Lately I've been thinking a lot about being "alone" and what exactly that means. I'm not really sure why; it could be because of this ridiculous impending graduation thing, or because I have the tendency to be "alone" even when I'm with people, or possibly a combination of both, or many other things. Whatever it is, I feel a lot of alone time creeping up on me, which could be either a good thing or a bad thing. I'm not sure. It's a strange feeling, being alone. I don't mean this in a complain-y way at all, but despite all the people I know and hang out with, I am essentially alone. Basically all of them have "others" of some sort, whether they be boyfriends/girlfriends, other halves, whatever. I've come to accept the fact that these "others" are (or will be) the most important part of their lives. As it should be. So where does that leave me?
Sometimes I enjoy that feeling of isolation, and can just revel in it and be happy, like today. Other days, other occasions, not so much. I think about who I am, what essential parts of myself I might find in other people, and how fantastic it will be when I find those people.
I think about this a lot, what there is out there waiting for me. It drives me absolutely insane, to tell you the truth. I have this insane hope that there are all of these perfect people for me waiting to be found, that I will soon find them, that it will work out, and make sense. And then I have this insane fear that that does not exist. That I will have to change what I'm looking for because what I envision isn't out there.
Anyway, my point is....wait, what is it? This aloneness thing, it isn't all bad, but wow is it strange. It's a strange thing to think that at this point in my life, the only thing I have holding me to one spot on the earth is my family. It's strange when I think of people who are attached to others, so seriously that it would change the direction of their lives.
Aloneness. We all have to face it at some point.
Much Love, Jennifer
4 comments:
There are those certain perfect moments in life where being alone is the best thing at that moment.
But I think sometimes we make ourselves feel a lot more alone than we really are.
The more you throw yourself into the world around you the more immersed and involved you will become with other people, and life itself.
Good blog :)
awe jeb.
you are not alone in the wonderful wrath of the a-word or phase.
you do have a huge thing coming up.
are you ready for it?
if you are ever feeling unbearably alone i will always be here for some warm delights, juice, salad fingers and good times.
oh and i need to paint your face for practice :D
love you a lot.
natalia
This is a nice blog. I like it!
Jebby,
Up until this year, this is pretty much the situation I've been in, so I know how you feel. Heck, even now I feel "alone" a lot of the time, because that's just how I am. Just thought you'd like to know, you're not alone in being alone :).
Love,
Berto
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