually pretty good, but not spectacular, but I was really impressed with this one. I had some sort of chicken dish (I forget the name) with a caesar salad and tiramisu for dessert. The presentation was beautiful, and as always, I loved the tiramisu, which was rich and creamy and wonderful.

Clubbing tonight!!

Thursday, May 29

I'll start with the "Disco." It was crazy--not because it was an especially out-of-control place, but because I don't go to bars, or clubs, or any of that kind of thing. M and I got there around 12 or 12:30, and there was hardly anyone there, only about six women and a guy on the dance floor, and a few creepy guys sitting around on the top level and by the bar. We started dancing with the other people on the floor, which was fun, mostly because the guy was gay and really enthusiastic. More people slowly trickled in, and started dancing, and I recognized a couple (I'm not sure if I mean that literally) from the zip line. Other than that everyone was just random and new to me, but we danced with them anyway and had a good, smoky, sweaty (this is mexico!) time. Everyone carried their cameras around on their wrists or whatever and some girl snapped a picture of M and I dancing, so I suppose we'll we showing up on the internet somewhere sometime soon.

After awhile we got really thirsty and took a break to get a drink and play foosball. I felt kind of funny ordering a virgin margarita in this club, but it was good and no one noticed anyway.

Today we went to this waterpark and had a Sea Lion encounter, which was pretty cool. They're so big!.....

One of the things I love about Mexico is how friendly--and funny!--the people are. There's this one guy, the singer from the band that plays here, who we always see that reminds me of someone off of Full House. He's such a cool guy; every time we see him, he pretends to be upset that we're breaking some sort of rule. Last night we were sitting on these outdoor couches and he came to "tell us" to get our feet off, but he was really just messing with us. And somehow we always believe him! (Speaking of outdoor couches...I love these! There are little living rooms set up all over the resort with only a roof overhead. They're perfect to hang out in. I wish I had one at my house!) Anyway, I'm really in love with just about everyone I meet here.

So M has gotten sick, which really sucks. She thinks that it was something she ate or drank, which really freaked me out, but everyone else seems to be fine so far.

Today I bought a tiny pair of turquoise earrings for $1--the first thing I've bought so far besides an ice cream at the water park. Shopping tomorrow however, where I'm sure I'll make up for it.

Friday, May 30

As much as I've fallen in love with all of the other cities I've visited--Chicago, San Francisco, Nashville even--I've come to love absolutely everything about Bucerias and about Mexico so much more! I will definitely leave a big part of my heart here when we leave.

Today we got to sleep in, which was excellent. There's nothing like waking up to the ocean in the morning to make you sure it will be a good day. After breakfast, where I had what was probably the best omelet on earth, we all walked down the beach to the market to do some shopping. It took me a little bit to get used to bargaining, but once I got over the fear it actually ended up being pretty fun. I got some things for my family and friends, and a little for myself. Mostly, it was just insanely hot. We were baking out there, with only these floor fans in the shops to move the air around.

It was so crazy--on one street corner, I looked over and there was this group of people sitting around with a pet badger tied up. It's so bizarre when I see stuff like that.

After we got back and I took a little time to get some water and convince myself I was just sick from the sun and not food poisoning, H, M, and I went down to the pool. We found a tiny little circular one and mostly just splashed around (water feels soooo nice) and laughed a lot, a lot, a lot.

There's this guy that I keep noticing all week, who has really pale skin and almost red hair, and he's always with this asian guy. Anyway, he just intrigues me for no reason, and I keep seeing him everywhere. M and I kept looking over at them across the other pool... after awhile, we were getting out and drying off, and he walked straight over to us to ask if we were going to the disco tonight. We said possibly and after a bit he left, and we went back up to our room. Anyway, I'm excited to go tonight and see what happens with that.

So tonight was "Mexican Fiesta" night at the resort, and it was so much fun! They had this mariachi band walking around being festive, and the guy who goes around dressed like a woman was there again. I love that guy! We went around playing games for awhile, earning fake Mexican money that we could use later at the auction. The three of us together got $6600 pesos, and tried to buy this ceramic fish, but didn't get it. All that was left was a bottle of tequila, so we gave our money to the people in front of us, but they just gave it back with theirs and told me to yell "once mil!" which is $11,000. We still got outbid, so we gave it all to this guy on our right, who kept getting more and more donations. It turned into this crazy bid war between him and one other person, and it ended up at like $90,000 pesos, but our guy lost. It was fantastic though; so much fun.

The people in front of us, who it started out with, were such a cool family. There were the parents and their three sons, two who were about our age or a little bit older, and an older son. One of the younger sons was so attractive! He was like a Mexican version of an indie kid with longish hair, a t-shirt, a vest, skinny jeans, and vans. Oh, and of course, the black framed glasses.

Really good day. Really, really.

Saturday, May 31

Last night was really fantastic and so much fun! M and I started walking over at about 12:00, and we passed the asian and the pale guy going the opposite way. When we got inside we noticed the three guys from the auction sitting at a table, and the older guy kind of waved when we walked by. While we were getting our drinks, he came up and asked us if we wanted to dance, so we said yes and left our drinks at their table and went to dance with him. The other guy was with us. The older guy's name was Martin, and the other guy was Oscar, and after awhile the cute guy (who is Oscar and Martin's nephew; O and M are brothers) came up and started dancing with us too. His name is Cesar. He was such a cool dancer, in a way that's kind of indescribable and just his own.

After awhile we all went to sit down and talk. Talk is kind of a funny term here, because none of us could communicate super well with each other. Martin could speak English pretty well but Cesar and Oscar only knew a tiny bit, and neither M nor I know very much Spanish. So I sat next to Cesar and talked to him, using Martin as our translator when we couldn't find a way to say what we wanted to. We talked about music, and Cesar said he likes rock and techno, which I found out is called "psycho" in Mexico. He's in a band called "Free Minds," or "Mentes Libres" in Spanish, and he sings and plays electric guitar. He is in college for graphic design.

So we found out how old they are...Cesar is 18, Oscar is 20, and Martin is 30....which is a little weird, but whatever.

They asked us if we had boyfriends, and M said yes and I said no. Martin kept asking her about it and she had to explain that she loved him. Martin said he had a girlfriend but didn't want one while on vacation, which I thought was really crappy of him but whatever. He asked me why I didn't have a boyfriend and I said that I didn't know, that I just hadn't found anyone I really liked. After I said that Cesar asked Martin what I said for a translation, so I guess he wanted to hear the answer. I turned to Cesar and asked him if he had a girlfriend. He said no and shook his finger, which was kind of cute, I thought.

I was just sitting there, and he took off this red and white striped bracelet and held it out to me. I thought he wanted me to have it, but I was confused so I asked Martin, who translated. He said Cesar wanted me to have it, and that it was kind of a "sacrifice" (he couldn't think of the right word for this) because it was something about Cesar's favorite soccer team, but that he still wanted me to have it and it was a kind of special thing for him to give it to me. I was really floored and happy about that. He gave us his web address, then later he asked for my email address, which I gave to him.

He offered me a drink, but I told him that I didn't drink. He asked me why, and I thought for a minute to try to explain it, but I could think of no good way, so I just said that I never really wanted to. He said, "Oh. That's okay," which I thought was pretty nice of him.

At three the club started to close so we told them we had to go back and said goodbye. I didn't really know what to do, so I hugged Cesar and told him thank you for the bracelet. I think M and I will go back tonight so we can see them one more time.

Today we just played in the ocean and pool and pretty much all got sunburnt. It was still good though.

Sunday, June 1

We're on the plane now, flying home, which really sucks. I'm so sad to be leaving Mexico because I really have fallen in love with it.

Last night was crazy and wonderful and everything in between. M and I went back to the disco last night, and I was really happy to see Oscar and Cesar sitting at the same table when we walked in. We got our virgin pina coladas (the bartender laughed that we were "still virgins") and went to sit with them. We danced for awhile, then we asked them if they wanted to go take a walk with us. This was kind of hard to communicate because Martin, our translator, wasn't there, but we still got it somehow. The four of us walked to the beach and just walked, which was really fun because it took a little improvisation to get everything across. Cesar tried to teach me how to say his name correctly, which was difficult because we never roll R's in English! It was fun though. We talked about the beach, and how to say all the words associated with that, about our favorite colors and his favorite soccer team. He pointed out Puerto Vallarta and Nuevo Vallarta to me on the horizon (we were in Bucerias), and I asked him where Gudalajara was (where they live) which was in the opposite direction.

After awhile, we went back and got our shoes then went back to the disco. Cesar kind of got taken by this girl and was dancing with her, but I got over it. M danced with the asian guy for awhile, and I danced with Oscar until we decided to leave at about 2 a.m.

When we got back to our hotel, M, H, and I went back down to the beach which was all deserted, to go skinny dipping. I was really nuts...the tide was a lot lower than it usually is, so we had to go running across the sand to get to the water, then ended up like crouching there in the low waves. I'm sure it was hilarious, if anyone had been watching.

This morning we just packed and ate breakfast before checking out to go home. What a week! I've seriously left my heart in Mexico. I love everything about it. It seems like everything there is just a little more intense--the sun is brighter, the days are longer, and the people love with a passion and freeness that I want to be a part of my life.

Love, Jennifer

So.

I am officially a member of the Real World. Cool, huh?

Love, Jennifer

ps--actually, it is.

the a-word

Lately I've been thinking a lot about being "alone" and what exactly that means. I'm not really sure why; it could be because of this ridiculous impending graduation thing, or because I have the tendency to be "alone" even when I'm with people, or possibly a combination of both, or many other things. Whatever it is, I feel a lot of alone time creeping up on me, which could be either a good thing or a bad thing. I'm not sure. It's a strange feeling, being alone. I don't mean this in a complain-y way at all, but despite all the people I know and hang out with, I am essentially alone. Basically all of them have "others" of some sort, whether they be boyfriends/girlfriends, other halves, whatever. I've come to accept the fact that these "others" are (or will be) the most important part of their lives. As it should be. So where does that leave me?

Sometimes I enjoy that feeling of isolation, and can just revel in it and be happy, like today. Other days, other occasions, not so much. I think about who I am, what essential parts of myself I might find in other people, and how fantastic it will be when I find those people.

I think about this a lot, what there is out there waiting for me. It drives me absolutely insane, to tell you the truth. I have this insane hope that there are all of these perfect people for me waiting to be found, that I will soon find them, that it will work out, and make sense. And then I have this insane fear that that does not exist. That I will have to change what I'm looking for because what I envision isn't out there.

Anyway, my point is....wait, what is it? This aloneness thing, it isn't all bad, but wow is it strange. It's a strange thing to think that at this point in my life, the only thing I have holding me to one spot on the earth is my family. It's strange when I think of people who are attached to others, so seriously that it would change the direction of their lives.

Aloneness. We all have to face it at some point.

Much Love, Jennifer

Remember, Remember...

This weekend was a really interesting, really good one.

Friday, it turned out to be a really fantastic sunny day so Brady, Enano, Ed, Britta, and I went to the lake to play around in the water. It was a lot of fun...and kind of funny. I was the only one with a swimsuit, so the guys kind of just stripped to their underwear, and Britta chose to keep her pants on. haha. After that we went to DQ and made a big mess on the table. Later that night I went with M and Grant to the park in the canyon, where we ate about 6 different snack foods that we brought along. We walked down the trail sort of thing to collect this poky flowers for M...As we were all hunched over, wearing blankets, and Grant holding this butterfly net, scraping thorns off plants, I realized how completely crazy we looked. Like woodland hermits. I wished soo badly that we would've had a picture of that. When we got back to M's, we watched "V for Vendetta" which is now one of my favorite movies ever...so good! It was such a crazy day, but one of the best I've had in a long time. Hooray!

Today, I woke up and finished taking pictures of words for my photo project, then decided it was time for another bicycle ride. I took my little red bike all-freaking-over Midway. It was so much fun. About halfway through I realized my cell phone wasn't in my pocket, but I couldn't remember if I'd brought it or not so I wasn't too worried. Then when I got home my mom asked if I lost something...I said yes, probably my cell phone. (I wasn't feeling very bad because I hate that Razr. It sucks. And I have a free upgrade anyway. Oh well.) I guess some guy called from my phone to say he'd found it in the road somewhere, and then he dropped it off at my house. How kind of him! I was impressed. Anyway, that was the adventure today. After I watched P.S. I Love You (good :D ) I went to Michael's wedding reception with my parents, which was really cool and crazy at the same time. He can't get married, that was really not in the plan! Eh, what will you do.

Also, side note, I made this cool shirt by painting on a tan one with bleach! I'm so pleased with myself. haha.

Album of the day: "Adventures In The Underground Journey To The Stars" by South. It was ridiculously perfect for the day.

Love, Jennifer

today is wednesday.

Hello hello hello,

What a crazy week! By crazy I mean fantastic, because I'm basically finished with work for the year, and having a really great time basking in my freedom. I don't have too much to say, except that I'm finally working on "ocean" by John Butler Trio again, and it owns me! It's such a crazy, difficult song, but I love it so much; it's definitely worth it. Seriously, my fingers haven't hurt this much since I first started playing.

Love, Jennifer

ps--if anyone knows where i can get a cheap, (even if old) working video camera, that would be some good information for me. :D

pps--tomorrow is my last Community Lunch of the year, and of high school! ahh!

3 years

So today is a big day. It's my three-year anniversary! Blogging anniversary, that is...haha, it's definitely lasted longer than almost any other relationship I've had. I must say, it's been a fantastic three years. I feel like I've changed a lot and not changed at all. Whatever it's been, at least there's documentation, right?

Today was crazy, for sure. AP English test. Ahh. It was Hard, capital H, but I think I did alright, and I'm glad it's over. I was pretty drained for the rest of the day, but had a good time at M's house with Enano and Cameron watching "Salad Fingers," which is by far the creepiest thing I've ever seen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gNktI3AF4Q&feature=related

After work, I spent like an hour at Besto's trying to learn the drums...it's actually a lot of fun, and I feel like I'm making at least some progress, so that's good. We watched the Office then went for a drive. Hooray. And now I'm sleepy, so goodnight to you all.

Much love, Jennifer :D

rain, rain, rain

It's absolutely wonderful outside. One of those really stormy, rainy days that I love for no reason at all. It's gray, it's hazy, it's powerful, it's beautiful. The rain is pounding against the walls and windows, the thunder is booming, and I could not be happier.

my breakdown.

I was thinking today about what I really do with my life. For today, here's about how it breaks down in hours:

Sleeping: 7/24
Work (including school and homework): 8/24
Eating: 1/24
Exercising: 1/24
Free time: 7/24

Not too bad, I think. Except ideally, it would probably be less free time (although I do some pretty sweet stuff sometimes, haha), and more exercising. No less sleep! And eating is kind of important. And so is school, etc., at least until the end of may! (I didn't work today, but if I did, minus three hours of free time and put it into the work category).

So, what's my point? I don't really know. I think I'm just grateful for where I'm at in my life. I love that I have enough time to sit down and draw, or paint, or play the guitar, or whatever. Note to future Jeb: don't ever lose sight of the really important things! That's all.

Love, Jennifer

Photo Adventures

So today was day one of working on my final project. You know, I decided for this one, I will do it right. Work on it a lot, hard, and get it finished, without freaking out the last two days and spending hours after school. Plus, I have no 3rd or 4th period, so hopefully I'll be able to work during that time. Anyway, here is my adventure...

My project is a concentration of 12 photo montages (photo montage=a bunch of tiny pictures of an object, all put together, in a not-perfect way. they're great.). My subject is doors....wait, it gets better. haha. Each door will be different, and cool, and interesting. And at the bottom of each one will be a word that means opportunity or some synonym of that. I'm excited. I'm not sure if people really get the idea when I explain it to them, but I like it and think it will turn out well.

So I went to Provo today to check out their doors, and they actually had a few cool ones. The first place I went was the city library, which is this huge stone building. The door I really wanted to photograph was at the top of all of these stairs, and there was this homeless guy sitting at the bottom. I didn't really want to go over there, mostly because I had m's really nice, expensive camera. I kind of walked by, and kept walking around the building, but then felt ridiculous for feeling threatened by him for no reason. So once I got around to the front again (and still felt ridiculous), I just walked up to the steps to go up. The homeless guy was like "Who made your top?"
me: what?
h.g: your shirt, who made it?
me: oh, I don't know
h.g: I'm in fashion, and I'm always looking for labels to carry in my stores. What, did you get it at thrift store or something?
me: no, I've just kind of had it forever.

And then I walked up the stairs, shot the door really quickly, and left. haha. moving on.

I got a few other doors, but none that I really fell in love with, until I was driving around on the backstreets. There was this family outside gardening, and I looked at their door......purple with a rounded top! I simply could not pass it up! So I did a u-turn and parked in front of their house and got out with my camera. they were puzzled. I said, "Could I ask you a strange question? I'm in a photography class and doing a project on doors. Can I take some pictures of your door?" The guy had a big bushy beard and his wife was nice and earthy, and they were just kind of like "uh...sure." So I did. And their son (who was skateboarding) was definitely laughing at me. haha. oh well. My favorite door of the day, for sure.

# of comments on my shirt: 2
# of backstreets I drove down: a lot.
# of cute college guys I saw: 1. very cute.
# of cute college guys I talked to: 0. disappointing.
# of doors I actually photographed: 6
# of times I thought about how much I love my blog readers: 5 million.
Albums of the day: "We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank" by Modest Mouse, and
"Origin of Symmetry" by Muse.


Love, Jennifer

PS--I'm kind of involved in this love affair with M's camera. Really.

The end of it.

well....my night got a lot better :) All I can say is....Party at Natomba's, seeing my artwork hanging in her bathroom, tiny little puppies, David Bowie!, and talking about obsessive compulsions. I love weekends.

Love, Jennifer

how it starts out...

Well, here I am. It's the weekend, which I've been waiting for all week, and I'm sitting at home getting to that crazy-bored state.

Not much to say other than I've started working on dreaming again (it takes a ridiculous amount of work, I'm telling you), and also some self-discipline.

That's it. I'm done. I've gotta go somewhere or do something. Blah.

Love, Jennifer

sun moon stars rain

So Prom was last weekend, and I must say, I had a lot of fun. I'm not sure exactly what it was....Garrett was a fantastic, and we had a really fun date, good food, excellent DJ (for once!), lots of dancing....but I've been on a lot of others that had some or all of these things but didn't leave quite the same impression. I think I'm finally figuring out what this whole high school thing is about, which things I want to remember, which things don't matter at all, the memories I want to have, all of that good stuff. It took me 4 years to decide! But I guess what they say about only appreciating what you have when it's gone is probably true. I can feel time ticking away and it kind of makes me nervous sometimes. I am absolutely ready for the next stage of my life, but I've been happy. I've had so many good memories and met so many good people, it's hard to accept the moving on part of it all.

Anyway, there's my little sappy thought for today.


Today was an exciting milestone for me. I actually turned on the AC in my car! The weather was pristine and warm and wonderful. It gave me hope that there is spring after winter and summer after spring.

I had an interesting dream the other night. I dreamt that I fell in love with someone I know, someone who I never would have really thought about like that, but somehow it still made perfect sense in this dream. Absolutely perfect. It wasn't an especially profound dream, but it kind of made me think about life and how unpredictable it is. How sometimes what it serves is absolutely unexpected but can be better than you would've imagined. It makes me think of "sound of settling" by death cab when it says "...all the loves that could've been, if I'd only thought of something charming to say..." That's all.

wow. why do I kept slipping into this sappy, deep thought process? I am annoying even myself. Haha. Better stop.

Love, Jennifer

.

"What will I do without you?" I asked.

"Many things," he said.

San Francisco and my many Adventures!

Post #250! I'm very excited about that. So San Francisco was ridiculously fantastic, and thanks to super long bus rides, here are some notes from my adventures... (sorry about the crappy cell phone pictures....my camera died. sad stuff.)

April 17, 2008 Thursday

Wow, I am so tired! We drove all through the night to get here in a day, and I'm still trying to adjust for that lack of sleep. The bus seats were really uncomfortable and awkward to sleep in--and somehow Morgan and I didn't realize they could recline until the stop right before we got here! As we were driving past the Great Salt Lake, the sun was setting, and I was listening to Sun Kil Moon. It was just one of those amazing moments where everything feels absolutely and perfectly right. What a fantastic way to start the trip!

At around 9:30 we stopped at a rest stop and realized we were right next to the Salt Flats. I was so excited because I've never been there, and also because it's just so impressive.

Lots of gas and bathroom stops later, we got to Sparks, NV at 2:00 a.m. where we got a new bus driver, a non-sleepy one.

Finally at around 6:30 a.m. I woke up to Mr. Reynolds talking about Hooters and his wife (?!), and saw palm trees and a sunrise. California! Warmth! Everyone stopped at Starbucks or Walmart to get breakfast (and brush our teeth in the bathroom haha), then on we went. Again.

The best surprise was how beautiful and lush and green California is! I was expecting smoggy cities, but for a good 2 or 3 hours, we drove through hills and orchards. I absolutely fell in love with it, with California. :)

We stopped at this Methodist church (gorgeous!) where we had a clinic with the publisher of a concert choir song. She was really good--technical and precise.

Lunch today at In-n-Out burger, which was kind of epic in itself. And pretty good food too.

After lunch, another clinic at a college with Robin Williams! No, not really, but this conductor was so exuberant, he definitely resembled him. His style was much different--really intuitive and emotional instead of technical. A nice change, I thought.

We checked into our hotel, then had a couple hours of free time. M and I walked around outside, where the "ocean" (=mud) comes up to the hotel. Chad and Enano had tried to walk out to the water, but sank knee-deep into the mud.

We found a sign that said, "Warning! When flooded, water may contain sewage." It was hilarious, but maybe not for C&E. Ha.

A cozy cupboard at the hotel :)

Tonight we went to this Baritone performance in San Francisco. It's such an amazing city! We were in the University of California-Berkeley district, where there are a million things going on at once. Street performers, food shops, music, everywhere. It was nearly unbearable to sit in a theater full of old people in stuffy clothes while there was so much outside just screaming my name.

We got these crepes from a tiny shop for dinner, and they were fantastic. On the bus ride back to the hotel, I told Mr. Reynolds what happened to Chad, and he couldn't control the laughter. It was a good moment. Chad said he lost all his dignity, but I'm sure he found it at least a little bit funny.

Long day, but amazing. I love it here.


April 18, 2008 Friday

Today was really nice because I didn't have anything to do besides have fun. We went to Pier 39/Fisherman's Wharf, which is kind of like Navy Pier in Chicago, but way better. It's right on the bay, and just to be next to the ocean was fantastic! I love the water. And the smell. And all of it.

Mr. Reynolds in his little kids' "Cars" sunglasses. What a great guy.

We took this cruise around the bay first. At the end of the dock there were tons and tons of seals just lying there, being happy. It was so cool!

We first sailed over to the Golden Gate Bridge, which is really impressive and huge up close. It was so foggy you couldn't even see the top, and kind of cold, but fantastic anyway.


After the bridge we went around Alcatraz. I loved this part so much! It's such a beautiful, creepy place. It looks so abandoned and grown over, I hated that we couldn't actually stop and tour it.



After the cruise, we had like two hours to go on our own and explore the shops on the wharf, get lunch, and go to the aquarium, etc. Hannah, Morgan, Kami, and I went around together and had a really good time in the photo booth! Four people definitely don't fit in a photo booth, but somehow we did.

We met up with the rest of the group to catch the bus to the exploratorium. Except every bus just drove by because there were way too many of us. A hobo lady yelled at us for laughing too loud. Eventually Mr. Reynolds just made us start walking, up all of these huge steep hills. Definitely San Francisco style. I was absolutely in love with the houses there. I could see myself living in this city. Finally a bus picked us up and took us to the Exploratorium. It was a lot of fun--so many cool sciency things there.

Drinking fountain at the Exploratorium....really hard to use!

Chamber Choir and Advanced Ladies were singing at Milpitas High School tonight. The girl announcing everything was the most annoying girl on earth! And kind of incompetent... She kind of sounded like a seductive recording and repeated her speech like four times because she kept getting it wrong.

Eventually I had to go to the bathroom so I tried to follow the signs but just ended up wandering around on the lawn. The awkward kids at the doors noticed and then escorted me to the bathroom, which was kind of (really) awkward. So that was the adventure of the day. Ha.


April 19, 2008 Saturday

Today was so much fun! We went to Great America, which is a theme park kind of like Lagoon. I forgot how much I love rollercoasters! We were there for like eight hours, and spent the entire time on rides.

I got a henna tattoo of a tiny tree! It's so fantastic, probably my favorite souvenir. Haha. Come to think of it, my only souvenirs are this tattoo, a t-shirt that has nothing to do with san francisco, and some chocolate cigarettes. haha.

My henna tree...kind of light, but it got darker. Hooray!

After we left we drove for a few hours to Reno, where we'll spend the night until we leave in the morning for home.

I am absolutely and completely in love with San Francisco. Seriously. I hate to leave.



April 20, 2008 Sunday

Really long busride. Lots and lots of movies. We did start a fund called "Beards for Bells," where the choir is going to donate $100 to the bell fund if Mr. Reynolds doesn't shave his beard for two weeks. He will probably look like a mountain man. A very young mountain man.

I'm excited to get home, and have a real bed to sleep in. :D




And there you have it. My new favorite city, San Francisco.

Love, Jennifer

Off to San Francisco

I miss you already :) See you in a few, blog friends.

Love, Jennifer

Really knowing.

I was thinking yesterday. I had a really good experience with a person. I had completely misjudged her, expected things with she and I to go badly, and then was pleasantly surprised when they didn't. And as I drove home, marveling at this experience, I realized that the reason we can misjudge people like this is because we don't really know them, we don't really know what's important to them, who they are, all that. And if we took the time and effort to truly know the people we know, how much better our lives would be, and how much better the world would be. I can only think of four people that I truly know. How disappointing. I feel like I have to try harder; this is important. Anyway, my thought for today. Have a good one.

Love, Jennifer

"G"

G is for
ivory.
For diamonds,
For money,
For food in the
Starving mouth,
For black and shining oil.
For more, for more, for more.

G is for
Time.
For grasping
The minutes and seconds
In a slippery grip.
For want,
For desperation.
For more, for more, for more.

G is for
You and I.
For the lacquered past,
For the seeping present,
For the dangerous future.
My bread, your water,
Food for these starving lives.
For more. For more. For more.

Does anyone know what it is?

Love, Jennifer

10 places

So I'm definitely stealing this idea from Travis. These are ten of my very favorite (close) places to go when I want to think, or be amazed, or calm, or have a good time, or anything in between. I have a hard time putting them in order though, so these will just be in random order.

• The Duck Pond: I love this place for no reason at all! It's just a pond with some picky ducks, but I never get tired of it. I've made some really important decisions here, and had some really good talks with people. I love going with Hannah. And by myself. And everyone else. When we were younger, T and I used to ride our bikes here on nice spring sundays after church, and eat lunch, or just bask. Good memories here.

• The Grassy Grass Hill: The day I discovered it was kind of a melancholy day, and it was exactly what I needed to cope with the inevitable end of summer that was approaching. It was a fantastic day, really warm, kind of breezy. And there was the hill, like a gift to me. I still go there and sit whenever possible. The three of us belong there.

• The Hot Pots: Alright, they smell horrible, but are a lot of fun anyway. I remember the first time I saw them, with my dad. And having some interesting conversations there with people I hardly knew. Two words: truck tubbing!

• The Hill: It has the most amazing view at night! And during sunsets. I played ninjas here one day, and go to collect my thoughts. And most importantly, the most honest conversation I have ever had with anyone in my entire life (and the moment when i felt most free) took place here. It's so good for Straight Up.

• A certain secret hiking spot: It's ours, and ours alone. It's definitely a rule that no one is allowed to go here but us. Big Foot lives along the trail somewhere, probably. And his cousin Yeti. It's fantastic for taking pictures in the fall. And in the summer, we hike to the (almost?) top, and sit, and talk about life and drugs and marriage. I love it.

• JR Smith: The ultimate summer hangout spot! That intense night of hide-and-seek is filed away in the coveted "favorite summer memories" part of my brain. Britta and I buried our wish pennies in the ground here, for the rest of forever. Running through the midnight sprinklers with Morgan. Swinging :D

• Deer Creek: The "beach," where Brady karate chops a watermelon every time and we write songs, and float around on rafts. All we do is just be together here, and that's why I love it. In winter, it's all iced-over and ready for burning things (haha...) and if you go on a really clear, dark night, it looks like Alaska or something. It's impressive and beautiful.

• Well, I can't name this one: Sorry. We went here last summer to cross off an item on the list. And it was kind of cold, but really freeing. And really fun. Kind of an adrenaline rush. Getting there is half the fun. With the three of us, we told our secrets to each other. And I will never live mine down.

• The Park: Swinging! And pirate day (Tarkshooth?)! Skipping the last period of the day and going here on sunny spring days with Brady and Britta, lying on the grass. Watching people, or traffic, or nothing. It's even good in the winter, although you'll get some weird looks.

• The driving place: It's more of a route. But when I feel especially frustrated, I drive this way. It's perfect on golden fall days around 4:00. I've never gone all the way, but one day I will. By the end, I feel so much better.

Haha, well, by the end of this, I just ended up sort of alluding to memories I've had at these places. But that's okay; it's what I like best about them.

I hope I can get through school for the rest of the year. Suddenly it seems so hard.

Love, Jennifer

Good News

1) The Graduation trip is basically final. And so much more fantastic than I could've imagined.
2) Finished the last of the AP English essays today, and now I am FREE.
3) I love you all.
4) A lot.

Love, Jennifer

prom 'o8

So, as for news in Jennifer's life, today was the great day of answering Garrett for Prom. :)

When he asked me on Friday, there was this huge box on my lawn with my name spray painted all over it, and when I opened it up, there was a slightly smaller box inside. This went on for like 6 boxes. Anyway, in the very last one, a tiny box by comparison, was a paper that said, "Prom?" and "Garrett" on the other side.

To answer him, I kind of needed to find his house, but had no idea where that was. I got Kyle to go with me, since he knows, but when we got there, no one was home to answer the door! I was a little bit worried, but Kyle called Garrett to ask for the house code (so much for secrecy, haha...) and we went inside and left this pillow case over his pillow...



And left this sign with it...

Hooray! So that was my excitement for today. It's no giant bucket of pudding, but hey...

Love, Jennifer

Spring Break!

I am so in love with spring break, and it doesn't even "officially" begin until tomorrow. Last night was one of the best nights I have had in a long, long time! I went bowling with Erin, Britta, Brady, and Enano. And wow, I am not really good at bowling. But we had a really good time anyway making up names (mine: "Love and War" and "Mushu"). We broke the bowling lane like five times, but hey. We had fun.

After bowling, we picked up Randalynn and went geocaching. Google it. It's a lot of fun. We found one by the cemetery in Midway, but couldn't find the one at Memorial Hill (at this point, we tried to steal enano's car, but they drove away), and didn't really want to tromp through the snow to find the one at the grove.

We went to Erin's house (just girls now) and watched "Paris, Je T'aime," which is a little bit odd, but one of my favorite films ever! I was really happy because i think everyone else liked it too.


That's about it, but it was a really really fantastic night.

And p.s.---enano and I are having the ultimate Monopoly night tiebreaker to determine Monopoly Champion this week. We'll let you know; spectators are welcome. Warning: it gets personal and intense. lol.

Love, Jennifer

The Great Adventure

Hello,

So, here I am back at home from State FBLA. Finally. Because I am really behind on homework from being gone but hate doing it, I'm blogging instead. So, FBLA was good, really fun. In case you wanted to hear about the past three days, here it is.

On Monday we left after school for Ogden. We got to our hotel, which is unconveniently like five miles away from the conference center. That kind of sucks. I'm rooming with morgan, jenny, and natalie, which I am really excited about. As we're getting all our stuff situated, Tyler texts me and says that we're still playing the hotel game. (Anytime either of us stay in a hotel, we always have to steal something creative to bring back for the other person.) I tried to look around for stuff in our room, but like almost every hotel room, everything is bolted down. They know about people like me.

Those of us who have to use the computer for presentations have to go over to the conference center to check out the rooms and practice setting up and stuff. the rest of the people take the bus to go find a walmart. M and I practice our presentation; it goes really well. After, we're sitting in the hall and this guy comes up to us. I remember him from other FBLA things; he's a really fantastic (crazy) dancer and really...I don't even know. I just know that I really want to know him. Anyway, he asks us what event we're competing in (Community Service) and it turns out he's in the same. Hmm.

The bus is late picking us up to go back to the hotel, and M and I are getting worried because we want to go swimming really badly before the pool closes at 10:00! We had a ridiculously hard time finding our way back. The bus driver didn't really know, and we were just going off some kid's GPS on his cellphone. We got lost a lot. Eventually we ended up on this forest road going off into nowhere, and had to make a U-turn on the tiniest road ever. Quote of the night: "I see a ravine! I see a ravine!" By the time we wandered our way back to the hotel, it was like 9:55 and we couldn't swim. It was really disappointing. I wanted to have a tub party instead, but that never happened; also disappointing.

That night was uneventful (I'll explain "uneventful" later). Tuesday morning, had to wake up at 6:30 to be on the bus by 7:30. First test was at 10:00 with Jordoun (Banking and Finance, if you'd like to know), and both of us had no idea what any of it was. Completely guessed. At 10:45 was our Community Service presentation. We were ridiculously, ridiculously nervous. But it went really well, and the judges seemed to like it. It was such a relief to have finished it. After was the Banking and Finance performance part, which Jordoun and I actually felt good about despite having no idea what we were doing. After, M and i walked around so I could take pictures for my photo assignment. We were standing on the sidewalk, me trying to take pictures of this building's side, and some guy walks up and starts examining M! I kind of freaked out...turns out he was looking at her little badge thing. So then he just stands there and talks to us, telling us the history of Ogden. So strange.

After pictures, we went back inside the conference center, but still had like two hours to wait until our next test. We found this tiny little couch in the lobby, and both laid opposite ways on it, and set the alarm on my phone so we could take a nap. I'm sure it was really funny looking, considering that we had on matching suits because of the presentation. I could hear all these people walking by, and mostly all the girls had disapproving comments. The guys were funny though...many laughed, one said, "I've been trying to find somewhere to do that for two hours!" I felt much better after sleeping for like an hour.

After the nap, Business Communication test, then back to the hotel to (hooray!) change clothes. Felt so good to be out of heels. :D Tyler gave me my stolen hotel gifts. The first was a fake flower from the conference center, and the second I will never be able to top. He somehow got the little spyhole from the door! It's like having a mini pirate spyglass. It's so fantastic I can't even believe it. We met up with Hannah and the rest of the chapter, and drove to Olive Garden for dinner, where I ate a lot of food. After that, Morgan, Hannah, Besto, Michael, Natalie, and I went to the dance at the conf. center while the rest of the chapter went back to the hotel. Saw that coming. The dance was kind of disappointing. I don't know, it just lacked something it usually has. I tried to find the crazy dancing rival kid, but strangely enough, he was not even into it like usual, so didn't really get to dance with him. That was extra disappointing. I started to feel soooo sick because it was so hot in there, and I was dancing, and really full of food. Sick.

When we got back to the hotel, I just wanted to drink lots of water and sleep, so I did. In the morning Natalie told me the bad news. I have this horrible way of being a jerk after I fall asleep if I wake up for any reason. She said she had gotten out of the shower (I'd been asleep), and as soon as she walked out, I sat up really quickly in the bed and demanded, "WHAT!?" which she believed could have been "SLUT!" She was really freaked out and just stared at me for like thirty seconds, and said, "What?" and basically that was the end of the exchange. And I just seemed like a really big jerk. This has happened before. And all I can say is "WHAT!?" in the meanest way you could imagine. I feel pretty bad. Anyway...

This morning (Wednesday) I had two more tests, then nothing. We caught a shuttle back to the hotel to pack so we could check out by 11:00. After checking out, back to the conference center, where I gave Tyler his gifts. The first was some fake leaves off of a plant in the lobby that look exactly like pot leaves. ha. The second, a spring out of the couch in our hotel room.

We had a couple hours till the awards ceremony, and had M's laptop, so morgan, natalie, besto, michael and I found this empty stairwell, and plugged in the laptop to watch "Watership Down." It's possibly the most horrible cartoon ever. So sad. It was kind of just a funny situation.


At the awards ceremony, Morgan and I were kind of disappointed that we got 6th with our project, but she was still happy because our rival (dancing kid) was in 7th place. She really did not like him at all.

Then we got on the bus to go home. I felt so sad. I'd never see my rival again, and never even got to know him, which is what I wanted anyway. And this was my last FBLA event ever. It kind of sucked. But I've had some good times, so I suppose it all works out okay anyway.

Tired, but glad to be home. Bored with this post yet? It was kind of long and pointless.

Love, Jennifer