plummeting

Skydiving is something that I've always thought would be really cool (I mean really, really cool...) and just a little bit crazy, and I've come to the decision that I have to do it. And I'm serious! I think this will count as my irresponsible use of graduation money (as dictated), and will be one of those incredible, priceless life experiences that I need to have. When will the time ever be better to experience life than at the present?

Pope Paul VI said, "Somebody should tell us, right at the start of our lives, that we are dying. Then we might live life to the limit, every minute of every day. Do it! I say. Whatever you want to do, do it now! There are only so many tomorrows."

That is why I want to jump out of a plane and fall through the sky. Because I am dying; because we are all dying; because even if I live to be a century old, I only have 81 years, 2 months, and 28 days to accomplish, feel, and experience everything I want to on earth. And that is far, far too little time.

Love, Jennifer

The Present Tense

My "project," if you will, so far this summer has been a major clean-out of my room. Major. It started with the closet, which was ridiculous and in need of an overhaul, but I got carried away in the magic of a fresh start and went through everything else as well. Anyway, in this course of events, as well as with a close examination of myself, I've come to realize something.

I hold on to the past like no other. I keep bits and pieces of things with the mentality that those useless little sentiments will help me to...what? Keep me connected to the safe, happy times that I've had, perhaps. Maybe this is why photography seems so natural to me. (Pause. I am absolutely not condemning photography as "useless" or anything else like that. It is art. That is all.) It's a preservation thing sometimes. I preserve those ticket stubs and those souvenirs like there's no tomorrow...and I'm not even using that phrase idly right now.

And at the same time, the future preoccupies my thoughts way more than it should. Seriously, I turn the scenarios and "ifs" over and over in my mind until I'm sufficiently worried and confused and don't trust myself anymore. I plan and think and plan, but the truth is, most of life can't be planned or thought out; it just has to happen, and be experienced as it does.

So in the midst of all this, the grasping onto the good times of the past, and ripping apart the future in my mind, I forget about...the present. Oh, right. That. It seems so absurd that I would forget about the very moment I'm living in, but I swear, it happens about 90% of the time. And the crazy thing is, when I take the time to make myself stop and breathe, and simply be, I can't believe I ever waste any time doing anything else!

Jon Foreman said, "Here's what I wish someone had told me before I graduated from high school: Respect the present moment. We're looking for the next thing and the next thing--graduate from high school, then graduate from college, then get a job--we plan the whole thing out. With that type of mentality we miss the present tense; we miss the exciting amazing event that the 'now' is."

So there it is. How much better would life be if we just lived in the "now" and nothing else? I can hardly imagine. But that kind of brings me full circle...the cleaning out of everything useless and outdated from my life, it's become this catharsis for me; a symbolic representation of the fears I'm shedding as I move forward and experience things rather than analyze them all out of context before they happen. I've loved every single event that's brought me to the moment I'm in now, but those times can't be my safety raft anymore. It's kind of terrifying at moments to start over, but like a breath of fresh air at the same time. Here's to being fearless, to stepping forward without really knowing, and to living life as it happens.

Love, Jennifer

well hello

hello world,

so not much to talk about has been happening since i returned from mexico. just so you all know, i'm working on the massive blog that contains details from the trip, so that should be up once i have a spare moment to type it all up. this week i started the new job at the golf course, which has been unexpected and a little bit crazy, but i actually do have some sort of weird fun doing various golf course duties. despite the fact that i can only sleep until 5:30 max these days, summer is going well. i do want to see all of you though! all of this work may drive me crazy soon unless i start seeing lots of you! more later...

love, jennifer.

The Mexico Trip

Ah, Mexico. My new favorite place. M, H, and I spent a week at a resort in Bucerias after graduation and what follows is, more or less, a full account of the happenings...

Monday, May 26

We're here in Mexico, which is fantastic beyond words! H, M, and I left along with M's family at 5 a.m. I really hate airports, and don't even like flying that much, but getting to travel is well worth the sacrifice! At about 3 p.m. we landed in Puerto Vallarta, where we were immediately bombarded by taxi drivers and shuttle and luggage guys. After a short drive, we arrived at our hotel, which is almost beyond description. The buildings are painted every color imaginable, and none of it is indoors--everything, including our room, just have these outside hallway sort of things. It's so cool. Our room has a perfect view of the ocean, which is only about 100 feet away! Ah, the ocean! I am truly in love. The first thing we did when we got here was go swimming, then got dressed and went to dinner--mm--then walked on the beach some more.

After awhile, we couldn't stand it anymore, and even though it was dark, changed back into our swimsuits to go swimming in the ocean at night. For about an hour and a half, M, H, and M's brother and I frolicked in the waves, trying to catch them to ride. It was so much fun and so addicting, but I'm really tired now.

Today we saw this couple being married on the beach. They were so funny, but completely perfect for each other; you could tell. The three of us talked to them and congratulated them, and the groom was a little bit tipsy but otherwise both were very happy.

I can hear the ocean now--roaring, crashing, majestic, free. All of the things I love about it. Goodnight, or do I say?--Buenos Noches.

Tuesday, May 27

Another beautiful day! The weather here is really nice--it's always warm, but it's been kind of cloudy so there isn't blazing sun. And the ocean is always warm and lovely. Somehow I managed to get a little sunburn on my face, even though I wore sunscreen.

Today we played in the ocean a lot again, which is something I will never get tired of. In the morning we rented kayaks and paddled around. I definitely got tossed overboard within the first two minutes....making it out past the surf was harder than it looked! Once outside on the water, the four of us just kept going further and further, and everytime I turned around to look back, I couldn't believe I was actually here, and I couldn't believe how lucky I am.

Later on, we checked out boards to bodysurf with, which I really, really love! There's just something about that rush you get when you can catch an excellent wave just right that's a little bit addicting.

Lunch today was good, and dessert was--as always--my favorite. They have the most wonderful ice cream here, really creamy and rich. I usually end up eating as much dessert as food, but it probably evens out because we spend so much time every day fighting against the waves as we play in the ocean.

At around four I finally took a break from the water to lie on the beach and take a nap. What I really love about being here is that there are no schedules, no clocks anywhere, it's just the sun and the ocean and the sky.

I really miss having a guitar though. I keep having these moments where everything is so perfect, it just feels like a song, and I have no instrument to get it out. Maybe when we go to the flea market sort of thing, I could find a really cool Mexican guitar? That would be so fantastic.

We walked down the beach today to the regular part of Bucerias, where there are restaurants and little shops all over. It's kind of strange, but one of the things I like the most is seeing the streets, dirty and broken as they are. I love our resort, but the little narrow streets and chipped colors everywhere feel so much more authentic and telling. As we were walking down the beach, there was the most beautiful boy, about my age, just sitting in the sand and staring at the ocean. I wished I knew Spanish because I wanted to talk to him, to find out what he was thinking. Sometimes those little moments make me think that there are really copies of myself spread out all over the world, and it makes me want to travel even more.

I've decided that when I die, part of my ashes should be scattered into the ocean, because it already contains a big enough piece of my heart.

Wednesday, May 28

Today was a lot, a lot, a lot of fun. Our entire group went on this zip line canopy tour through the jungle. I loved it! There were about fourteen or fifteen of these cables stretched across through the trees and over a river. We had little harnesses that clipped on, and--true to name--we zipped down.

After the zip line we got to play with some monkeys, which are so incredibly curious, and also very cute. Everyone loved those. Then we got to hold this huge python, which made me a tiny bit nervous, but was still my favorite out of all the "animals." There was also this toucan, who was so beautiful! he was black, with really bright red and yellow and blue (and maybe green?) feathers on his chest. And finally there was a tarantula! That one freaked me out; I let it crawl on my chest and face, and it was the strangest sensation. he had tiny little prickly hairs all over, and his legs felt kind of spiny on the ends. M's brother even let the guy put it in his mouth, which really freaked me out! It was still a really cool experience though.

We all had dinner tonight at this restaurant called The Piccolo, which is Italian themed, and actually pretty good. The food here is usually pretty good, but not spectacular, but I was really impressed with this one. I had some sort of chicken dish (I forget the name) with a caesar salad and tiramisu for dessert. The presentation was beautiful, and as always, I loved the tiramisu, which was rich and creamy and wonderful.

Clubbing tonight!!

Thursday, May 29

I'll start with the "Disco." It was crazy--not because it was an especially out-of-control place, but because I don't go to bars, or clubs, or any of that kind of thing. M and I got there around 12 or 12:30, and there was hardly anyone there, only about six women and a guy on the dance floor, and a few creepy guys sitting around on the top level and by the bar. We started dancing with the other people on the floor, which was fun, mostly because the guy was gay and really enthusiastic. More people slowly trickled in, and started dancing, and I recognized a couple (I'm not sure if I mean that literally) from the zip line. Other than that everyone was just random and new to me, but we danced with them anyway and had a good, smoky, sweaty (this is mexico!) time. Everyone carried their cameras around on their wrists or whatever and some girl snapped a picture of M and I dancing, so I suppose we'll we showing up on the internet somewhere sometime soon.

After awhile we got really thirsty and took a break to get a drink and play foosball. I felt kind of funny ordering a virgin margarita in this club, but it was good and no one noticed anyway.

Today we went to this waterpark and had a Sea Lion encounter, which was pretty cool. They're so big!.....

One of the things I love about Mexico is how friendly--and funny!--the people are. There's this one guy, the singer from the band that plays here, who we always see that reminds me of someone off of Full House. He's such a cool guy; every time we see him, he pretends to be upset that we're breaking some sort of rule. Last night we were sitting on these outdoor couches and he came to "tell us" to get our feet off, but he was really just messing with us. And somehow we always believe him! (Speaking of outdoor couches...I love these! There are little living rooms set up all over the resort with only a roof overhead. They're perfect to hang out in. I wish I had one at my house!) Anyway, I'm really in love with just about everyone I meet here.

So M has gotten sick, which really sucks. She thinks that it was something she ate or drank, which really freaked me out, but everyone else seems to be fine so far.

Today I bought a tiny pair of turquoise earrings for $1--the first thing I've bought so far besides an ice cream at the water park. Shopping tomorrow however, where I'm sure I'll make up for it.

Friday, May 30

As much as I've fallen in love with all of the other cities I've visited--Chicago, San Francisco, Nashville even--I've come to love absolutely everything about Bucerias and about Mexico so much more! I will definitely leave a big part of my heart here when we leave.

Today we got to sleep in, which was excellent. There's nothing like waking up to the ocean in the morning to make you sure it will be a good day. After breakfast, where I had what was probably the best omelet on earth, we all walked down the beach to the market to do some shopping. It took me a little bit to get used to bargaining, but once I got over the fear it actually ended up being pretty fun. I got some things for my family and friends, and a little for myself. Mostly, it was just insanely hot. We were baking out there, with only these floor fans in the shops to move the air around.

It was so crazy--on one street corner, I looked over and there was this group of people sitting around with a pet badger tied up. It's so bizarre when I see stuff like that.

After we got back and I took a little time to get some water and convince myself I was just sick from the sun and not food poisoning, H, M, and I went down to the pool. We found a tiny little circular one and mostly just splashed around (water feels soooo nice) and laughed a lot, a lot, a lot.

There's this guy that I keep noticing all week, who has really pale skin and almost red hair, and he's always with this asian guy. Anyway, he just intrigues me for no reason, and I keep seeing him everywhere. M and I kept looking over at them across the other pool... after awhile, we were getting out and drying off, and he walked straight over to us to ask if we were going to the disco tonight. We said possibly and after a bit he left, and we went back up to our room. Anyway, I'm excited to go tonight and see what happens with that.

So tonight was "Mexican Fiesta" night at the resort, and it was so much fun! They had this mariachi band walking around being festive, and the guy who goes around dressed like a woman was there again. I love that guy! We went around playing games for awhile, earning fake Mexican money that we could use later at the auction. The three of us together got $6600 pesos, and tried to buy this ceramic fish, but didn't get it. All that was left was a bottle of tequila, so we gave our money to the people in front of us, but they just gave it back with theirs and told me to yell "once mil!" which is $11,000. We still got outbid, so we gave it all to this guy on our right, who kept getting more and more donations. It turned into this crazy bid war between him and one other person, and it ended up at like $90,000 pesos, but our guy lost. It was fantastic though; so much fun.

The people in front of us, who it started out with, were such a cool family. There were the parents and their three sons, two who were about our age or a little bit older, and an older son. One of the younger sons was so attractive! He was like a Mexican version of an indie kid with longish hair, a t-shirt, a vest, skinny jeans, and vans. Oh, and of course, the black framed glasses.

Really good day. Really, really.

Saturday, May 31

Last night was really fantastic and so much fun! M and I started walking over at about 12:00, and we passed the asian and the pale guy going the opposite way. When we got inside we noticed the three guys from the auction sitting at a table, and the older guy kind of waved when we walked by. While we were getting our drinks, he came up and asked us if we wanted to dance, so we said yes and left our drinks at their table and went to dance with him. The other guy was with us. The older guy's name was Martin, and the other guy was Oscar, and after awhile the cute guy (who is Oscar and Martin's nephew; O and M are brothers) came up and started dancing with us too. His name is Cesar. He was such a cool dancer, in a way that's kind of indescribable and just his own.

After awhile we all went to sit down and talk. Talk is kind of a funny term here, because none of us could communicate super well with each other. Martin could speak English pretty well but Cesar and Oscar only knew a tiny bit, and neither M nor I know very much Spanish. So I sat next to Cesar and talked to him, using Martin as our translator when we couldn't find a way to say what we wanted to. We talked about music, and Cesar said he likes rock and techno, which I found out is called "psycho" in Mexico. He's in a band called "Free Minds," or "Mentes Libres" in Spanish, and he sings and plays electric guitar. He is in college for graphic design.

So we found out how old they are...Cesar is 18, Oscar is 20, and Martin is 30....which is a little weird, but whatever.

They asked us if we had boyfriends, and M said yes and I said no. Martin kept asking her about it and she had to explain that she loved him. Martin said he had a girlfriend but didn't want one while on vacation, which I thought was really crappy of him but whatever. He asked me why I didn't have a boyfriend and I said that I didn't know, that I just hadn't found anyone I really liked. After I said that Cesar asked Martin what I said for a translation, so I guess he wanted to hear the answer. I turned to Cesar and asked him if he had a girlfriend. He said no and shook his finger, which was kind of cute, I thought.

I was just sitting there, and he took off this red and white striped bracelet and held it out to me. I thought he wanted me to have it, but I was confused so I asked Martin, who translated. He said Cesar wanted me to have it, and that it was kind of a "sacrifice" (he couldn't think of the right word for this) because it was something about Cesar's favorite soccer team, but that he still wanted me to have it and it was a kind of special thing for him to give it to me. I was really floored and happy about that. He gave us his web address, then later he asked for my email address, which I gave to him.

He offered me a drink, but I told him that I didn't drink. He asked me why, and I thought for a minute to try to explain it, but I could think of no good way, so I just said that I never really wanted to. He said, "Oh. That's okay," which I thought was pretty nice of him.

At three the club started to close so we told them we had to go back and said goodbye. I didn't really know what to do, so I hugged Cesar and told him thank you for the bracelet. I think M and I will go back tonight so we can see them one more time.

Today we just played in the ocean and pool and pretty much all got sunburnt. It was still good though.

Sunday, June 1

We're on the plane now, flying home, which really sucks. I'm so sad to be leaving Mexico because I really have fallen in love with it.

Last night was crazy and wonderful and everything in between. M and I went back to the disco last night, and I was really happy to see Oscar and Cesar sitting at the same table when we walked in. We got our virgin pina coladas (the bartender laughed that we were "still virgins") and went to sit with them. We danced for awhile, then we asked them if they wanted to go take a walk with us. This was kind of hard to communicate because Martin, our translator, wasn't there, but we still got it somehow. The four of us walked to the beach and just walked, which was really fun because it took a little improvisation to get everything across. Cesar tried to teach me how to say his name correctly, which was difficult because we never roll R's in English! It was fun though. We talked about the beach, and how to say all the words associated with that, about our favorite colors and his favorite soccer team. He pointed out Puerto Vallarta and Nuevo Vallarta to me on the horizon (we were in Bucerias), and I asked him where Gudalajara was (where they live) which was in the opposite direction.

After awhile, we went back and got our shoes then went back to the disco. Cesar kind of got taken by this girl and was dancing with her, but I got over it. M danced with the asian guy for awhile, and I danced with Oscar until we decided to leave at about 2 a.m.

When we got back to our hotel, M, H, and I went back down to the beach which was all deserted, to go skinny dipping. I was really nuts...the tide was a lot lower than it usually is, so we had to go running across the sand to get to the water, then ended up like crouching there in the low waves. I'm sure it was hilarious, if anyone had been watching.

This morning we just packed and ate breakfast before checking out to go home. What a week! I've seriously left my heart in Mexico. I love everything about it. It seems like everything there is just a little more intense--the sun is brighter, the days are longer, and the people love with a passion and freeness that I want to be a part of my life.

Love, Jennifer