Nerves Clam, Coordination Bread

Look what I painted today. I love college :)




Love, Jennifer

wrinkles.

February 17, 2009.

I was talking with a (new) friend of mine about getting old. She said she'll be the woman who continues dyeing her hair forever and gets Botox to smooth away the signs of age. She doesn't want any of it. I was just thinking....I can't wait to be old. To sit on the porch with the love of my life, holding arthritic hands. I can't wait to have grey hair and wrinkles and laugh lines. I want, as undesirable and embarrassing as some people might find it, to see the proof on my face that I

lived.
That I worked and I laughed and I learned.
And that I have the wrinkles to prove it.

Love, Jennifer

PS--Happy 300th post. :)

"Electric Fence" by Nick Arvin

Monday, February 9, 2009.

"He climbed the tree repeatedly, and he began to prefer the windy times when he could perch near the sky and feel the rush of the air and watch the horizon fall and rise. He went into the woods whenever a big wind started. The first time he was out in a storm, he was thrilled by the thrashing of the branches and the leaves, the crash of the rain, the danger. Soon he knew the big oak so well he could climb it by moonlight. The rush was even greater in a nighttime storm, a chaos of motion and wet blindness. And when the storm passed and uncovered the stars, it was a kind of miracle to cling so close to them and wait and watch while a blush of color grew on the horizon, then unrolled and unrolled until all the air was lit with blue and bright as day."

I read this, then looked around at all of my things and wondered why.

Love, Jennifer

learning

Sunday, February 8.

I was reading postsecrets this morning, and saw this one...



It made me stop a little and about this whole college thing I'm doing at the moment. Really, I don't doubt that this is exactly the right place for me to be right now, but it's kind of easy to get lost in this strange world here. It's easy to lose sight of the important things in life, the absolutely true things. As much freedom as is allowed here (as opposed to say, high school...), there are still a lot of people and ideas that will try to make you what they want you to be.

So I read this post card, and I began to think of what I've learned thus far. I've learned a lot academically, but most of all, I've learned a lot about humanity itself. It's hard to explain, but living among 30,000 other human beings has this way of magnifying things. Excitement is so much bigger, hate is so much bigger, pressure is so much bigger, and loneliness is so much bigger. Being here, I really identify with a lot of people, and I get this feeling of connectedness about the whole thing. It's like we're all in this together. Nobody knows exactly what we're doing with our lives, but we're trying, and we're trying together. So what have I learned? I have no idea. But I feel like I've been brought closer to the heart of humanity.

Love, Jennifer

thinking, thinking.

2/5/09

Well hello.

I have slacked and it has been pointed out to me. So this is my repentance, I suppose. Also, I kind of miss this because it used to mean more to me than it has recently. However, I have no more to say than ever before, so...yeah. Lol.

My life now consists of......lots of naps. LOTS of reading. The occasional social event. Driving people all over Salt Lake. It kind of reminds me of my sophomore year of high school, driving people everywhere, which I actually don't mind at all. It's strange to think this way, but I've finally moved out of my house in my mind. I'll be living in Midway during the summer, working and all, but that will probably be the last time. And when I think of being there, it's kind of like I'll just be staying there for a couple months until things begin again. BUT nobody likes to hear someone talk about themselves (themself is not a word.), so I'll try to move on. Haha.

Here's a thought I had the other day. I think people need opposition. Everyone always complains about the problems in their lives, but I think if removed, they would hate their existence as well. It's like...having a purpose I guess. If everyone had a perfect life, there would be no movement, and no struggle to get to a better place. People would feel purposeless. This is troubling to me. If this is true, do people unconsciously create barriers to happiness because they know it gives them a reason to live?

That is all.

Love, Jennifer

hmm.

Technology/The Internet/Facebook just sent me a strange message. It said, "Do something about yourself." What could this mean? Hmm.

*Promise: something better later.

Love, Jennifer