musings on the english world

So, AP English. It's kind of dramatic to me. Haha. But seriously.

It's been a weird process this year. I've totally realized that most of all the things we "learned" in previous English classes basically suck and aren't applicable anymore. And that those classes were ridiculously easy, even when they seemed hard. About 55% of the time now, I leave class realizing I'm not so good as I thought I was, and that sucks. It's pretty depressing, actually.

Like the essay I wrote on Cold Mountain, where I totally thought I covered my bases very well and explained my points logically and intelligently, and generally just did a really good job. But then I get it back and I got a 5 out of 9. Yeah, that's an F. But the strange thing is, I'm getting used to it, and as opposed to the past, where this kind of thing would just infuriate me and I'd stop being open minded about criticism, I can take it now. So instead of freaking out and giving up, I took it and rewrote it today, and at least it's better. I don't know if it's right, but it's better. And in the past? Yeah, no drafts at all. Went straight from idea in my head to finished paper. Now I rewrite my papers and elaborate my ideas until they're good.

This all sounds kind of superfluous and pointless, but it's really not. I've finally been broken down and torn off my throne of good writing. I'm not naturally a perfect writer, surprise! I have to work at it, which I now realize. The thing is, I can actually learn something now. And that's really exciting to me; maybe that makes me a nerd, but I don't really care! Finally I feel like I'm not leaving high school empty-handed. I have to actually think in this class, and we've had the best discussions of my three years at Wasatch. It's not just about English, it's about universal ideas and feelings and all sorts of good stuff. I started out thinking I would hate everything expected of me, but at this point I'm so, so glad I can't get away with average. It's really nice. Hard, challenging, but nice.

Love, Jennifer

I can't believe I wrote all this on English. Haha. Lame. Oh well.