infinite.

Perfect fall moment today. I stumbled upon this little tiny circle of trees off the side of the sidewalk, with a bench in the middle. The sunlight was streaming down through the branches and leaves were raining down. There was no way I could possibly resist it. Lying there on the bench, staring at nothing and smelling leaves and dirt and all kinds of other fall smells, I felt exactly what Charlie was talking about in the book "the perks of being a wallflower." I felt perfect. I felt content. I felt infinite.

Love, Jennifer

ice cream

Good deed of the day:
I was walking into the building, and there sits an ice cream sandwich in the wrapper, most likely melting. I thought of the janitor who would be really pissed off once it made an ice-creamy mess and he/she had to clean it up. so I definitely threw that thing away. Act of kindness? I'd say so. ha.

Love, Jennifer

excuse!

Guess who's already slacking? I am. I swear to you I have a legit reason though.

Last night I have these weird dreams where all these students are running down a hill. And I feel a wave of nausea but think to myself "i can just stick this out, I'll feel better," which makes me feel slightly better. Then a student runs by and says, "oh no you can't. you are definitely going to throw up. you are incredibly sick." and then I feel so nauseous again. I'm only half dreaming but I can't get out of this cycle and I can't think of anything besides this hill.

Finally I get up and go into the bathroom at like 4 in the morning. I'm just standing in front of the toilet feeling horrible, but nothing's happening, which is even more frustrating. Eventually I throw up but it doesn't make me feel that much better so I end up sitting on the floor of the dorm eating chunks of Morgan's bread (sorry...) and drinking some water.

That, apparently, is not helpful either because I end up waking up at 5:30 and throwing up again, this time it's worse. So note to self, don't eat anything else. That's about how I got to this point, still in bed because I feel too crappy to get up for any reason.

So, my apologies. Good deed for today: I would really like to use the bathroom, being sick and all, but C is in the shower with some guy, so I've been leaving them alone. Seriously though, this is a really long shower.

Love, Jennifer

spread the love

Alright, so here's my new idea. Each day I'm going to blog and tell you about one act of kindness I've done. First of all, this is a good idea because random acts of kindness are great for everyone! And second, maybe now I'll start blogging on a regular basis, which I've totally been slacking at lately.

Today I was sitting in my Anthropology class. And it's a lecture. For the most part I've actually been pretty interested in all of it so far, but at this point it kind of feels like a repeat of stuff I've already heard, and it can get really boring. I was sitting there, mostly asleep, when I heard the girl next to me say "there's a spider on your back!" Yeah, I woke up pretty quickly. And I saw the guy right in front of me with a spider on his back, and it freaked me out, so I took my pen and flicked it away. Crisis over---the guy thanked me, and again when we were leaving class. And I felt pretty good about this whole thing, and came up with the blog/acts of kindness idea. So there you have it.

Love, Jennifer

garden state.

Last night I watched Garden State with Natalie, Britta, and Berto. It was a nice movie, but one quote stuck out to me.

"You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone. You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist."

It was kind of this weird moment where I was like, "whoa. I think that's me." I don't feel like I really live in my parents' house anymore, but I'm not really sure if I live in salt lake either. And the more I think about it, instead of gaining more of myself by going to college, it's like I've lost the old person. And now I'm trying to pick up the significant pieces and make myself. It's....bewildering. I don't know who to be because I don't know what's important. After 3+ years of trying to figure this out, you'd think I'd have an answer. I don't. I can't even remember who I was when I left.

Love, Jennifer

My list.

M was telling me yesterday about one of the books she is reading in a class, where the author writes these lists of things every now and then. Just....lists. lol. And then M told me about how her class spent the day creating lists and reading them to each other. All of this made me want a list of my own, so here it is.

Things I shouldn't like, but do.

• Drinking water that tastes just a little bit chlorine-y. It only happens occasionally, depending on where I fill my bottle, but when I get some I love it. It's almost addictive.
• Taking a nice hot shower, then in the last fifteen seconds, turning the water cold. It's really shocking and like Ahhhhhhhhhh! Why!? but I enjoy it.
• Wearing a swim cap. (guess what--I started trying to actually swim again. crazy, i know) It makes me look so goofy, but I love feeling like I have a bald head, hahaha
• This really weird rubbery smell that saturates the bike room. I'm guessing it's the smell of bike tires. But I like it.
• Freaking myself out. For instance, whenever I'm somewhere driving or walking around and I don't see people for a few minutes, I imagine that I am the last person on earth after some horrible disaster. It gives me the creepiest feeling, but I do it all the time, haha.

Well I think that's a good list for now. :)

Love, Jennifer

life in pictures

To be honest, I have no idea where to start. But here is my life in photos for the past couple (or few) weeks...


This is me (my feet...) riding in my new (really cool!) friend Bronzson's hippie van. This thing is sick. Taylor's in shotgun and Alex is sitting on the bed in the back next to me. We drive around burning incense and listening to chili peppers or 311. Good times.

Here is Taylor reading to Bronzson and I at Sam Wellers bookstore. Alex is somewhere making sausages fall off walls or looking at books of tattoos.

This is Sigur Ros! I went to the concert with Morgan and our floormate Erin, who also has excellent taste in music. It was soooooooo fantastic. I've never heard anything more beautiful in my life!
This is at Oktoberfest, which was on Thursday. Haha. Those are men playing bells and accordions and some swiss horns and stuff. It reminded me of Swiss Days in midway, actually....and also I got a free hotdog. Hooray!
This is just mysterious. Last week, these appeared ALL OVER campus overnight. I'm pretty sure it's paint made from flour and water, but the school still got pissed cause they had to clean them up. On my way to class one morning, I counted like 70 of them, just on the route I was walking. There were probably hundreds of them all over, and the crazy thing is, no one knows what it means. Morgan and I think it may be some sort of social experiment or possibly someone is trying to get someone to propose to them or something. Who knows. Crazy though.


So that's my life as of now. I am happy. I hope you are too.

Love, Jennifer