The good times are killing me

Thought we could all use a little trip down memory lane. I guess this is also "quote Modest Mouse" blog, because I must say, "Sometimes life's okay."

we are...

Normally I don't like to post things I've written, but this one seems a good one if any. Bonus points if you can figure out what it's about, (if you're not Morgan [She helped write it] or possibly Hannah)!

We Are

We are our own people,
And sometimes polar opposites.
We are midnight and solitude and self-consciousness
We are summer and understatements and acceptance
We are unconformity and loyalty and tuesdays
We are fighters and listeners and forgiveness
We are dedication and afternoons and sunflowers
We are a good time and feeling and skill
We are warmth and nobility and knowledge
We are choice and smiles and ambition
We are fearless and introverted and dedicated
We are ready and shy and selfless
We are excitement and attention and achievement
We are ideas and connections and attachment
We are serenity and desire and comfort.
And against all odds, here we are.

borrowing phrases

I'm going to have to borrow a phrase Berto once used. "Frustration beyond all reason." Cause that's just it. People are just retarded. Specifically those living in my house. I kind of don't even want to try to be friendly anymore. I need vacation. Or a hug.

I feel kind of bad, I hardly have anything interesting to blog about anymore. It's kind of just one of those uninteresting points in life. I feel like my life has stopped, and I'm just waiting for summer for it to begin again.

So this morning I slept in like an hour and a half after the alarm was supposed to go off. Supposed having the emphasis here. I had a dentist appointment instead of third period, so I got dressed in like five minutes and put my hair up. Yes, I looked gross today. So anyway, for the last month I've been supposed to be wearing these elastics as part of the Master Plan of orthodontics. Problem is, they're really weird, and there's no way I'm wearing those things in public. So, I wore them at night, which was pretty generous, I thought. Anyway, I went back today, and Dr. O said (about the elastics) "Wow,those things really work when you wear them huh? This looks good." So you see, no harm done. It looked good. Ha.

State swimming is this weekend, which I am very excited for. I went last year, but only because I had a crush on Neil and Hannah wanted me to, because I really had no idea what I was watching. This year, I'll actually understand what's happening! Plus I'll have a legitimate reason this time, as opposed to me dubbing myself the loving swim team "president". Although, I must say, that was pretty genius. Also, FBLA region is on friday, so (yay!) I'll get to miss school friday.


Last Friday I went on a date with Scot W. and it was a lot of fun! We went tubing at Soldier Hollow with his friend Jed and Jed's gf, Sabrina. It was kind of funny to me when someone would say Jed! and I'd look up because...you know...Jeb. Yeah. No one else understood, of course. After that we went to eat at Canton City. Mmmmm yes. Good choice. So I decided, the main difference between the "group" and other (normal?) people is that other people do not accept "not it" as a legitimate excuse. No way. They don't get it. To me, it's like a rule of nature that when you call "not it", you are actually not it. Not so in the real world. I tried to call not it to pick the restaurant, but somehow I still ended up choosing. Oh well. It was mucho fun-o.

Love, Jeb

ps-if you're reading this you owe me two things. 1)a comment, and 2)you have to blog now. it's karma. to borrow a phrase from a certain incident today, "karma? no. vengeance."

hair, and a quote

I totally had a hair consultation today. It was great. There's this lady, Tracy, who has a salon connected to WFtM, she's really nice. We talked about my hair abuse through chlorine and a flat iron, and how my hair's superfine, and my bangs are sort of getting long and odd. And now I'm getting help next Wednesday! Yay! No more sad, unhealthy hair for me!

Ummm. hmm. Not too much to blog about. I'd rather be playing guitar. And all of you blogmoochers (i.e., read blogs yet don't comment or blog yourself), go blog! ugh.

Love, Jennifer

Quote of the Day: "Wait, tell me about sasquatch!" -kid in seminary today

What I Love

So, (this is how I start everything, with a "so", like everyone's been hanging on the edge of their seat, just waiting to hear what I'm about to say)today I've been thinking about what makes me happy. Number one, sleeping in makes me pretty happy. Music makes me very happy (I did a cover of Phantom Planet's "California" today, which I like a lot), and so does hot chocolate. Getting to know someone I haven't known so well in the past, just learning things about them, that makes me happy. Photography makes me really really happy. We did Dan and Erin's announcement photos today, at various locations, and they got them developed. I have to say, they rock. I was kind of nervous, having to take them, and this being kind of a big deal, but they actually turned out really really well. That makes me happy. Them being happy makes me happy. Which takes me to the next thing...knowing you picked the perfect gift for someone, I love that. It makes me happy when my opinion about something changes. Because that's when I know I'm getting better. I love a good workout, of any type. I love knowing that things can only get better. I love the thought of summer. That's hope.

And this is only one day.

Love, Jennifer

. . .

"The

course

of

true

love

never

did

run

smooth..."

~Shakespeare

Crossing Borders

I went on a little trip to Borders last night, and I must say, I could live there. I probably walked around for like an hour and a half, just looking at everything, photography, poetry, biographies, fiction, music, hot guys who work there.... It's a great place to spend time. In the end, I ended up buying a photography book for my fazzah, and a cool new band for myself, Small Sins. They're electronic, postal service-esque, and great.

So, I just got home from my last swim practice of the season. I'm not sure how I feel about this. Kind of sad, kind of happy, kind of relieved. I wonder if I'll get bored now? My homework will be getting a little more attention now though, so that's probably a good thing. Speaking of school, I had a weird little reality check yesterday. Elder Burrow sent me an email because I finally emailed him, and he said something to the effect of "wow. your junior year is half over." I had to stop for a minute as I realized that, Wow, my Junior year is half over. Ah. Scary. I wish I could stay young forever. I was reading the cereal box this morning, and it had a list of things to do before you turn eighteen. The last was "turn eighteen. embrace old age." I'll be eighteen in a little over 8 months. I'm getting old :( Geriatric. Feeble. Ugh.

Thought for the week: Losing something is hard. Losing something you realize you never had is harder. Sometimes we assume that we have perfect things in our lives. Reality has no mercy.

Am I crossing over to the cynical side??

Love, Jennifer

Your holiday is a lie!

So, I feel like I've been away forever, even though I just went to St. George/Cedar for the weekend. But, I come home and it's really, really cold. I felt like maybe I was beginning to understand Britta as I stood outside of the bus at the high school, waiting for something, I'm not sure what, and nearly crying because I had honestly never, ever been that cold before. It sucked.

Oh. I have to be honest with all of you who read my last post. I totally ruined the first annual Say Nice Things Day. I didn't say anything nice that day. I made fun of a lapswimmer, and I argued with someone about cueing. And the only nice things I said were on the blog. So maybe that's how SNTD is celebrated, simply blogging nice things which people may or may not read? Lol. I hope so.

I was taught a fun "game" while in SG over the weekend. It's called "Secretly, I..." and basically a Room of Truth is established, which has inpenetrable walls, nothing can leave the room. Ever. The players then take turns completing the "Secretly, I..." sentence. It gets interesting, let me tell you.

I totally stalked a camera man. Note picture.



Love, Jennifer

Say Nice Things Day

So, I just decided that today will be "say nice things" day. and this should be a good way to start out.

You know why I like Hannah? Because if we ever lost touch when we grew up, and I called her and needed to talk about my latest problem, it would be like no time at all had passed. I know it. And she has never ever let me down.

Why I like Maria? She is unique and independent. She is very generous and caring.

Why I like Britta? I've never seen her be anything except herself, and I don't think she ever will be. She's artistic and honest.

Why I like Erin? She has talent and knows how to use it. She has a good sense of humor, and knows how to have fun. People are naturally drawn to her.

Why I like Besto? He knows when to have fun and when to be serious. He made up the word "floofy"

Why I like Michael? He is so tall! When he says something to you, you know he means it. He's a really really good friend. Loyal.

Why I like Brady? He's super smart. And I love that. It's not hard to have an intelligent conversation with him, but he's also ready to have fun at any moment. He knows who he is.

Why I like Randi? She's loud and shorter than me. She's like the sprinkles on top of our "group" donut. Inside jokes, anyone?

Why I like Lakie? He gives good massages, and consumes people with giant hugs. He tried to teach me "blood brothers" once. That was fun.

Why I like Enano? He writes me little notes in english and 1050, which I will treasure and keep forever. I've never seen him be mean to anyone. Enano rocks.

Why I like Lurpie? He can sing, and that is infinitely cool. He is dedicated to things he cares about.

And now it's time to go. But happy Say Nice Things Day!

Much Love, (you're great),
Jennifer

Coming Alive

I am so excited about psychology right now. And I am so excited about many other things. But a big one is psychology. I finally, finally found a class that interests me. Honestly, this is the first in like three years. I am such a dork now, a nerd if you will, but I love it. Professor John has an odd resemblance to Prof Fish, which scared me at first, but I still sit there, all captivated, because hello! I finally care about the stuff I have to learn. I want to go into psychology. Why? I don't know. Actually, I kind of do, but that's a story for another day, so we'll just say I overanalyze everything anyway, so why not spend my time helping people while I'm at it?

Today I thought about summer a lot, how fantastic it will be. My brother is getting married! That's such a weird thought for me, because we grew up together. If he's an adult now, all responsible and whatnot, what am I? A couple years away from that? It's like the little invitations they will be sending out are announcing a wedding and the fact that I have to grow up at some point. Lol. Wow. Reality....you suck.

Anyway...right now I miss the feel of sunshine on my face. What do you miss about summer? Look forward most to?

Love, Jennifer

(oooh. bonus. I just realized, I found one of those things. The ones that make me come alive. It is psychology.)

((hannah's blog is the one I've been thinking about for months but never wrote. Change of outlook for me lately though. my brain finally said "enough." our brains are connected, hannah's and mine.)

a good weekend

Here's just a fun little factoid to start out the blog. I find this very interesting and funny.

As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
My dad: in a band, a professional golfer, or go to the moon.
What does he do? Works for the Department of Transportation. He may still go to the moon, he tells me.

Anyway, I've been having this thought lately. If you say died or something, you were just gone, and some stranger were to go into your room and look through all of your things, all of the things you had written or created, or collected, what would they think of you? My room is my sanctuary...I love it! There's photography everywhere, and guitars, and everything else that I love. Notebooks everywhere with writing in them. What would this stuff say about me?

This weekend was great. One of the first in a long time that I didn't have to swim in a meet. On friday mike, brady, besto, hannah, and I hung out doing many things (lol) then went to the High school movie at the theater. It was great. Saturday, I hung out with maria at her house for awhile, then we all went to Erin's and watched grease and then talladega nights. Mucho fun. I ate this cookie thing with ice cream and many sauces. So delicious. This morning i had toast with nutella. Oddly enough, I only went to sacrament meeting today due to a monster stomachache. Lol.

Love, Jennifer

Ha. I google image-d myself and got these (interesting) results.

a little bit of dizziness, and insomnia.

I just experienced a weird combination of elements that made me dizzy while reading your blog. Mostly the fact that I am infinitely lucky and infinitely stupid at the same time. So you, yes the one-and-only you, I'm sorry for being so selfish and often immature lately, and for all the times when I subconsciously blame you for things that go wrong around me, not because you had anything to do with it, but because I love you enough to know you're the only one who won't hate me permanently for it. Thanks for being willing to hurt people for me. Lol. Sometimes I don't even realize how much things matter to me until I see how much they mattered to you, too. That's a sign that our brains are connected. That's all.

Love, Jennifer

Who cares if no one else believes?

Remember when it happened, and there was no one else left? Went to the ES and sat there forever, thinking, fuming, and more thinking.

Remember when I found out, and silently but efficiently freaked out?

Remember when I needed time, so had a day at "the beach?"

Remember when I was told what I already knew and left feeling worse than I'd ever felt? Ever?

Remember how hard it was for me to do what I knew I would have to do for peace of mind? The feeling after I finally did it...

Remember when I felt nothing at all?

Remember when it was like the harder I tried, the worse things got? Ugh.

Remember when I gave in, and looked, then spent the rest of...a long time worrying about what I'd found? And there was nothing I could do.

Remember when the littlest things meant the most? When the numbers worked out well for me, and I left feeling incredibly super happy?

Remember when I finally heard the words that made it worth while? It was sincerity, and I needed that more than anything.

Remember when I lost that one last thing? I had been so proud of the fact, and then when I realized...just now...that I lost it. That sucked.

Remember when I almost gave up and just went home? I've never felt worse. That was regret. Capital R. It never really got better.

Remember when it was a room full of people but I'd never felt more disattached? She asked if I was sick, what could I say to that?

Remember when no one got it? And I just had to play along, like a game, because that's what I was supposed to do. We never figured out how to get through it together, did we?

Remember the lie? But it was funny.

Remember when it drove me nuts that I didn't know what she was talking about? So I acted like a jerk. That was kind of stupid.

Remember how much that song actually meant to me? It meant something new every time. I still can't hear it without remembering.

Remember when I realized just how wrong I was? But it was a good realization. And how the mystery of it all still continues...

Love, Jennifer

Don't worry if none of this makes any sense to anyone. It was purely for my own benefit.

change, superpowers, swimgods

Change.

So life is changing again. Isn't it funny how often that happens? I just get used to the feel of how things are going, and it all has to go and change. I can't keep up, lol. I can tell already that this will be an interesting summer. But at the same time, it's going to be really, really good. I can feel it.

So I decided that the "powers" I possess may not be superhuman. Whatever I say comes true. But it may just be that I'm observant and notice the things around me, put that together with what I have seen happen over and over in the past, and voila! You have a prediction. So, there you have it. But of course, they could be superhuman powers also.

This morning the swim gods gave me recompense for a previous swim abuse by giving us a game day for practice. That was pretty sweet.

Love, Jennifer

"Marriage is overrated. Marriage is for SQUARES!" -Trent

So this is the new year...

Last night was great. I love New Year's Eve! And for many reasons, some of them I can't name here (dice...), but just because it's a great night overall. Probably the best night of the entire year. Maybe. Last night was amazing, anyway. Besto, Michael, Brady, Tyler, and I hung out at Brady's house watching Bill Cosby standup, and the office. We tried to play 21, but got distracted. So after the New Year rolled around, we started doing things and being the first to do them. "First to do this to my phone. Maalleehhalaha." It was great. It was just one of those times I could be doing anything with the people I was with, and it would be amazing. I love my friends. When there was like one minute left, we all ran upstairs then outside for the New Year, then watched fireworks from the front lawn. (does this feel like a death cab song to anyone else?) I love fireworks more than anything. I love the feel of the boom in my chest. A perfect way to start 2007.

Happy New Year!

If it's half as amazing as 2006 was, 2007 will be great.

Much Love, Jennifer

(first blog of the new year!)