passion

June 16, 2009

In case you don't know, I work on a golf course, mowing grass all day. After awhile it kind of gets to be like driving, where you don't have to think about what you're doing so much as just letting your muscles do the work. It gives me a lot of time to think about things, and this just happens to be one of the things I pondered on today.

Passion. It's the strangest thing. There is no greater motivator in our lives, no pursuit holds our interest more or leads us to more happiness. There is also nothing else with the capacity to cause us so much emotional pain. For reasons unknown to us, we pursue our passions like a tangible dream, surpassing all obstacles in chase of what holds our attention at that moment. Sometimes these things are people. A lot of the time. Other times they are objects or goals or any number of other things. We cannot consciously choose what captures our heart; in fact, we often fall in love with the wrong person, whether they be simply wrong for us, unattainable, or undesirable. Sometimes we fall for the wrong behaviors or addictions. And yet, even in the moment we know that it's harmful to us, we are yet aching for what we desire. Our passions become the force propelling us from one stage of life to the next, defining moments and psychological states. It's hard to explain exactly what compels us, but it is absolutely sure that passion always has and always will move the human race. It seems that our passions and our souls are inextricably connected. Without it, we would be empty boxes, nothing more than a body surviving from day to day. In this way passions animate us and lift us up from the ordinary. Our hearts will ache, they will grow, and more often than not, they will break over passions but we will pick up the pieces and wake up ready to do it all again. What other choice do we have? Surely no one will get through this life without the pain of lost passion but surely there is no other path to happiness.

Love, Jennifer


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things.

June 15, 2009

Things I currently love.

doughnuts from days. "closer" by kings of leon. sleeping in. sunburns. not being sick. sunroofs. my bed. ultimate frisbee. being with donald. discovering the new self. cooking. basil. white teeth. dane cook. tegan and sara....sara and tegan. the prospect of living on my own. new friends. old friends. rediscovered friends. dumb movies. hot pockets. laughing with my father. weddings in the future (not even my own). knowing i will be okay, no matter what. smiles at the golf course. gluttonous weekends. the food network. hgtv. bicycles. bare feet. barbequed food. green grass. the moon in the morning. goodnight texts. leaving things behind. roximo. the simpsons. summer dresses. meeting new, interesting people. torrential rain. living within the mountains. upcoming concerts. farmers' markets. vegetables. sleeeeeeeeeping. mac. you. me. them. giving. paychecks. doing a good job. the color green. comedy. dinner from my mother. taking care of people. the reward after the wait. and a lot more.

Love, Jennifer

currently.

June 2, 2009

How do I explain this?  Life is interesting, for sure.  It seems that once life begins changing, it is a downhill slope that only picks up speed as it goes.  I think of where I was one year ago, or 3 months ago and it's so incredible to me how different things become as life goes on.

Specifically, (or not so specifically, being clear is not a prominent feature of my writings/blogs) I am beginning to feel more and more as if I am the only one around me willing to enjoy the moment for what it is without rushing on to the next.  There is enough time to go around, folks.  Just slow down.  Don't force anything.  Maybe it will be better than you think?

Summer is usually a nice change of things though this one has been odd so far.  My days mostly consist of waking up way too early, working, doing a thing or two during the day, then going to sleep and starting all over.  And lots of waiting.  Waiting for weekends, for the chance to feel like I'm really living a life, for the time when I'll be able to go back, this time for good hopefully.  I've been really surprised and really happy how things have worked out so far, because I was really worried about becoming disconnected when I moved back to my parents' house.  Life works out nicely that way though.  All I want is to be able to hold onto this once things change again.

Overall, I'm happy and excited and somehow really proud of myself for nothing at all.

Love, Jennifer