"Without even a head to comfort him..."

Blog family! I feel like i haven't blogged in 200 years....but really more like 12 or so days.

To start with, a quick rundown:
Movies you should see:
I Am Legend (Will Smith, very good)
The Painted Veil (Edward Norton, pretty dang good)

Also, Christmas was awesome! I had a really good holiday this year, even though poor Michelle Pickleface wasn't here... it was still very nice, plus my brother and Erin were in Utah this year, so that was an excellent bonus. Working with the peace house provided some really cool opportunities that I wouldn't have had otherwise, for which i am really grateful. presents rock, but so does kindness, right?

There is a small (big) project underway, and i need everyone's help! If you have any pictures from our years in high school together, you should definitely try to get them to me! i can borrow printed, old-school kinds which i will return, you can email them to me, or perhaps most convenient of all, post them on your blog and i will simply steal them with pleasure! this would be really helpful and in the end it will turn out really cool. gracias.

I got my wisdom teeth out today! It was kind of nerve-wracking, i must say--the wait at least. I had to make myself unclench my fists on the ride to PC. in hindsight, i'm not actually sure what i was nervous about. but still. they numbed my arm a bit, then put the iv in. (not nearly as big as my last encounter with a needle!) i got a nice oxygen mask, and while i was trying to tell if i could recognize any difference between pure oxygen and the air we breathe, lots of people walked in, and commented on things such as my christmas ("it was really good, yeah."), my straight, nice teeth (oh, haha, those. well thanks), and finally those "sweet babies" which turned out to be my wisdom teeth. i guess some are more fond of them than others. who knows? anyway, i was concentrating on determining the exact point when the anesthesia kicked in, and the next thing I know, the nurse and my mother are trying to wake me up. what a strange experience...my mom asked why i was staring at her like that, but her image kept floating off of the plane of her body. after a few minutes, i felt less woozy, although still wobbly, and we started to make our way to the car. morgan and her mom were in the waiting room (i realized this when she started laughing), so i stopped to "talk" or whatever would come next, but I had no rational words to say or any comments for her. i just felt really, really out of it. apparently there was gauze in my mouth, which was completely numb, but when Morgan asked, all I could say was "I don't know," and then make my way on. After I got home, i slept for awhile, then ate a little bit of pudding stuff which watching the office. and then...... hannah came over! i was very excited about this, she being the only one out of a few people who actually came to see me like they said. not that i'm bitter. lol.

anyway, that's about how my break has gone so far. see you all soon, i'm sure.

Love, Jennifer

musings on the english world

So, AP English. It's kind of dramatic to me. Haha. But seriously.

It's been a weird process this year. I've totally realized that most of all the things we "learned" in previous English classes basically suck and aren't applicable anymore. And that those classes were ridiculously easy, even when they seemed hard. About 55% of the time now, I leave class realizing I'm not so good as I thought I was, and that sucks. It's pretty depressing, actually.

Like the essay I wrote on Cold Mountain, where I totally thought I covered my bases very well and explained my points logically and intelligently, and generally just did a really good job. But then I get it back and I got a 5 out of 9. Yeah, that's an F. But the strange thing is, I'm getting used to it, and as opposed to the past, where this kind of thing would just infuriate me and I'd stop being open minded about criticism, I can take it now. So instead of freaking out and giving up, I took it and rewrote it today, and at least it's better. I don't know if it's right, but it's better. And in the past? Yeah, no drafts at all. Went straight from idea in my head to finished paper. Now I rewrite my papers and elaborate my ideas until they're good.

This all sounds kind of superfluous and pointless, but it's really not. I've finally been broken down and torn off my throne of good writing. I'm not naturally a perfect writer, surprise! I have to work at it, which I now realize. The thing is, I can actually learn something now. And that's really exciting to me; maybe that makes me a nerd, but I don't really care! Finally I feel like I'm not leaving high school empty-handed. I have to actually think in this class, and we've had the best discussions of my three years at Wasatch. It's not just about English, it's about universal ideas and feelings and all sorts of good stuff. I started out thinking I would hate everything expected of me, but at this point I'm so, so glad I can't get away with average. It's really nice. Hard, challenging, but nice.

Love, Jennifer

I can't believe I wrote all this on English. Haha. Lame. Oh well.

Three French Hens

Well! It's December and snowy and getting so close to Christmas! I love it. Today I spent the morning doing sub for santa/holiday helpers gift buying and wrapping...it was kind of an odyssey. I was designated as Park City shopper, so a sophomore named Tyler and I perused our way around buying gifts for about eight people. It was kind of an intense shopping trip...a lot of stuff to buy in a pretty short amount of time. And it's probably the most I've ever spent at one store at once. Like $600. It was crazy, and a lot of fun actually.

We got back to Heber and finished wrapping everything with the help of everyone. And then there was pizza and much joy and happiness. So it was nice. And things like this are what I really, actually like about Christmas. Not having a pile of stuff on Christmas morning. It's the really good feeling you get because no matter who you are, Christmas is a time of loving people and being the best people we can to everyone. And just generally feeling good most of the time.

Love, Jennifer

PS--Never try to get any information out of Travis! All you'll get is some cryptic clues that make you think of towels.

Happy First Snowfall

Love, Jennifer

Saturday Night Poem Time

This one's something like a riddle. :)


It is lovely, lacking, sparing,
Stark and clear and flatly bound,
Once gave pause and cause to think
If existence has a sound.

Once an arm and fist of green,
Once a sentinel of old,
Once an eye that saw it all,
For now a silent world I hold.

I'm to place my thoughts and words
On this tiny, wary screen?
On this wise and thoughtful soul;
On this living, breathing thing?

I think I lack the aptitude
And confidence of what is mine
To scribble on this piece of earth,
To write upon the bones of time.

And so I'll leave it blank, or yet,
I'll leave it as it always was,
To sit and without speaking it,
To testify there's more than us.


Love, Jennifer

So far, so far, so far...

So, Brady has discovered my blog, which is all at once awesome and kind of funny and worrying because there's so much stuff on here. Lol. Oh well, it's good.

It's almost December, which is AWESOME because Christmas is coming! I'm very excited because there is really no better feeling than waking up to new snow (hopefully, right?) and being warm and happy with your family on Christmas morning. I love that. And also Thanksgiving is this week, which is a smaller dose of the same feeling, plus lots and lots of good food, which is always a good thing for me. So I'm excited; plus we have breaks for both of these holidays. And I am never opposed to sleeping in. :)

This weekend was kind of ridiculously busy, but still a lot of fun. On Thursday I helped with Reality Town all day, which sucked but oh well. That afternoon we left for Fall Leadership Conf. for FBLA in Provo. Session that night, then a dance. I met this really nice kid from Morgan, although I forget his name, but still. And I had possibly the most fun ever dancing. I danced like a crazy person with this really nerdy, really attractive guy to an O-Zone song, and that was possibly the highlight of the whole thing. Friday morning Morgan and I left early and drove (successfully!) to the University of Utah.

We spent all of Friday touring the campus and housing and checking everything out. Then that night we met our host, whose name was Madeline and spent the rest of the night with her and everyone who lived on her dorm floor. It was freaking awesome, no lie. It made me sooooooo (x 100) excited for college. We even sort of played straight up. I loved it.

Saturday we drove home and took a nap (we were up until 3 a.m.), then got ready for our Sadie Hawkins date, which I might add was kind of monumental. I took Diogo, and our group went to eat at Guru's, then played Laser Tag (always a favorite), then went back to Kami's to get ready. After we were all ready--Diogo and I dressed as the fifties, and he looked awesome--we went to the dance, which was kind of lame, and got pictures. After all that, and after the dance ended, we went to Morgan's house and had ice cream. We discussed People magazine's sexiest man alive edition, which was a surprisingly good conversation, then talked about movies until like 12:30. It was a really fun day/weekend.

And that's about all the update I can muster. I've missed you, bloggers. :D

Love, Jennifer

Pop Rocks and Conflict

Dear Blog Family/World/Internet,

Today I was thinking about, well, a lot of things and about all the categories people fit into in high school. Such as, the one who for whatever reason, just has a really exceptional high school experience, and every moment for them is a yearbook moment. Or there's the one who completely hates it for no other reason than the fact that they just hate it. And there are a hundred other little categories that fall in between those, one of which I fit into. And mine isn't necessarily good, although it has been good, and not necessarily bad, although it has been that as well.

In psychology we talked about some stages of "finding" yourself, or whatever you'd like to call it, figuring out your world or whatever. He told us about the "crisis" stage, which isn't as negative as it sounds, where you're trying everything and testing and exploring everything trying to find what fits you. You've made no decisions but you're trying. And I realized in this one strange, crystallized moment that I've been in this 'crisis' stage for like two years. And I'm completely serious. I kind of feel like the cliche picture of a conflicted high schooler. I'm insanely frustrated, at nothing at all! Sometimes I get what I'm looking for, but often I do not, which is a source of confusion to me. The things I'm trying to find are not bad, or unworthy, just somehow out of reach... which has led to a lot of thought about the whole thing, whether they are things that will never be available or if I'm just supposed to sit it out and wait. It's very troubling. Lol. Because honestly, I don't know how much there is out there if the simplest things I'm looking for are never to be found.

Love, Jennifer

ps- I was a really fantastic tiger for Halloween! And I had to scream whenever anyone touched me at dinner. That was interesting. Lol. I'll post pictures later when I'm not lazy.

Oh. also, pop rocks=fizzy throat feeling. hahaha.

((()))---^--------|

Alright, just to begin with, I'm really really excited because tonight is Kami's (sort of, not really) annual Halloween party. And I'm really excited to wear my costume, because it is just plain ridiculous. This is one of those times when it pays to be a small person. I'll have to post some pictures or something later. lol.

It's been really nice not having school... yesterday I had lunch with Britta and Erin. We had a pretty good conversation about everything on earth. And of course, we ended up talking about the upcoming graduation of us seniors and whatnot, so I left feeling weird, like I always do after talking about this stuff. And I turn on my car, and the one fateful line that I hear is "I can't wait to go gray." Oh, Death Cab. Do you have to be so unnaturally wise?

Love, Jennifer

It's Good To Be In Love

I haven't blogged forever, so I guess everyone now has the right to call me a slacker. It was bound to happen. lol.

Anyway, nothing super important to write about, except this one little moment that made me think, "wow, i should blog about that."

We were at Enano's house about to watch 1408, and I was listening to this song on Morgan's iPod. It's called "It's Good To Be In Love" by Frou Frou. And it's just one of those songs that the first time I heard it, I instantly fell in love with. So anyway, I can't hear anything but this song, and it's AMAZING--one of those songs that makes you insanely glad to be alive and exactly where you are. And I look in the little piano room, and Enano's in the background with this huge smile, playing guitar, Hannah and Travis are in the doorway holding hands, and Morgan's just facing them, talking to them. And it was such an ordinary situation, but set to this song, it was like....art. I seriously could not look away. In my gallery of mental snapshots, this one is in a gold frame. Not because it was special or different in any way, but because it is the closest I've ever come to putting my finger on the simple, unconditional, good-freaking-times that follow us everywhere.

I thought about the last, like, four years and how many moments exactly like this we'd had. And how I've loved every one of them. Even the "boring" times when we did nothing at all, sometimes those were the best. And how maybe we'll have to be leaving this stuff soon... such a weird, melancholy, bittersweet feeling. In that moment, I realized how good it is to be exactly where I was, even if not forever. It's good to be in love. I do know that the day I move out, or on, or whatever it may be, that I will leave much wiser and happier and infused with these thousands of pointless, but infinitely important moments. All thanks to a song.

Love, Jennifer

clashing of worlds

I'm having this strange clashing of worlds. Lol.

I'm registering to vote tomorrow. Also, buying dresses and whatnot for Homecoming. I mean, weird, right?

I'm going through the college process. And also the daily dramas of High School.

I've learned lately that no matter what's going on, it can all be fixed with a little deep breathing and thought. Oh, and Coldplay. So yes.

Haha. I am such a boring blogger these days. That's okay though... this blog was always kind of about me sending off random thoughts into the abyss of the internet.

Good night, see you all tomorrow.

Love, Jennifer

And I would walk on water...

I've been evolving. Lol.

I don't know what's been going on really....not so much anyway. But I'll post some highlights for you...

First sickness of the season! Haha, yay. I told my mom that I didn't believe in western medicine, but she gave me a pill anyway.

I found a book. Yes, and it's quickly moved up to one of my top five books ever. It's called The Tao of Pooh (as in, winnie the pooh), and it's ridiculously good. I have no idea how to explain Tao, (which, oddly enough, is Tao in action), so I won't try. Just take my word that it's good and maybe go out and read it yourself.

I've been thinking A LOT. And having some good conversations because of it. For instance, I have decided that the root of every decision ever (and I mean every one) is to make yourself happy. It makes sense. And also, I've come to the conclusion that most dreams are never realized, and I'm still in the process of trying to figure out why. Maybe dreams aren't forgotten or unachieved, they simply evolve into other dreams? I don't know.

My whole freaking college plan collapsed. I'm serious. I was thinking Westminster would be fantastic, but it turns out that it's....well, not so much. It's a big party school, and that's a turn off. And also....all of the sudden, it just feels wrong. Each time I think about it, it seems weirder and more wrong to me, so I suppose that's my answer. Also, I was sort of planning on eventually making it to Washington or Oregon for school. Found out those are ridiculously expensive places to live. Combined with out of state tuition, and I'm screwed. So hmm. Back to square one for me.

Good season for music and concerts and just plain happiness.

New Healthy plan with Morgan has gone into effect. Sweet.

Also, I appreciate all of you times a billion. Really.

Love, Jennifer

here's how it is.

So, good news. I'm feeling much better, because I have just realized that I'm doing okay, and I've gotten back into things without incident. It is a strange thing, a lot of stuff is happening right now. In the "milestones" department of my life, probably more is happening than has been so far in the last...oh, five years. I don't know. lol. But instead of freaking out (I am a person of habit, and familiarity), I'm just....well....taking it. I'm somehow accepting each new phase and new thought and new stage and I'm adapting, and actually feeling happy and excited about it. It's so weird, but maybe this is what growing up really is. Maybe I've finally figured it all out. Ha.

So today, if you would ask me how I am, or how I'm feeling, my answer would probably be something like, "Big sigh of relief." And I'm not sure if I would actually say that, or if I would actually do it, but that's what it would be. Lol.

Love, Jennifer

an update for you. i am slacking.

Sorry, this won't be long, but i think i should just give a little update...

school, school, school. i'm in the middle of trying to get back into it, and used to it. not so easy this time for some reason....anyway, i'm figuring that out. and realizing that things may be changing a bit for me this year. but in a good way. so, i'll be trying to get some balance for a bit, but i think this year will turn out to be very good.

love to the internet world and all of you reading this,
Jennifer

A thousand words are simply not enough.

Summer is nearly over. And honestly, not a lot has happened...but at the same time, so much has. :)


I have seen things bigger than myself...
And shared them with those that I love.
I have had plenty of reasons to smile...
And plenty of times when the happiest thing was simply being glad to be alive and in the moment.
I've done some hard things which ended up having the greatest reward...
And I've seen people prove to me exactly what they can do. Impressive.
I've seen some beautiful things...
And some beautiful people.
I've had fun, even when things didn't go perfectly...
And spent time with the coolest of the cool. lol.
I've had some really spontaneous moments...
And remembered why I love it here.
I've remembered to not take anything too seriously...
And have not forgotten the ones who won't forget me.
I've found happiness on Emo Lane...
And I've found music at the Library.
I've been lazy...
And I've buried some memories and wishes.
I've taken some people on "dates"...
And started a new gang.

I've seen art in unexpected places...
And grown closer (yes, it was possible) to the Fammy.
I've seen people returning to some old favorites...
And I've been reminded why my old favorites are my old favorites.
I've relaxed and enjoyed the past three months...

I've let go of some things...


And accepted some new.I've played around...
And maybe even had a misunderstanding or two.
I've learned new things about everyone...

And a few about myself.


But I couldn't have, and wouldn't dream of, doing any of it without all of you.
Thanks for making it worthwhile. And thanks for the memories.

Love,

hola.

Hmm. Summer is almost over. Isn't that terrible? I think so. But also, in a way, I'm excited, because this is a chance to start over and enjoy my last year of high school. I can make it whatever I want. And I want it to be amazing!

I guess I don't have too much to blog about. It's been a really, really strange last two weeks for me. I've been all over the place, and really conflicted. And just feeling pretty crappy. But I am sorry to see summer go.

Love, Jennifer

schedule...it's the thing to post.

Well, here is my schedule for this year. I'm quite pleased. :)

1- AP English
2-Health
3-Psychology 1100
5-Concert Choir
6-Chemistry
7-Seminary
8-Financial Literacy

....if you will notice, NO MATH!!!

Lots o' love, Jennifer

Dirk

For Hannah. Hahahahaha.

Love, Jennifer

learning to drive...?

So, my one summer goal was to learn to drive a stick shift. And I made a point of only making one serious goal because I didn't really want my summer to be structured or have expectations, so this is the one thing I decided I NEEDED to do. And yet, here I am, in the last weeks of summer vacation, and my foot has yet to step on a clutch or shift the.....shifty thingy.

So I guess my point is, any of you out there who would like to teach me, yay. Cause I still have time lol. And also, this is the lamest blog ever.

Last night, however, was incredibly successful. That's all. :D

Love, Jennifer

sunrise and moonset. oh, and a really scary movie.

Bonjour,

So this is what I woke up at five forty-five this morning for. I'd say it ended up being worth it. My alarm went off, and I fought every feeling inside me to go back to sleep. After I quickly got dressed, I left a little note and rode my bike over to memorial hill. then i pedaled/walked up it. that thing is freakin long, lol. once i finally made it to the top, i sat around for about thirty minutes waiting for the sun to rise. for your information, it rises at about 6:40. anyway, at that moment I got this picture which i originally didn't think much of, but like a lot now!



the cool thing about this whole adventure was that while the sun was rising to my left, on my right the moon was just setting behind timp. and now I can say that I saw the line that divides night and day... sometimes the amazing stuff just overwhelms me, you know?

so today kind of ended up being a day of doing some nice nature things. after the sunrise adventure, i went home and slept for a while, then rescued hannah's family, who ran out of gas. :) lol. then I went to my grandpa's and hung up his laundry then talked to him for awhile. after that I went home, got lunch, then drove up to the grove, where I sat beneath this great old tree and tried to draw it. quite difficult....more so than it seemed anyway. but i did enjoy it. while I was there, about three deer wandered by. some were more cautious of me than others, but i did manage to get about two decent pictures. the weird things like that are making me happy these days.

tonight i went with erin, britta, and brady to the Jordan Landings to see a movie. Oh wow, did we get lost. Erin quickly took on the role of "yell person", britta the role of "being right but sometimes ignored", brady of "scapegoat", and me of "sitting there saying absolutely nothing." oh yes, I was also there for emotional stability of the group. It was decided that laws are made for people who know where they're going, and eventually, apparently because of my prayers, we made it there. and we were even in time to see the previews before, lol. we met brock, kylie, jacob ward, and his two brothers, and saw "1408". it was freakin' scary. i seriously screamed out loud like three times (i never do that), and was clutching britta's knee the whole time. but, it was a cool, if bizarre, movie. and we even made it home without incident.

that's all for now. good night to all.

Love, Jennifer

IKEA and my new plant.

So yesterday I went with Norgan to Ikea to get some more amazing stuff for her room-in-progress. I've just gotta say....that place is fantastic. Seriously, it blows my mind. There are so many beautiful rooms in the showroom, and all the stuff is priced really well. As I told Hannah, it brought out my inner Martha Stewart, which immediately started yelling "Decorate! Decorate! Decorate!" So ha. Take that WalMart.

We walked around and picked stuff up for about four hours, then as we were almost leaving, we found a whole bunch of really cheap bamboo plants. So we were each going to get one, but we couldn't decide on just one, so we ended up getting two. Morgan named hers Shanghai and Mulan, (very fitting for a bamboo plant), and mine are: Frodo (the fat one on the left) and Voldemort (the sinister, skinny looking one). We were really excited about these.

As we were walking around lighting land, we passed this guy, who was talking to his new wife, I'm pretty sure. And this was one of those amazing movie moments that actually happened in real life. But anyway, he kind of started shouting and said, "No! I just can't wait to build my house with you!" And he was so excited, and she was sort of embarrassed but you could tell they were totally in love. And I was in love with that guy for that moment. So that made me really happy.

So that's about all that's going on in my life. Bamboo plants and all. But I've gotta say, I'm definitely in love with summer. Still. Always.

Love, Jennifer

to britta :D

Hey everyone...

So do you know what today is? It's britta marie's birthday! i'm very excited about this, so happy sweet sixteen britta :D

so not very much has been going on. it's been a nice week of doing great things with morgan though....i'm sure you've all seen the pictures by now, and that's just the part of it we got on film. it's been nice, but i'm also glad hannah's back, so now the fammy's been fully reunited. yay.

wow, this sucks. but sorry, that's about all i've got going on right now. lol. i ran through the sprinkler mist tonight.

Love, Jennifer

Deux Cents et Compte

Well you can just break out the party hats, because this is officiall Blog #200. That's right. And I must admit, I'm in a somewhat uncomfortable mood, so to counteract this, I will think of the good things that I have. And those are all of you. Yes, yes. So the following is a list of all of you, the ones I love, and the great things you've done for me. Or maybe just why I love you. Anyway, happy 200.

Hannah: You've done a lot, a lot for me, which makes this hard to choose. But, I must warn you, my choice is not based on overall impact. It's just something that struck me as really sweet and selfless that I was incredibly grateful for. Remember that night, after the massage day with Morgan and her mom? And I was pretty disappointed because of something that happened earlier (which happened a lot) and we were just in my room, probably eating yogos or otter pops. anyway, an opportunity arose and you totally let me ditch you because it was important to me at the time. And this seems really stupid, but that was a big thing, because at that moment I realized that you really, really cared about my happiness. and that is worth the world.

Morgan: I love you because you always think of the really best, wonderful things to do for me. For example, back when I worked at Le Hub, I absolutely hated it. But the days when you would walk in, always with this perfect Morgan smile, it made me very happy. And you never ever come empty-handed. Like when you brought me a sobe, or like the day it rained and you, shirt spotted with raindrops, came to wftm with sunflowers. those are the things that mean a lot.

Britta: You always check in with me, and I've gotta say, it makes me feel nice. You always ask how i'm doing, and really, I know what you're actually asking. And I always feel like I can be honest with my answer. Did you notice how I used "always" a lot in this? That's because that's what you are; you are an "always" person, and I'm infinitely glad I can count on you like that.

Michael: I love you because you are much much "too nice". I have no idea who told you that, but I hope you completely ignore it. Seriously. The world could use a whole bunch more "too nice" people. It balances out the times when things get feeling "too bad."

Besto: No one is like you! Once you told me something like, "you can't expect him to stay single forever." And you were so right, because that's exactly what I had been doing. And I completely hated it that you said that, but I knew it was true. And I'm glad you are so ridiculously honest, because honesty is, well, a good thing.

Tyler: The very best thing you've done is accept me for me. And that is no small feat, lol. Like staying up forever because i had the terrible idea of cookies at one a.m., and then later eating them and pretending they weren't so bad. or playing ninjas on the hill. or bringing me cornflakes. and i'm hardly ever completely honest with anyone, but I was with you and to my surprise and delight, you showed me that that doesn't always end badly. Thanks.

Randi: Well, you really truly experience life fully, and I envy that. I've never seen you change to fit something that's not you, and I think that's great. Plus, you do look like a gummybear in goggles.

Erin: You're easy to talk to, which is always nice. I get the feeling that one of these days, given the right circumstances, I just might spill my guts to you. And no one could've pulled off the "jebby" thing and got that going except you.

Lurpie: I was really glad to know that you still remembered. And as for things you've done for me, at the very top of the long list is you not minding the phone calls and for the very first choir tour. both meant the world.

Enano: Yours is really, really easy. The bowling night, complete with snowy music and driving away. And you always, always make me laugh.

Brady: Thanks for the 2 a.m. night. And I have no idea why I said all that stuff, but you really didn't mind. I appreciate the philosophy and your trying to be a good person in the midst of a weird situation.

Lakey: Strange of me to use this word, but the best was the innocent way in which you approached it. Thanks for being the first.

Toni: Yeah, you'll never read this, but you definitely make the list anyway. I am still in love with the invented holidays and the knowledge that I never had a sister but actually did all along.


Love, Jennifer

"Caring about others, running the risk of feeling, and leaving an impact brings happiness." -Harold Kushner

Quincinera

Hola!

Last night was a lot of fun. I went to Besto's cousin, Karevi's quincinera. And by the way, I think she has the prettiest name ever! And dress! I got to see Besto do this choreographed dance with Karevi and all the other escorts, along with Michael, Britta, Brigette, and Erin....then Enano and Joy came later. It was amazing! It will definitely be forever imprinted on my mind, because it was just that good. I think I had this big smile on my face the whole time as I watched. After the formal sort of things, it was just like this big party, and after awhile even Britta, Michael, and I got sort of over our whiteness and danced. And yeah, we probably still sucked, being white and all, but as Berto put it, "Yeah, but it's cool that you try."

So that was fun. I'm definitely glad I was there.

So I just had a thought. The most comments I've ever gotten for one post is six. And I think we could beat that, because I know of 8 people who do, or have, read my blog. So we'll see, right? Lol, I'm not holding my breath though.

Love, Jennifer

nature moment

So, yesterday for YW's we hiked to Stuart Falls. And I was definitely in love with it! The hike definitely wasn't bad, pretty even and about 1.7 miles. Finally we kind of descended down this hill and got the first glimpse of the falls....oh wow. A few of us walked down to the river beneath, and looked up at everything. It was amazing. And it had the nicest cool mist coming down off it. We climbed up higher to the next level up, where there was a smallish pool sort of thing right off where the water comes down before it goes into the next waterfall. It was just really, really nice. I wanted to just stand there for hours. Or live there. Or whatever. But I loved it. So there's my nature moment of the week.

Also, the weather right now is beyond perfect.

And also, in case you didn't know this and read it before tonight, at the farmers' market today there will be a swing band! yay.

Love, Jennifer

New Jennifer---this one's faking it.

So this summer I've been thinking a lot about college. And honestly, it's scaring me to death...I am not a decision maker. I realized this mostly last summer when I met for lunch with someone at Dairy Keen. And I hadn't ever really hung out with him, so he didn't know much about me, and he still told me I wasn't a decision maker. And this story is sort of beside the point, but he is so right. I'm freaking out, because when it really comes down to it, I am going to have a ridiculously hard time deciding anything. And these are important decisions here.

Somewhere in between all this decision making, I've started to realize that this doesn't fit. I shouldn't be deciding on COLLEGE stuff... I mean, it makes me feel mature or something, and I mean really, but that's so wrong. I'm not mature! I'm going to the midnight premier of Harry Potter tonight! I still put Nesquik chocolate powder on my ice cream, because that's just plain delicious. I sleep on my trampoline. I carry around playdough in my purse, just in case. This college decision making thing is completely wrong. I'm definitely not "grown up" so how'd I get to this point so quickly? Sigh. I may seem mature on the outside, but inside I'm still about twelve years old. So yeah, new Jennifer, and about the maturity, well, she's faking it.

Love, Jennifer

summer nights

surprise. another good quote from Goodbye Tsugumi.

"On nights like this when the air is so clear, you end up saying things you ordinarily wouldn't. Without even noticing what you're doing, you open up your heart and just start talking to the person next to you--you talk as if you have no audience but the glittering stars, far overhead. There are any number of negatives showing nights like this filed in the "Summer Nights" section of my brain....The knowledge that as long as I went on living I would always have chances to feel these nights made it possible for me to have hope for the future. Lovely nights like tonight....I knew this night would never be back, but that didn't matter. Just having the possibility, just knowing that I might find myself again in a night like this, in some other summer, was enough to make it all perfect."

As you can probably tell, I'm in love with this book. lol.

So tonight Hannah and Morgan and I (and probably (and hopefully) everyone else) are going to the farmer's market. yay. except for it's like three o'clock right now and 100 degrees, which is (as enano would say) ri-gosh-dang-diculous. anyway, i'm still excited.

Love, Jennifer

goodbye tsugumi

Right now I'm reading a book called "Goodbye Tsugumi" by Banana Yoshimoto. This next part is one of the best things I've read in a long time. It's just really, really good. Really.

"...we were all struggling to conceal the murky snarl of emotions that must actually have slept deep inside each one of us. Life is a performance, I thought. Perhaps the word "illusion" would have meant more or less the same thing, but to me "performance" seemed closer to the truth. Standing there in the midst of the crowd that evening, I felt this realization swirl dizzily through my body in a dazzling splendor of light, if only for an instant."

and the next part of it is what i've always thought about but never put into words...

"Each one of us continues to carry the heart of each self we've ever been, at every stage along the way, and a chaos of everything good and rotten. And we have to carry this weight all alone, through each day that we live. We try to be as nice as we can to the people we love, but we alone support the weight of ourselves."

That's all.

Love, Jennifer

Why Hello, Beautiful

Whew. Back from Chicago this afternoon. It really was an amazing trip. I realized that I really, really love cities. It was such a crazy, fast place, but I loved everything about it. The walking everywhere thing was sort of tiring, but I could get used to it. The buildings there were huge and riding elevators kind of sucked, but seeing skyscrapers everywhere was really new compared to everything flat here in Utah. The things I didn't exactly love where driving and the lack of stars. And not to say that I actually drove anywhere because I definitely didn't, but I would have been risking my life if I had! It's kind of strange to come home and drive around without careening or honking your horn all the time. And the stars....well, lack of.....that was the one thing that bothered me most, how it was so hazy there that you could only see a few stars every night. I kept thinking about Utah, and nights when it was so dark here you could see ridiculous amounts of stars. Overwhelming amounts of stars. And I really missed that.

But, all in all, I really love Chicago and miss it already. It is nice to be home though... and I definitely do not miss airports. We came really close to missing our plane this morning, and that would've really sucked. Airport security is getting really tight these days and the lines are super long. So, thank goodness I won't have to do that again for awhile. But, that also means my traveling is mostly over, which sucks. But that's okay, the city fulfilled all my wildest dreams, so it was probably a success. :D

Love, Jennifer

au revoir

Well, I've gotta say, I'm insanely excited to leave for Chicago tomorrow. True, I will miss everyone more than you all could imagine, and I'm not sure I'll be able to handle leaving BTN, but...I'm still really excited. And if I have time and find some cool (hopefully free) stuff, I'll totally bring you all something amazing. And oh yeah, pumpkins memorobilia :D

So, have a fantastic week. We'll be back on the second sometime. Mucho Love to all.

Love, Jennifer

Fireworks in June

So yesterday I was with Derek and Michael, and Derek had the extreme urge to buy fireworks, so we headed over to Days and did so. I found sixty sparklers for a dollar, yeah, that's right, so I bought them. Then last night I was having one of my late night moments, so I took a box outside at midnight and looked at the stars then lit some sparklers. And that, dear blog world, is what I love about summer and what I feel like doing every day of the year.

Oh. And also I had about three really good conversations yesterday. You know what? It feels really good to tell people stuff that you've been wanting to say. In fact, go do it right now....it just might make your day magical.

Love, Jeb

"I get by with a little help from my friends..."

This week has been insanely random and really really fun...

On Thursday, I went to the Farmer's Market and found Jake, Besto, Michael, and Derek. We sat directly in front of the stage and listened to this crazy classic rock band, that I think was called Dr. Bob. Dr. something, anyway... I got really hungry, and realized that it wasn't a great place for food, so I found Besto, Joy, Brigette, and Krystal, who were also looking for food, and we all went to Subway. When we got there, Besto and I decided that I was taking him on a date, so I bought him a sandwich, and for the rest of the night we enjoyed our date. lol. we went back to the park, and listened to some more Dr. Bob, then after awhile Hannah came. Hoorah! Later we went to Britta's and paid her a "suprise" "hypothetical" visit. We all walked around emo lane, then kind of just laid on the sidewalk and laughed and took pictures and looked at the stars.

Friday, Black and Tan Nation was basically born. And as you are asking yourselves right now, "Is that a gang?" well yes, it is. We had what was the first of many trips to Borders, where we perused to our hearts' delight for about two hours, then made our way to Jamba Juice and the abandoned pizza hut. All of this is simply too amazing for words...

On Saturday Michael took me on an amazing date...that morning, he picked me up and took me to breakfast, all early, which was extra nice I thought. I had to work after that until two, but around four, he, tyler, and randi came by and picked me up. we went to days and bought lunchables, naked juice, snapple, and bread, then went to the duck pond in midway (which an insane amount of people know about now!). We ate our lunchables, and tyler definitely got his tiny mustard packet all over michael, and I mean ALL OVER. good thing Michael is a blue, or tyler would be dead. haha. after that we fed the ducks, and he and i decided that the bottom of the pond is most likely made of bread...which seems more and more true the more you think about it. then we played on the playground sort of thing until tyler had to go home to pack. they dropped michael and i off at my house, where we got in my car, then drove to the bridge in midway and then a stream where we made wishes. it was pretty amazing. after that we began a secret operation which i cannot speak of here. mmhmm. after, we went to besto's house and played on his computer until i had to go. whew. it was a lot of fun.

today, I had a family picnic sort of thing for my grandma's (g unit!) birthday. My family is nuts, I just have to say. after I went to see hannah, since I havent' seen her in forever, and we talked and laughed and just had an all-around fabulous time. "I don't want to listen to you!" "ice lollies." hahahaha

Love, Jennifer

ps. holy amazing guitarness. i've never wanted to play anything so badly as this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VAkOhXIsI0&NR=1

parents

Well, I guess I'm just in a quotey, not sleeping mood. I was watching Scrubs one night (I LOVE scrubs, by the way. dear everyone, someone should buy me like, every season of it! i'd marry you, no questions asked. lol) and it was this episode about parents and how hard it is for kids and parents to understand each other. it made me think and laugh a lot at the same time, which is exactly why i love this show. Anyone, one of my favorite quotes from the episode (and stealing britta's idea, also the quote of the day)...

Cox: You are, in fact, a perfectly healthy 26-year-old doctor who keeps whining about how horrible his father was.
J.D.: Well, he did some considerable emotional damage, so...
Cox: Every one of our parents does considerable emotional damage, and from what I've heard, it just might be the best part of being a parent. Now, if come guy ever does put a ring on your finger and you're lucky enough to pop out a youngster I'm sure you'll understand. But for now, believe me when I tell you I wouldn't care if this was the first time you ever met your daddy. Because, in reality... well, he could have done a much, much worse job.

And then the nice, quiet, somewhat inspirational background music that i love comes on, and the camera sort of pans out, and leaves all of america (or at least people like me watching tv because they hate to sleep) thinking about that. And about their own parents. And how....yeah....it could've been much, much worse. And that's when I'm glad to have the parents I do, the ones that embarrass me like you wouldn't believe. Because who else would've gotten me to where I am, you know? Yeah.

Love, Jennifer

Jack Handy

I think we could all use a little Jack Handy, don't you?

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.

Once while walking through the mall a guy came up to me and said "Hey, hows it going?". So I grabbed his arm and twisted it up behind his head and said "Now whose asking the questions?"

I think a pillow should be the peace symbol, not the dove. The pillow has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have a beak to peck you with.

Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe you'll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway; that's my point.

When I was in the 3rd grade, a bully in school started beating me up every day. At first I didn't say anything, but then I told dad. He got a real scared look on his face and asked if the bully had a big dad. I said I didn't know. But he still seemed scared. And just a few days later we moved to a new town. Dad told me that if anyone picked on me, not to fight back. Unless I knew the kid didn't have a dad or the dad was real small. Otherwise just curl up in a ball.

Too bad Lassie didn't know how to ice skate, because then if she was in Holland on vacation in winter and someone said "Lassie, go skate for help," she could do it.

If you're ever shipwrecked on a tropical island and you don't know how to speak the natives' language, just say "Poppy-oomy." I bet it means something.

One thing vampire children are taught is, never run with a wooden stake.

If you want to be the most popular person in your class, whenever the professor pauses in his lecture, just let out a big snort and say "How do you figger that!" real loud. Then lean back and sort of smirk.

I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm using blanks.

If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind people and pinching them is probably a joke that gets old real fast.

I think college administrators should encourage students to urinate on walls and bushes, because then when students from another college come sniffing around, they'll know this is someone else's territory.

Marta says the interesting thing about fly-fishing is that it's two lives connected by a thin strand. Come on, Marta. Grow up.

Love can sweep you off your feet and carry you along in a way you've never known before. But the ride always ends, and you end up feeling lonely and bitter. Wait. It's not love I'm describing. I'm thinking of a monorail.

When this girl at the art museum asked me whom I liked better, Monet or Manet, I said, "I like mayonnaise." She just stared at me, so I said it again, louder. Then she left. I guess she went to try to find some mayonnaise for me.

Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants.

Marta was watching the football game with me when she said, "You know, most of these sports are based on the idea of one group protecting its territory from invasion by another group." "Yeah," I said, trying not to laugh. Girls are funny.

I hate it when people say somebody has a "speech impediment", even if he does, because it could hurt his feelings. So instead, I call it a "speech improvement", and I go up to the guy and say, "Hey, Bob, I like your speech improvement." I think this makes him feel better.

I think my new thing will be to try to be a real happy guy. I'll just walk around being real happy until some jerk says something stupid to me.

Instead of mousetraps, what about baby traps? Not to harm the babies, but just to hold them down until they can be removed?

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, forget em', cause, man, they're gone.

When Gary told me he had found Jesus, I thought, Yahoo! We're rich! But it turned out to be something different.

Probably the saddest thing you'll ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy. Forget it, little friend.

Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.

To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?" you can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."

The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you.

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see.

As we were driving, we saw a sign that said "Watch for Rocks." Marta said it should read "Watch for Pretty Rocks." I told her she should write in her suggestion to the highway department, but she started saying it was a joke - just to get out of writing a simple letter! And I thought I was lazy!

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.

I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.

If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.

When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.

Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.

The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw.

Whether they find a life there or not, I think Jupiter should be called an enemy planet.

Instead of trying to build newer and bigger weapons of destruction, we should be thinking about getting more use out of the ones we already have.

I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver. and since he is so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him real quick and give it to him.

Just because swans mate for life, I don't think its that big a deal. First of all, if you're a swan, you're probably not going to find a swan that looks much better than the one you've got, so why not mate for life?

If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny.

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic.

If they ever come up with a swashbuckling school, I think one of the courses should be laughing, then jumping off something.

At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you going to take an X-ray, stupid?" and you'd say, "Aw forget you, get outta here," and then he probably wouldn't even pay his bill.

When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."

If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like "Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, "That's right, it's a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice." Then everybody would get real quiet and ashamed, because they had made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink.

I bet when the Neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick, heavy brows." Then they would all get embarrassed because they remembered they had the big hunky brows too, and they'd get mad and eat the snowman.

Too bad you can't buy a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin real fast and freak everybody out.

The people in the village were real poor, so none of the children had any toys. But this one little boy had gotten an old enema bag and filled it with rocks, and he would go around and whap the other children across the face with it. Man, I think my heart almost broke. Later the boy came up and offered to give me the toy. This was too much! I reached out my hand, but then he ran away. I chased him down and took the enema bag. He cried a little, but that's the way of these people.

I wish I had a Kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.

I don't think I'm alone when I say I'd like to see more and more planets fall under the ruthless domination of our solar system.

Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean ? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.

I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.

I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!"

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition.

I'd rather be rich than stupid.

If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadors came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don't think it would be a good idea to say, "I swallowed it. So sue me."

If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave man, I guess I'm a coward.

I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye.

When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.

What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to save a solid gold baby? Maybe we'll never know.

We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.

I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality.

As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable - until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!!

Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up.

You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who make people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet you could shoot beer out of you nose.

Even though I was their captive, the Indians allowed me quite a bit of freedom. I could walk freely, make my own meals, and even hurl large rocks at their heads. It was only later that I discovered that they were not Indians at all but only dirty-clothes hampers.

I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it.

It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But what they don't tell you is that every time you hear a mouse trap snap, and Angel gets set on fire.

If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I'll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate with just a little piece of meat. And if someone asks me why I didn't get more meat, I'll just say, "Oh, you mean this?" and pull out a big piece of meat from inside the blob of potatoes, where I've hidden it. Good magic trick, huh?

A funny thing to do is, if you're out hiking and your friend gets bitten by a poisonous snake, tell him you're going to go for help, then go about ten feet and pretend that *you* got bit by a snake. Then start an argument with him about who's going to go get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That's why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke.

Too bad when I was a kid there wasn't a guy in our class that everybody called the "Cricket Boy", because I would have liked to stand up in class and tell everybody, "You can make fun of the Cricket Boy if you want to, but to me he's just like everybody else." Then everybody would leave the Cricket Boy alone, and I'd invite him over to spend the night at my house, but after about five minutes of that loud chirping I'd have to kick him out. Maybe later we could get up a petition to get the Cricket Family run out of town. Bye, Cricket Boy.

I think a good product would be "Baby Duck Hat". It's a fake baby duck, which you strap on top of your head. Then you go swimming underwater until you find a mommy duck and her babies, and you join them. Then, all of a sudden, you stand up out of the water and roar like Godzilla. Man, those ducks really take off! Also, Baby Duck Hat is good for parties.

I wish I lived back in the old west days, because I'd save up my money for about twenty years so I could buy a solid-gold pick. Then I'd go out West and start digging for gold. When someone came up and asked what I was doing, I'd say, "Looking for gold, ya durn fool." He'd say, "Your pick is gold," and I'd say, "Well, that was easy." Good joke, huh.

If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.

If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off. You see, we build to that.

If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.

Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing.

He was a cowboy, mister, and he loved the land. He loved it so much he made a woman out of dirt and married her. But when he kissed her, she disintegrated. Later, at the funeral, when the preacher said, "Dust to dust," some people laughed, and the cowboy shot them. At his hanging, he told the others, "I'll be waiting for you in heaven--with a gun."

I scrambled to the top of the precipice where Nick was waiting. "That was fun," I said. "You bet it was," said Nick. "Let's climb higher." "No," I said. "I think we should be heading back now." "We have time," Nick insisted. I said we didn't, and Nick said we did. We argued back and forth like that for about 20 minutes, then finally decided to head back. I didn't say it was an interesting story.

If you're a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don't like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like you're eating it, but instead, put it all in your lap and form it into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you're out back having cigars with the boys, let out a big fake cough and throw the ball to the ground. Then say, "Boy, these are good cigars!"

I remember that one fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You don't have to tell me," I said. "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you never were really ON the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times." It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought something is brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on.

If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the impression we are trying to convey with our store. On the other hand, we would not prohibit tramps from browsing, or testing the trampolines, unless a tramp's gyrations seemed to be getting out of control.

I can still recall old Mister Barnslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to the old board of his. Then he'd spin it round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where it stopped he'd yell out, "Tadpoles! Tadpoles is a winner!" We all thought he was crazy. But then we had some growing up to do.

I wouldn't be surprised if someday some fishermen caught a big shark and cut it open, and there inside was a whole person. Then they cut the person open, and in him is a little baby shark. And in the baby shark there isn't a person, because it would be too small. But there's a little doll or something, like a Johnny Combat little toy guy---something like that.

Whenever anyone says "I can't," it makes me wish he'd get stung to death by about ten thousand bees. When he says "I'll try," five thousand bees. ("I can," one bee.)

much love, Jennifer

thinking

dear world,

so i've been thinking a lot lately, (WHAT, you are saying. thinking? this cannot be...), about our lives, and how intricately connected they are, and emotions, and things that you wouldn't believe about yourself, and .... well, just people in general. And you know what? I came to absolutely no valuable conclusion. I've just been thinking about myself, and why I get so attached to the things and people that I do, so quickly. My life continually surprises me. And you know what it is? I don't mean that in a bad way, at all....in fact, despite the letdowns and the personal drama that's been going on, all of that kind of stuff....I'm continually surprised at how good I have it. It's insane.

And yet, even if I overanalyze my life a thousand times and come up with a different conclusion each time, I'm still aware that...this is how it is. A bazillion people have been through this a bazillion times. And somehow, they've all made it. This weird, crazy, exhilarating, confusing, perfect thing we call life will go on, and yes, we will all make it. Yay.

Love, Jennifer

a bunch of random nothing.

Okay, I've gotta say, this week has been insanely boring. I hope it never repeats at all this summer..... everyone is gone! ....or a lot of everyone, anyway. Here's how it went:

• Hannah was mostly gone, first at an FBLA training thing, then a condo trip. bleah.
• Britta was at girls camp. bleah.
• Michael went to Lake Powell. Yay! and bleah.
• Brady was in Moab. bleah.

And...okay, so I guess everyone else is here. But people cannot leave, it messes up my life! lol. Mostly I've had to work all week, which kind of sucked, but I also kind of like having money, so I guess it evens out...

Last night, I officially became a warrior ninja. I slayed a mighty mountain dew bottle....(and, as you can see, embraced my inner immaturity). It was great. I might add here that tyler has way too much fun beating bushes and hitting glass all over. lol, what a good, random night.

well, hmm. this is a really lame blog, but I'm bored, and thought i should blog for some reason. bleah.

Love, Jennifer

....everyone, come back soon!

It won't be for nothing.

Today I was reading through my journal, which is what I do when bored and have it handy, and I read something I wrote awhile ago. Whenever I'm talking to someone, or get a text, and they say something especially important or intelligent or fitting or whatever, I usually write it down before it gets deleted. A few months ago Hannah told me, "It won't be for nothing." For some reason, when I read that today it kind of struck me.

I think about all the times I've known I needed to do something, or wanted to, but was for whatever reason, held back by something. A lot of the time it's just a lack of belief in myself. And the hardest thing is that knowing sometimes I won't necessarily get a "good" result from those things I have to do.....well, the result will be good, but maybe not always apparent. Sometimes instant gratification is good, especially when you've doubted yourself. But most of the time, the things really worth doing will not give immediate rewards. What if, in those moments of self doubt, I could just remember that phrase? "It won't be for nothing." When I take a chance because of the possibilities involved...if I knew that. When I feel like I've worked much too hard for far too little results...if I knew that. When it seems like I could do all the good things in the world, yet, as some people believe, "the good guys always come in last"...well, what if I remembered this? I sometimes wonder what I could achieve, what we all could, if we had no fears to hold us back. If we knew something like, "It won't be for nothing." I wonder.

Love, Jennifer

an epic tale

Running is not all it's cracked up to be. Today I got home from work, and, realizing that nothing socially exciting would be happening, decided to go for a little run. After all, I haven't been to the gym in about two weeks. Yes, I am serious. Anyway, I kind of felt like some contemplation time at the duck pond, and hey, it's not that far away, right? haha. right. I'm pretty sure it ended up being like six miles. Somehow, I accidentally took what will now be referred to as the Scenic Route Tour de Midway.





After a few blocks, I felt insanely tired, but proud of myself, so on I went. I must point out right now that for some reason I saw a lot of really bizarre stuff. anyway, I get to the base of the gargantuan hill which I was determined to conquer. about halfway up it are two police cars, pulling over some other car. for a moment i thought it was lurpey's car, and in my mind, i played out a bizarre situation involving him driving drunk. why? i have no idea. does that matter? no. anyway, it wasn't him, just some poor guy sitting handcuffed in the gravel while the police searched his car. he looked a lot like a chinese warlord. chinese warlords probably tend to have the same really annoyed look on their faces all the time like this guy had.





So, the hill. I seriously had to force myself to keep going up and up and up it. I was breathing insanely hard, and feeling like sitting down and dying, but no, I went on. and then for the next mile, I kid you not, I refused to run. I walked it. "But wait," you are saying, "I thought this was going to be a short trip??" Well, so did I. turns out I grossly underestimated the distance. I walked along the road for the next mile, trying to decide what to do. For some reason I just kept going. At one point, I passed a pack of six-year-olds on bikes, going the opposite direction. I kept on "running" (walking), but eventually I heard small boy voices behind me and looked to see them following, at a good distance. Hmm, odd. Oh well. I guess I was just in their turf.





After walking this mile, I realized I didn't even want to see the duck pond anymore, I just wanted to get home. I knew there was this smaller road that intersected the one I was on that led back down to where I wanted to go, so I decided to take that. A very, very long time later, I finally found that road. Again, a gross underestimate of distance on my part. While traipsing through the countryside, I saw about four deer, all of which glared at me for no apparent reason at all. I glared back, because running puts me in a bad mood. Along the side of the road I saw a bit, domeshaped rock sort of formation, yay, a hotpot! So I walked over to take a look down inside, and to my dismay, it was filled with trash. People suck, lol. There was this blanket dumped down inside, and my morbid mind immediately told me there was a body underneath, so I got all creeped out. Then I imagined myself falling inside. And it wasn't even that deep, but the way a hotpot is shaped, it's impossible to climb out because of the domey curving walls. I saw myself down there, waiting for days, and somehow the deer were outside, free and smirking because I had glared at them. So i moved on before I had a chance to fall in.





I get to a choice, a fork in the road, if you will. One way went on straight, and I was fairly sure it would lead me home, but there was also the possibility that it was the demon road I once drove on. and i am telling you, that road went on forever. and I was even in my car, yet it still felt looonnnng when I stumbled upon it. So my only other choice was "pine canyon road" which sounded vaguely familiar, and I was hoping it would intersect back somewhere good for me. So i set off down pine canyon road, still walking. what they don't tell you about pine canyon road (because no one ever mentions pine canyon road) is that there are ditches all along it, and fields, which makes for a nice mosquito habitat. so that was nice. also, it's a big spot for development, so as I walked along, increasingly annoyed at feeling lost and tired of walking, I scoped out the houses, mentally deciding which ones I would buy if I had cash in "the low 600,000s" to spend. And also, it struck me how ridiculous the names of the subdivisions are becoming. My favorite was Double Eagle drive. I have the feeling that one just strikes every american right in the heart.





Pine canyon road is a nice, suburban area, where everyone likes to go out and parade their dogs around. This guy had two of them, one of which had a ponytail. and I am completely serious. A little further down ( this road, I found out, goes on forever), two girls were walking what looked like, in terms of size and hairiness, a small gerbil. They eyed me suspiciously, like I were going to steal their animal thing or something. I wasn't, by the way. It was on Pine canyon Road that I noticed the large blister forming on my left heel. About at the peak of my frustration, the demon voice came out, and I was telling myself, out loud, that I was tired of walking, when I looked over to see some guy laying on his lawn. So I ran for the first time in sixteen miles to avoid more embarrassment.





Finally, finally, Pine Canyon Road ended, and I was back on the road before the base of the monster hill. And of course, the police and the chinese warlord were still there. Backup, of course, had been called, so there were now upwards of three vehicles with flashing lights up ahead. Good luck, pal.





The rest of my return was uneventful. I knew where I was, so my annoyance at the world lessened, adn I just became really hungry. As i jogged the last few blocks to my house, I realized the irony of the situation. I HATE running seriously. And usually I focus on every step and every painful breath until I'm about to go crazy. But in the course of getting lost and annoyed and my spurts of random running, I completely forgot how I hate running. I was in such a hurry to find my way home that I didn't even realize I was running anymore. At some point in there, i broke through the wall, and didn't even take the time to realize it. Now isn't that epic?


And on a lighter note, here is my obituary. i think it's probably pretty accurate.

Love, Jennifer