Kasa No Hone

The ribs of the umbrella
Have fallen apart;
The paper is also torn,
But with bamboo
Tied together.
Do not throw it away,
Though I
Also am torn,
Don't desert me.

Today's Inspirations

Love, Jennifer

I would like to talk about something...

It is pottery.  I do not know what has happened, but somehow I have regressed to the point of being able to do NOTHING!  It started out much this way but after a little struggle I conquered the idea of making a cup (which, apparently, is the absolute easiest thing to make ever.  apparently).  And then it happened, that little bit of self-sabotage I unfortunately let happen now and then.  I got just a little bit too confident in my "abilities."  Now I am knocked back to my senses by the newest assignment, which is "tall things" which by the way, I am not so good at making!  In fact, I'm kinda terrible...which does nothing for my desire to keep trying, although I know I have to.  If I could do this all in secret, I feel I might progress along much more quickly, because I'm not afraid to try, or to mess up, when no one's watching.  And here's the root of the problem, I believe...my expectations are generally WAY too high for myself.  And I hate, hate, hate failing at things.  I can't live with it.  Which is helpful in that I'll struggle along until I no longer fail, but extremely detrimental in that I have no patience until I get to a better place.  It's kind of ridiculous when you think about it, because COME ON!, we're talking about pottery here!  Anyway...I felt a little vent might be helpful because I have exactly 56 minutes until I have to leave to catch TRAX to make it to, yes, pottery.  And I'm tired of feeling frustrated about it.  Well that's all I'll say about that.

Speaking of, I best hurry and finish this as to leave time for some vegetable-scarfing before I have to go.  I went on a fruit and veggie shopping spree the other day, more of a sincere apology to my body than anything else since my diet has degraded lately to something I'm kind of embarrassed about.  Turns out chicken nuggets and taquitos don't cut it for a week straight...or more...  Granted, I am one of those college students, but considering my extreme interest in a career in Nutrition, shouldn't I know better?  Yeah, I definitely should.  Take this as my rededication to a better life.  And the result of MSN and their catchy little articles on health.  Or whatever.

Love, Jennifer

best read with a triscuit in your mouth...

10/19/09

I am not one for theatrics, but I feel I must confess:  I have achieved amazing things today!

....wait, maybe not.  but I did finally pound out the Research Methods paper I have due in the morning.  This thing has been HAUNTING me for about a week now.  It was just one of those things (insert my laziness here) where I could not get started.  Or keep going.  But that's how it usually goes with these things, right?  The things I have to do are the hardest but the things that will take me nowhere are so easy...and threaten so often to take over my life!  And the craziest part is that when I make up my mind to accomplish something, I can seriously get stuff done.  It's all a matter of willpower, I suppose.

Speaking of getting things done... I seriously need a job.  And this current failure is definitely not for lack of trying.  I cannot even tell you how many job applications I've filled out.  Or how many times my fragile little heart has been broken in the process.  I have one promising prospect at the moment, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed, and meanwhile plotting my next move.  Tell me what you think.  I turned in my app exactly one week ago, at which time I was told ...

1)They are definitely hiring.

2)My availability is legit!  (jk, that was for you, Morgie)  But seriously, my schedule is really awesome for an evening/weekend job.

So now, my (very minor) dilemma.  When is too early to call back and check on things?  Because I feel like if I just sit back and wait for something to fall into my lap, nothing will ever happen.  A little initiative never hurts, but I don't want to become overbearing.  So far I have two votes for going back in to chat sometime this week and if I hear no other suggestions, I will be doing just that.  Which seems pretty reasonable to me.  Where is the job?  I don't even want to tell you; I don't want to jinx this.  But let's all hope, right?  Go me.

Here's my latest thing: coming to terms/struggling with/accepting my seeming insignificance.  Hm.  This sounds way sadder than it actually is.  In fact, it's not really sad at all considering everyone on earth falls into this category.  Think about it, billions of people in the world, and all of us trying to make something of our lives.  This is especially hard when you finally realize being on your own means being on your own sometimes.  And even though there are people to always count on, sometimes you have to face all of it in solitude, because if you don't you will never know how it could have turned out.  Sometimes, on nights when I'm holed up in my little apartment next to the laundry room, trying hard to make it through a paper while thinking about the vegetables I haven't eaten lately and the skin crises heaped upon me in October and the fact that I am jobless and not engaged (which, by the way, is something I am getting mixed messages for but I don't really want to be married at this point in my life but should I???  Seems like the thing to do these days!) all the while trying to love correctly and unconditionally and also, what about God and doing what is right and what is that whole thing all about!  It's more dramatic than I intended, but these are a few of my current worries.  And then, I stop for just a small moment, and realize...

1) It is raining outside, and the sound is absolutely beautiful

2) Which I did not notice until my glorious roommate pointed it out to me, while visiting as I took a break from the paper, which

3) A really wonderful (and not to mention inspirational!) friend of mine is helping me with through the medium of text messages, facebook, and twenty-minute phone calls.  Also,

4) I don't have a job.  Yet.  But I do have hope.

5) I have someone to love.  Who still thinks I look good even when I have skin crises.

6) Figuring it all out is half of the fun.  (Fun...?  Wait...)

7)  I have Rosemary and Olive Oil Triscuits, and

8)  I'm still breathing so I must still be alive.

So here's to being insignificant for the moment and finding happiness in such a thing.  And here's to good snack foods and doing amazing things, even though they are hard.

Love, Jennifer

saturday

10/17/09

Today turned out to be one of those days that is inexplicably wonderful for really no reason at all.  After sleeping in (and in and in...) and hanging around the apartment for awhile, I set off for Liberty Park.

I love Liberty Park.  I really do.  Besides the fact that it is HUGE, I just really like the idea of having a little haven in the middle of Salt Lake City where people flock to when they want a bit of an escape.  As of yet, I have found nowhere in Salt Lake where people are so happy!  Or anywhere so peaceful.  Or where rollerblading has been revived so well.  Ha!

Today's highlight was the medieval swordfighting group.  It was awesome.  While walking around, I found this huge group of people all dressed up in costumes and holding foamy swords and shields, enacting a huge battle.  It was so great.  And quite complicated.... I wasn't there long enough to figure it out but they had these complex rules to follow...very impressive.  And as I was leaving, I heard one of them yell "Gandalf!"  :)

In other news, I saw Where the Wild Things Are last night.  It was not at all like I expected.  I'm not sure exactly what was off about it, but I left the theatre feeling a little disappointed and quite confused.  The plot was just really strange, but the monsters were freaking awesome.  Which is all that really matters, I guess.

Love, Jennifer

picturelife

October 9. 2009

New idea.  I'm terrible at explaining things in words, so I'll let the magic of my camera phone do it for me.  Here's an update of how things look in my life right now, through my favorite medium of photography.

my new favorite thing!  yummy yummy dino buddies!  5 pounds of them; thank you costco :)

This is Don!  it's midnight, and it's his birthday.  it was a good time; he was like a little kid waiting for his present :)  Now that he has it, he is quite content.

This is a dummy.  M and I left it in someone's room.  And, I quote, we are "creepers!  i almost peed my pants!"  best idea ever.

This is where I study.  And watch movies.  And am eaten by the free squirrel couch.

This is my room!  Perpetually unmade bed and the macbook i am addicted to.  and a pile of books i swear i'll get to when i have time.  over there on the wall is my 8 pages of reading assignments for this term.  completion rate:  around 20%.  boo me.
This is where i sit every day, waiting for TRAX to take me home.  that guy looks like he's popping out of the trash can, but really he's not.

Sep. 26...my birthday!  i'm old!  donald took me shopping:  he's a man-purse (as he likes to say.)

i also went to homecoming with him, which was excellent

And that is my life in pictures.

Love, Jennifer