Saturday Night Poem Time

This one's something like a riddle. :)


It is lovely, lacking, sparing,
Stark and clear and flatly bound,
Once gave pause and cause to think
If existence has a sound.

Once an arm and fist of green,
Once a sentinel of old,
Once an eye that saw it all,
For now a silent world I hold.

I'm to place my thoughts and words
On this tiny, wary screen?
On this wise and thoughtful soul;
On this living, breathing thing?

I think I lack the aptitude
And confidence of what is mine
To scribble on this piece of earth,
To write upon the bones of time.

And so I'll leave it blank, or yet,
I'll leave it as it always was,
To sit and without speaking it,
To testify there's more than us.


Love, Jennifer

So far, so far, so far...

So, Brady has discovered my blog, which is all at once awesome and kind of funny and worrying because there's so much stuff on here. Lol. Oh well, it's good.

It's almost December, which is AWESOME because Christmas is coming! I'm very excited because there is really no better feeling than waking up to new snow (hopefully, right?) and being warm and happy with your family on Christmas morning. I love that. And also Thanksgiving is this week, which is a smaller dose of the same feeling, plus lots and lots of good food, which is always a good thing for me. So I'm excited; plus we have breaks for both of these holidays. And I am never opposed to sleeping in. :)

This weekend was kind of ridiculously busy, but still a lot of fun. On Thursday I helped with Reality Town all day, which sucked but oh well. That afternoon we left for Fall Leadership Conf. for FBLA in Provo. Session that night, then a dance. I met this really nice kid from Morgan, although I forget his name, but still. And I had possibly the most fun ever dancing. I danced like a crazy person with this really nerdy, really attractive guy to an O-Zone song, and that was possibly the highlight of the whole thing. Friday morning Morgan and I left early and drove (successfully!) to the University of Utah.

We spent all of Friday touring the campus and housing and checking everything out. Then that night we met our host, whose name was Madeline and spent the rest of the night with her and everyone who lived on her dorm floor. It was freaking awesome, no lie. It made me sooooooo (x 100) excited for college. We even sort of played straight up. I loved it.

Saturday we drove home and took a nap (we were up until 3 a.m.), then got ready for our Sadie Hawkins date, which I might add was kind of monumental. I took Diogo, and our group went to eat at Guru's, then played Laser Tag (always a favorite), then went back to Kami's to get ready. After we were all ready--Diogo and I dressed as the fifties, and he looked awesome--we went to the dance, which was kind of lame, and got pictures. After all that, and after the dance ended, we went to Morgan's house and had ice cream. We discussed People magazine's sexiest man alive edition, which was a surprisingly good conversation, then talked about movies until like 12:30. It was a really fun day/weekend.

And that's about all the update I can muster. I've missed you, bloggers. :D

Love, Jennifer

Pop Rocks and Conflict

Dear Blog Family/World/Internet,

Today I was thinking about, well, a lot of things and about all the categories people fit into in high school. Such as, the one who for whatever reason, just has a really exceptional high school experience, and every moment for them is a yearbook moment. Or there's the one who completely hates it for no other reason than the fact that they just hate it. And there are a hundred other little categories that fall in between those, one of which I fit into. And mine isn't necessarily good, although it has been good, and not necessarily bad, although it has been that as well.

In psychology we talked about some stages of "finding" yourself, or whatever you'd like to call it, figuring out your world or whatever. He told us about the "crisis" stage, which isn't as negative as it sounds, where you're trying everything and testing and exploring everything trying to find what fits you. You've made no decisions but you're trying. And I realized in this one strange, crystallized moment that I've been in this 'crisis' stage for like two years. And I'm completely serious. I kind of feel like the cliche picture of a conflicted high schooler. I'm insanely frustrated, at nothing at all! Sometimes I get what I'm looking for, but often I do not, which is a source of confusion to me. The things I'm trying to find are not bad, or unworthy, just somehow out of reach... which has led to a lot of thought about the whole thing, whether they are things that will never be available or if I'm just supposed to sit it out and wait. It's very troubling. Lol. Because honestly, I don't know how much there is out there if the simplest things I'm looking for are never to be found.

Love, Jennifer

ps- I was a really fantastic tiger for Halloween! And I had to scream whenever anyone touched me at dinner. That was interesting. Lol. I'll post pictures later when I'm not lazy.

Oh. also, pop rocks=fizzy throat feeling. hahaha.