Vegetarian Month

Well, here we are. I feel kind of strange because I have this insane urge to blog, but I'm tired of the thoughts that circle my head over and over and really have nothing to say.

I guess I can tell you how vegetarian month is going. For July I decided to try being vegetarian for a month for a few reasons.

1) To better understand my dear friend M
2) Because she always talks about how much better she feels without meat. Which always sounds good, feeling better.
3) I have this strange habit of choosing to do things that I know will be difficult for me. Giving up things, etc. It's the exercise of willpower that I love, not that I'm especially against what I'm giving up.
4) To say I did it.

So anyway, today is day #20. And I must say, being vegetarian is really not very difficult. Sometimes I would really like to eat meat (like when my parents have something meat-filled for dinner, it's independent food night for me), but I don't miss it all that much. It's kind of like the soda thing. I miss it now and then, but after a certain amount of time, you realize that you really don't need things as much as you thought you did. And it feels kind of good, if only for a month or however long this lasts, to free myself from things, to prove what I can do.

The one obstacle I've encountered during this little experiment is the social eating of meat. Haha. It's been a little weird to maneuver my way out of social situations where people are eating meat, or offering it to me. I feel rude saying no, and honestly, a lot of people would scoff at my month of vegetarianism (be honest. you were smirking to yourself when you started reading this.) so I'm a little bit cautious about telling people.

The cool thing is, I've started to notice a difference. I actually do feel better. I feel a whole lot better about the drastic decline in the amount of cholesterol-laden foods I've been eating. And as a side effect, I'm eating a ton more fresh fruits and vegetables to make up for what I would've eaten in meat and related dishes. I think I'm finally drinking as much water as I should per day. And I've found I really don't like sweet, sugary things as much as I used to either. Hooray!

So I'm contemplating continuing for the rest of the summer. And after that I will probably start eating small amounts of meat again, mostly because I think I'll have a lot harder time once fruits and vegetables go out of season, because they make up a large part of my diet right now. But strange as it is, and despite my expectations, I actually liked doing this. And I LOVE veggie burgers. (You wouldn't believe how hard it is to get your hands on those things. :) )

Love, Jennifer

The Soundtrack To My Life

I'm always amazed how well music is able to define the moments of my life that even I cannot.

Wolfmother's "Vagabond" knows exactly what freedom feels like this summer. It knows what speeding down a hill on your grandmother's bicycle, arms outstretched, putting your trust in absolutely everything and nothing feels like.

Our Lady Peace's "Thief" knows what hope is made of. What fear and reluctance and that indefinable possibility of something lovely feels like.

Elbow's "Mirrorball" knows what it means to be yourself, and nothing else. It knows what self-acceptance feels like. Unconditionally.

John Butler Trio's "Ocean" knows, more than any other, what pure exhilaration sounds like.

The White Stripes' "Sugar Never Tasted So Good" knows how to define that feeling of new experiences, of feeling proud of what you're doing at the moment and who you're with.

Sigur Ros' "Ara Batur" knows what love sounds like. Love at any level, any moment, any setting. It knows what vulnerability is, and how beautiful that can be.

Good night. :)

Love, Jennifer

Bereft

Where had I heard this wind before
Change like this to a deeper roar?
What would it take my standing there for,
Holding open a restive door,
Looking down hill to a frothy shore?
Summer was past and the day was past.
Sombre clouds in the west were massed.
Out on the porch's sagging floor,
Leaves got up in a coil and hissed,
Blindly striking at my knee and missed.
Something sinister in the tone
Told me my secret my be known:
Word I was in the house alone
Somehow must have gotten abroad,
Word I was in my life alone,
Word I had no one left but God.

Robert Frost

I am dreaming. I can do anything I want.

I have made progress in dreaming lucidly. I was talking with Morgan the other day about how I'd stopped trying for a long time because it's such work and because it made me so tired to keep trying. She convinced me I should continue, so I did. On monday, I kept telling myself, This is a dream. This is a dream. This is a dream. before I fell asleep so I would remember to recognize it.

In the dream I had, I was walking through this gravel parking lot sort of place, and saw a man standing there, so I began to walk towards him. As I was a few feet away, I thought to myself, I am dreaming. I can do anything I want. So I walked up to him and took his face in my hands and kissed him on the lips! I didn't really know him, and had no reason to do this, except for I've always kind of thought that if I realize I'm dreaming, and want to test it, I will kiss someone and see what happens.... so in this dream, it worked out. I knew I was dreaming! It was an insane, strange feeling. But I forgot to pay attention to the thought and it began to slip away.

This is the problem I always have, even if I do realize I'm dreaming, or get some glimpse of that thought, it takes a lot of concentration to hold on to it. Attention span in the dream world is significantly shorter than in real life! So holding on to the fact that it is a dream is like trying to hold water in your hands....it slips away, little by little in this steady stream, until soon you have nothing at all, and you've forgotten.

It's a big step, however. I can't wait until it happens again.

Love, Jennifer

Zune vs. iPod

So, it has finally happened, the moment I have been dreading somewhere in the back of my mind. My zen, my mp3 player, has finally reached the end stages of its life and is quickly picking up speed on the downhill. Sad news, I know. But now I have a predicament, which I think you may be able to help me with!

My replacement will be either an 80gb Zune (red!) or an 80gb iPod. But which one?? Here's how it breaks down.

Zune:

pros

• red color
• video
• lots of space
• relatively few problems (that i've heard)
• excellent customer service
  
• just kind of awesome in general

cons

• no scroll wheel
• more difficult to share music with other people
• the world revolves around iPods

iPod

pros

• scroll wheel
• video
• lots of storage
• the world revolves around them
• easy sharing of music with the other zillion people who own them.

cons

• I hate it when my things break, and...
  
• they seem to have a lot of problems....
• which apple sucks about correcting easily for you.

Well, that is about all I have. If I got an iPod, by the way, it would probably be white. And both of these cost exactly the same. This is a difficult decision. I think I may be leaning towards the Zune though...? I would love to hear your opinions.



me...............
or me.............................?

Love, Jennifer

Updated

So, the blog has a new outfit, which I like a lot. I like you a lot too. Going to bed (maybe) now.

Love, Jennifer