So.

I am officially a member of the Real World. Cool, huh?

Love, Jennifer

ps--actually, it is.

the a-word

Lately I've been thinking a lot about being "alone" and what exactly that means. I'm not really sure why; it could be because of this ridiculous impending graduation thing, or because I have the tendency to be "alone" even when I'm with people, or possibly a combination of both, or many other things. Whatever it is, I feel a lot of alone time creeping up on me, which could be either a good thing or a bad thing. I'm not sure. It's a strange feeling, being alone. I don't mean this in a complain-y way at all, but despite all the people I know and hang out with, I am essentially alone. Basically all of them have "others" of some sort, whether they be boyfriends/girlfriends, other halves, whatever. I've come to accept the fact that these "others" are (or will be) the most important part of their lives. As it should be. So where does that leave me?

Sometimes I enjoy that feeling of isolation, and can just revel in it and be happy, like today. Other days, other occasions, not so much. I think about who I am, what essential parts of myself I might find in other people, and how fantastic it will be when I find those people.

I think about this a lot, what there is out there waiting for me. It drives me absolutely insane, to tell you the truth. I have this insane hope that there are all of these perfect people for me waiting to be found, that I will soon find them, that it will work out, and make sense. And then I have this insane fear that that does not exist. That I will have to change what I'm looking for because what I envision isn't out there.

Anyway, my point is....wait, what is it? This aloneness thing, it isn't all bad, but wow is it strange. It's a strange thing to think that at this point in my life, the only thing I have holding me to one spot on the earth is my family. It's strange when I think of people who are attached to others, so seriously that it would change the direction of their lives.

Aloneness. We all have to face it at some point.

Much Love, Jennifer

Remember, Remember...

This weekend was a really interesting, really good one.

Friday, it turned out to be a really fantastic sunny day so Brady, Enano, Ed, Britta, and I went to the lake to play around in the water. It was a lot of fun...and kind of funny. I was the only one with a swimsuit, so the guys kind of just stripped to their underwear, and Britta chose to keep her pants on. haha. After that we went to DQ and made a big mess on the table. Later that night I went with M and Grant to the park in the canyon, where we ate about 6 different snack foods that we brought along. We walked down the trail sort of thing to collect this poky flowers for M...As we were all hunched over, wearing blankets, and Grant holding this butterfly net, scraping thorns off plants, I realized how completely crazy we looked. Like woodland hermits. I wished soo badly that we would've had a picture of that. When we got back to M's, we watched "V for Vendetta" which is now one of my favorite movies ever...so good! It was such a crazy day, but one of the best I've had in a long time. Hooray!

Today, I woke up and finished taking pictures of words for my photo project, then decided it was time for another bicycle ride. I took my little red bike all-freaking-over Midway. It was so much fun. About halfway through I realized my cell phone wasn't in my pocket, but I couldn't remember if I'd brought it or not so I wasn't too worried. Then when I got home my mom asked if I lost something...I said yes, probably my cell phone. (I wasn't feeling very bad because I hate that Razr. It sucks. And I have a free upgrade anyway. Oh well.) I guess some guy called from my phone to say he'd found it in the road somewhere, and then he dropped it off at my house. How kind of him! I was impressed. Anyway, that was the adventure today. After I watched P.S. I Love You (good :D ) I went to Michael's wedding reception with my parents, which was really cool and crazy at the same time. He can't get married, that was really not in the plan! Eh, what will you do.

Also, side note, I made this cool shirt by painting on a tan one with bleach! I'm so pleased with myself. haha.

Album of the day: "Adventures In The Underground Journey To The Stars" by South. It was ridiculously perfect for the day.

Love, Jennifer

today is wednesday.

Hello hello hello,

What a crazy week! By crazy I mean fantastic, because I'm basically finished with work for the year, and having a really great time basking in my freedom. I don't have too much to say, except that I'm finally working on "ocean" by John Butler Trio again, and it owns me! It's such a crazy, difficult song, but I love it so much; it's definitely worth it. Seriously, my fingers haven't hurt this much since I first started playing.

Love, Jennifer

ps--if anyone knows where i can get a cheap, (even if old) working video camera, that would be some good information for me. :D

pps--tomorrow is my last Community Lunch of the year, and of high school! ahh!

3 years

So today is a big day. It's my three-year anniversary! Blogging anniversary, that is...haha, it's definitely lasted longer than almost any other relationship I've had. I must say, it's been a fantastic three years. I feel like I've changed a lot and not changed at all. Whatever it's been, at least there's documentation, right?

Today was crazy, for sure. AP English test. Ahh. It was Hard, capital H, but I think I did alright, and I'm glad it's over. I was pretty drained for the rest of the day, but had a good time at M's house with Enano and Cameron watching "Salad Fingers," which is by far the creepiest thing I've ever seen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gNktI3AF4Q&feature=related

After work, I spent like an hour at Besto's trying to learn the drums...it's actually a lot of fun, and I feel like I'm making at least some progress, so that's good. We watched the Office then went for a drive. Hooray. And now I'm sleepy, so goodnight to you all.

Much love, Jennifer :D

rain, rain, rain

It's absolutely wonderful outside. One of those really stormy, rainy days that I love for no reason at all. It's gray, it's hazy, it's powerful, it's beautiful. The rain is pounding against the walls and windows, the thunder is booming, and I could not be happier.

my breakdown.

I was thinking today about what I really do with my life. For today, here's about how it breaks down in hours:

Sleeping: 7/24
Work (including school and homework): 8/24
Eating: 1/24
Exercising: 1/24
Free time: 7/24

Not too bad, I think. Except ideally, it would probably be less free time (although I do some pretty sweet stuff sometimes, haha), and more exercising. No less sleep! And eating is kind of important. And so is school, etc., at least until the end of may! (I didn't work today, but if I did, minus three hours of free time and put it into the work category).

So, what's my point? I don't really know. I think I'm just grateful for where I'm at in my life. I love that I have enough time to sit down and draw, or paint, or play the guitar, or whatever. Note to future Jeb: don't ever lose sight of the really important things! That's all.

Love, Jennifer

Photo Adventures

So today was day one of working on my final project. You know, I decided for this one, I will do it right. Work on it a lot, hard, and get it finished, without freaking out the last two days and spending hours after school. Plus, I have no 3rd or 4th period, so hopefully I'll be able to work during that time. Anyway, here is my adventure...

My project is a concentration of 12 photo montages (photo montage=a bunch of tiny pictures of an object, all put together, in a not-perfect way. they're great.). My subject is doors....wait, it gets better. haha. Each door will be different, and cool, and interesting. And at the bottom of each one will be a word that means opportunity or some synonym of that. I'm excited. I'm not sure if people really get the idea when I explain it to them, but I like it and think it will turn out well.

So I went to Provo today to check out their doors, and they actually had a few cool ones. The first place I went was the city library, which is this huge stone building. The door I really wanted to photograph was at the top of all of these stairs, and there was this homeless guy sitting at the bottom. I didn't really want to go over there, mostly because I had m's really nice, expensive camera. I kind of walked by, and kept walking around the building, but then felt ridiculous for feeling threatened by him for no reason. So once I got around to the front again (and still felt ridiculous), I just walked up to the steps to go up. The homeless guy was like "Who made your top?"
me: what?
h.g: your shirt, who made it?
me: oh, I don't know
h.g: I'm in fashion, and I'm always looking for labels to carry in my stores. What, did you get it at thrift store or something?
me: no, I've just kind of had it forever.

And then I walked up the stairs, shot the door really quickly, and left. haha. moving on.

I got a few other doors, but none that I really fell in love with, until I was driving around on the backstreets. There was this family outside gardening, and I looked at their door......purple with a rounded top! I simply could not pass it up! So I did a u-turn and parked in front of their house and got out with my camera. they were puzzled. I said, "Could I ask you a strange question? I'm in a photography class and doing a project on doors. Can I take some pictures of your door?" The guy had a big bushy beard and his wife was nice and earthy, and they were just kind of like "uh...sure." So I did. And their son (who was skateboarding) was definitely laughing at me. haha. oh well. My favorite door of the day, for sure.

# of comments on my shirt: 2
# of backstreets I drove down: a lot.
# of cute college guys I saw: 1. very cute.
# of cute college guys I talked to: 0. disappointing.
# of doors I actually photographed: 6
# of times I thought about how much I love my blog readers: 5 million.
Albums of the day: "We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank" by Modest Mouse, and
"Origin of Symmetry" by Muse.


Love, Jennifer

PS--I'm kind of involved in this love affair with M's camera. Really.

The end of it.

well....my night got a lot better :) All I can say is....Party at Natomba's, seeing my artwork hanging in her bathroom, tiny little puppies, David Bowie!, and talking about obsessive compulsions. I love weekends.

Love, Jennifer

how it starts out...

Well, here I am. It's the weekend, which I've been waiting for all week, and I'm sitting at home getting to that crazy-bored state.

Not much to say other than I've started working on dreaming again (it takes a ridiculous amount of work, I'm telling you), and also some self-discipline.

That's it. I'm done. I've gotta go somewhere or do something. Blah.

Love, Jennifer