(how to tell)

You just might be Jennifer if...

a) you are agonizing over mattress-buying

b) you're so very tired of working all the time

c) ....but you love feeling like you're supporting yourself

d) you value the re-used rather than buying more junk

e) all you want is an incredible vacation

f) you need to get some exercise before your mind goes crazy

g) you are in love with Dexter Morgan

h) 365s are getting kinda hard these days

i) you can't stop chewing ice

j) your enemy is a cat

k) you really need some moving boxes, or

l) you are moving in 3 days. three.

Love, Jennifer

thoughts on self-portraits

Although it may seem like a project of pure vanity, taking a self-portrait 365 days in a row is not always so easy. To be honest, I'm not exactly sure why I started in the first place. Maybe I just needed some sort of goal to work towards with the start of the new year. Maybe it just seemed like a good challenge, or a way to sharpen my photography skills. Or something. But I suspect it had more to do with the fact that sometimes I just feel incredibly insecure with myself and having my picture taken. Which is kind of a silly reason to take one every day, if you think about it...but nonetheless, here I am. I'm still not sure what I've taken from this little venture; in fact, I'm kind of puzzled a lot of the time.

The first surprise was that the best pictures I've taken have occurred on days where A)I really had no direction for what I wanted it to look like and B)I allowed myself a little time and creative license to explore.

The second (sort of ) surprise was that the simple things usually turn out to be the most beautiful. I've realized more and more that my "style," if you will, is looking at the small pieces of things...not only with this project, but photography in general. It's been kind of interesting to examine myself as bits to see how each photo stands alone. Sometimes our details get lost until you actually take the time to look at them one-by-one. Which might be a metaphor for something more meaningful, or maybe just a tip for an interesting artistic experience. haha. Like I said, sometimes if I overthink this, I just end up puzzled by the whole thing.

The third discovery is pretty simple. Almost anything looks beautiful with the right lighting and cropping. Simple.

I'm not quite sure if I'm going in the right direction with this, as one big thing I've discovered is that photography is both encapsulating the truth and embodying a really believable lie. For that I am so sorry; I insisted to myself and to everyone else that I really just wanted to capture myself honestly for entire year to monitor my changes. And for a month or two I actually did that. But let's be honest, the early pictures are far less exciting or beautiful than the latter and at this point I think that's because those were the truthful ones. Editing can be so misleading. It's way too easy to make something look beautiful while sacrificing reality. I don't know. It's not such a big thing, I suppose, but I feel a bit like an imposter sometimes. I'm still editing out those insecurities.

I guess I've realized that in photography, or art, or pretty much anything, we see what we'd like to. I can make a photo be anything I want it to, even if it's stretching or even completely departing from the truth. We will see things in the way that is most comfortable, which is kind of a universal thing, albeit unfortunate.

Anyway, just thought I'd share a few thoughts about this. Almost halfway through!

Love, Jennifer

Valerie's Letter

Because I haven't posted in weeks and because this is more eloquent than I could ever be...

"I am me. My name is Valerie. I don't think I'll live much longer and I wanted to tell someone about my life. This is the only autobiography I'll ever write and, God, I'm writing it on toilet paper. I was born in Nottingham in 1985. I don't remember much of those early years, but I do remember the rain. My grandmother owned a farm in Tottlebrook, and she used to tell me that God was in the rain.

I passed my eleventh class and went to girl's grammar. It was at school that I met my first girlfriend. Her name was Sarah. It was her wrists. They were beautiful. I thought we would love each other forever. I remember our teacher telling us that it was an adolescent phase that people outgrew. Sarah did. I didn't.

In 2002 I fell in love with a girl named Christina. That year I came out to my parents. I couldn't have done it without Chris holding my hand. My father wouldn't look at me--he told me to go and never come back. My mother said nothing. I'd only told them the truth; was that so selfish?

Our integrity sells for so little. It is all we really have. It is the very last inch of us, but within that inch, we are free.

I'd always known what I wanted to do with my life, and in 2015 I started my first film, the Salt Flats. It was the most important role of my life, not because of my career, but because that was how I met Ruth. The first time we kissed, I knew I never wanted to kiss any other lips but hers again.

We moved to a flat in London. She grew scarlet roses for me in our window box, and our place always smelled of roses. Those were the best years of my life. But America's war grew worse and worse and eventually came to London. After that there were no roses anymore--not for anyone.

I remember how the meaning of words began to change. How unfamiliar words like collateral and rendition became frightening. Where things like the Articles of Allegiance became powerful. I remember how different became dangerous. I still don't understand it, why they hate us so much. They took Ruth while she was out buying food. I've never cried so hard in my life. It wasn't long till they came for me.

It seems strange that my life should end in such a terrible place. For three years I had roses and apologized to no one. I shall die here. Every inch of me shall perish. Every inch but one. An inch--it is small and it is fragile, but it is the only thing in the world worth having. We must never lose it or give it away. We must never let them take it from us. I hope that whoever you are, you escape this place. I hope that the world turns and things get better. But I hope most of all that you understand what I mean when I tell you that even though I do not know you, and even though I may not meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you.

Valerie."

(V for Vendetta)

With all my heart,

I love you,

Jennifer