thoughts on self-portraits

Although it may seem like a project of pure vanity, taking a self-portrait 365 days in a row is not always so easy. To be honest, I'm not exactly sure why I started in the first place. Maybe I just needed some sort of goal to work towards with the start of the new year. Maybe it just seemed like a good challenge, or a way to sharpen my photography skills. Or something. But I suspect it had more to do with the fact that sometimes I just feel incredibly insecure with myself and having my picture taken. Which is kind of a silly reason to take one every day, if you think about it...but nonetheless, here I am. I'm still not sure what I've taken from this little venture; in fact, I'm kind of puzzled a lot of the time.

The first surprise was that the best pictures I've taken have occurred on days where A)I really had no direction for what I wanted it to look like and B)I allowed myself a little time and creative license to explore.

The second (sort of ) surprise was that the simple things usually turn out to be the most beautiful. I've realized more and more that my "style," if you will, is looking at the small pieces of things...not only with this project, but photography in general. It's been kind of interesting to examine myself as bits to see how each photo stands alone. Sometimes our details get lost until you actually take the time to look at them one-by-one. Which might be a metaphor for something more meaningful, or maybe just a tip for an interesting artistic experience. haha. Like I said, sometimes if I overthink this, I just end up puzzled by the whole thing.

The third discovery is pretty simple. Almost anything looks beautiful with the right lighting and cropping. Simple.

I'm not quite sure if I'm going in the right direction with this, as one big thing I've discovered is that photography is both encapsulating the truth and embodying a really believable lie. For that I am so sorry; I insisted to myself and to everyone else that I really just wanted to capture myself honestly for entire year to monitor my changes. And for a month or two I actually did that. But let's be honest, the early pictures are far less exciting or beautiful than the latter and at this point I think that's because those were the truthful ones. Editing can be so misleading. It's way too easy to make something look beautiful while sacrificing reality. I don't know. It's not such a big thing, I suppose, but I feel a bit like an imposter sometimes. I'm still editing out those insecurities.

I guess I've realized that in photography, or art, or pretty much anything, we see what we'd like to. I can make a photo be anything I want it to, even if it's stretching or even completely departing from the truth. We will see things in the way that is most comfortable, which is kind of a universal thing, albeit unfortunate.

Anyway, just thought I'd share a few thoughts about this. Almost halfway through!

Love, Jennifer