a moment of falling in love

well, here I am, home from camp. and it was insanely nice to shower and ....yes, blow-dry my hair when I got home. I guess nothing happened while I was gone, but somehow I think things happened, just the unsaid, small kinds of things that will eventually make a difference.

So for some reason I decided to leave my cellphone at home. And although I felt really weird and cut off from everything, I am so glad I did it. I became one of those crazy people who just disappear into the mountains for awhile to think. And think I did. After a few days, I kind of had a clearer picture of my life, and it seemed to me that I have been putting way too much energy into all of the wrong things lately. Sometimes those small things really just don't matter.

The very best was last night. Some girls in my ward and I had been out doing mischief at around 1:30, and we took the long way coming back along this road. We kind of came around this bend and looked up, and it was amazing. Like, breathtaking-amazing. The trees were insanely tall, and stark white against the black sky. And the stars up there are brilliant, the only way to describe them. I've never seen so many all at once, it was beautiful. And to top it all off, the mountain way ahead of us had this tiny halo of pink light around the edges somehow, like it was glowing. I couldn't believe it. We were all off in another world, and didn't speak for the longest time while we walked. And it was just one of those moments where you can't believe you're so lucky to be alive and you can't believe how okay things are right at that moment. I was in love with life, I'm pretty sure. So I still feel sort of like that, I guess. That's the best way I can explain it. So if I seem weird or distant, that's probably why, my mind's still off on a mountain somewhere.

Love, and I missed all of you a lot, Jennifer

Love from Ben G. and Jeb

So these three things sum up my next two weeks. (hopefully). I'll be leaving for my brother's wedding in minnesota tomorrow morning for most of the weekend, then on Monday I will be going to Girls' Camp for the week. And then, I sure hope, Friday night Besto and I and anyone else who wants to come should be going to the Straylight Run concert.

Something amazing happened to me on sunday. I was sitting around, doing a lot of nothing, and I get one of those fantastic calls from Britta, about a hypothetical visit from some hypothetical friends. And then, me being caught completely off guard, Britta and Berto came to visit me. And they had gifts, for absolutely no reason at all. I opened my cards, and read them, which made me smile a lot, because 1)i got a drawing and amazing card from berto, and 2)britta's card was freaking funny. And then they give me some sidewalk chalk, little mermaid stickers, and a 4-inch foliage which they named Ben, for DCfC's Ben Gibbard. And the thought came to my mind at that moment that I probably know some of the very best people on earth. Seriously.

Monday was Morgan's barbeque, which was a lot of fun. And I learned a lot about myself also. It was, for sure, one of those growing up moments that you look back on and realize you've changed a little bit because of it. And you know, that's not always a bad thing. It's kind of nice to realize that you're stronger than you think you are, and that with the bad always comes enough good to balance it out, if only you're willing to look for it. And I'm finding out that 95% of the time, that good comes in the form of people doing things they don't even realize they do. Like bringing me four-inch foliages for no reason at all. Or organizing a party in front of snoshack. Or buying me cookies for making them happy. Or a hundred hundred other things I can't even put into words.

So I'll see you all in a little bit. Keep up the amazing.

Love, Jennifer

a good day

When my hair is all crispy and curly from spending all day at the lake, when I actually forget to eat because that's the last thing on my mind, when plans are never expected to be set in stone anymore, when slapping on tubes is the most fun in the world, when I get an adrenaline rush simply by listening to the perfect song, when we can sit and write songs on the beach, when you say something that completely makes my day, when we laugh for the longest time at nothing at all, and when I'm in the perfect spot--sitting with the sun on my shoulders and the wind to my face--then I know it's been a good day. :) It's been a good day.

Love, Jennifer.

a poem for a tuesday

I think we must be meant to fly


I think we must be meant to fly
Into the brightest azure sky,
For when the days are tight and dark,
It's then I feel my soul embark.

And when I've felt the greatest things,
It was because I'd used my wings.
And some days I just simply know
I've left my body down below.

And the greatest, freest part of me
Is farther than the eye can see
Deep inside the flawless sky,
I think we must be meant to fly.

And yet, it is to my disdain
To realize these legs are chains
That keep me to this concrete, tied.
Some days I cannot seem to fly.

I am grounded, reaching out
Towards the colors and the clouds
And wishing for so many things,
But most of all, for mended wings.

Until I'm finally broken free,
It's then I'll hear the symphonies.
And in the stillness of the skies,
I think we must be meant to fly.

I'm just a speck, so far away,
And soon it will be here I stay,
For I've become a piece of sky;
I think we must be meant to fly.


By,
And with love,
Jennifer

btw...

I just looked at all of Randi's pictures from California, and I must say that I am infinitely excited to go to chicago this summer. Ahhhhh happy sigh. That's all.

those people

Have you ever met someone you feel completely connected with and you have no idea why? I did today...well, not met, but just realized she was one of those people to me. It's such a weird feeling....I think it must be because we see something in them that reminds us of ourselves, only in a perfected form. There's something about them that just draws you to them, and you want it. You want to make it yours. And maybe the people you feel randomly connected to change because you yourself are changing. One day you may wake up to find that you see something amazing in someone new. And so you find a new golden person, until you change and they must change also. Hmm.

It was all rainy today, which is kind of upsetting after such great weather last week...but still, i'm feeling pretty dang good because we only have four more days.... ahhhh

Love, Jennifer

.

Well blog, it's just you and me.

so today was one of the crappiest days in memory, wouldn't you say? Yeah, me too. I think I'll go spend some quality time with some quality music, and then I'll sleep. And when I sleep, my mind will be free of it all and then I will wake up. And when I wake up, I won't remember a thing.

hello, goodbye, and love

"Hello is a salutation or greeting in the English language and is synonymous with other greetings such as Hi or Hey."

So Hello!

I kind of got up like half an hour early today, so I have some extra time. I am sooo happy! My trig final was yesterday, and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. And now it's over, and basically that was my last thing to do before school ends. Happy much? I sure am.

Ohh, so something weird. Yesterday I got home and felt really tired, so I slept for like two hours. Anyway, I had this dream that Berto got sick in California, and it was pretty sad, so when I woke up I texted Michael and told him. And he said that Berto was sick! And I kind of freaked out! ....because, hey, I knew about my saying things/them coming true, but now it's dreams too?? Weird. If I ever dream about any of you dying, I'm going to freak out. Lol.

So today everyone is planning on going to the lake after school, then to Shrek 3. And it kind of really sucks because I have to work, so I can't go to the lake. Bleah. But hopefully I'll be able to go to the movie. Cause that would be nice.

well, now my poptart is finished and I am also out of things to say. So,

"Goodbye (or the shortened form, goodby, sometimes used in American English) is a traditional farewell phrase used in the English language."

Love is any of a number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection or profound oneness, Jennifer.

what we have in common...

"The earth is what we all have in common." -Wendell Barry

I found this quote today, and I like it a lot. So, there's Wednesday's quote of happiness.

It's been a crazy week. Last weekend was nice; it started to definitely feel like summer...which is basically what my whole week has been, just me looking forward to the coming months. So yeah. That's just consuming my every thought right now. Not much else to say.

If only I can get through the next two days, I'll be done. Yes, finished. It's been a long year, huh? And nuts. And I think we all probably regret something and believe in something and remember something amazing and want to forget some other stuff. But that's just how it goes, doesn't it?

Love, Jennifer

PS-Besto, Randi, and Michael are in California. Oh, jealousy.

sunday

Well. I am really excited because we have ten (yes...T-E-N) days of school left. And kind of bummed because people have been being weird and emo lately about things so we all never hang out together, which i miss a lot. Everyone's all split up, and it's no bueno. You hear me? No. Bueno.

Today was nice. I went to church, then came home and went outside on the trampoline in my swim suit for like two hours, and just enjoyed the great outdoors. Working on that tan. Lol, we'll see who calls me pasty.... (insert evil laugh)....

well, must go

Love

today

Today I loved:
*talking in the park
*chaos and experiencing shoudda
*feeling like I will make a difference in the world
*reading my own history

Today felt:
*like a light, mossy green :D
*laid-back
*okay

Today sounded like:
*mates of state
*the holiday
*"half acre" by hem
*some new nelly furtado, lol

Today I felt:
*relieved
*complete
*happy

Today I wanted:
*to better the world
*to remember everything
*summer. as always.


There's something about being completely honest about everything that makes even the crappy things feel better. And trusting someone with all of it just makes you feel better about humanity in general.....which is always nice.

Fourteen days of school left. :) Nine real days. And that is happiness.

Love, Jennifer

el cheapo.

So yesterday was El Cheapo, which was really fun. I went with Jake.

His brother was getting baptized that morning, so I went, along with Hannah, Jessica, and Enano. After everything, we went to his house for his family's party thing. There was so much good food! And...yes, that's right...a chocolate fountain!

I went home, and sort of got ready, then went to Enano's, where we were all meeting to go to the D.I. to get outfits for the date. we had so much fun picking out clothes for each other! All I will say is that Jake definitely wore a kilt and I had a genie costume. Lol. After we got our outfits we went to Enano's house again, where we changed, then went to Wendy's for dinner. Yum, and cheap. Then we met Erin's mom at JR Smith, where she took our pictures, and we huddled in the 'hole' to escape the freezing wind.

After that, we all went to Morgan's house, where we watched the Wedding Singer, and I started to feel funny. We got to the dance, and I realized I was getting sick, so I went to the bathroom because I felt like throwing up. (sorry, this is so gross...) Anyway, I felt like that for most of the time, but nothing ever really happened. And I really hope Jake didn't think I was avoiding him! Anyway, the dance was a lot of fun.

When it ended, Jake, Derek, Morgan and I went to Derek's house so he could make Jake an omelet. It was kind of funny. Jake had to take Morgan home, so I sat with Derek in the kitchen for a little bit, talking. He's a cool kid. After Jake ate his omelet,he took me to Enano's, where my car was, and I went inside to get my stuff (enano was really confused), then drove home. On the way, I was listening to The Holiday, and it totally matched my mood. Just because of everything that happened. Anyway, that was El Cheapo.

When I got home I finally threw up, which was actually exciting to me, because you always feel much better after! But it still sucked. Anyway, I spent all of last night waking up about every forty minutes because I kept having all these hallucination dreams, which happens every time I get sick. I hate that. Yuck. And now here I am, blogging. The End.

Love, Jennifer

You know what's nice? When people act mature and considerate. Oh.

"much simpler, but much less magical."

It's been a weird day. Things aren't going very well. I've totally held onto this idea for a REALLY long time now, but....you know, nothing. And lately it's like the universe is trying to tell me something.

Morgan and I were at the Hotpots earlier tonight, just kind of talking about life, and I realized that eventually (eventually...) we'll have to let go of all this high school stuff. And even if things did go how I'd maybe like them to right now, it wouldn't matter so much because high school's about to end and I have to move on in my life. and I feel like crap saying that, honestly. But it's true. But that's what it's all about, I guess. Stages.

Trey Parker said, "Love isn't a decision. It's a feeling. If we could decide who we loved, it would be much simpler, but much less magical." I keep having this thought though, that I don't know the right guy yet. He's not in my life at this moment. Which kind of sucks, but he's there somewhere. Like, I just keep feeling like I shouldn't have to try this hard. When it happens, the real thing, it will just happen and it won't take so much WORK. That's what I'm feeling like tonight. And it's kind of depressing, because I still like him. A lot.

That's about all.

Love, Jennifer

here's to us.

So here's to another "Remember When" list. You know what? I will never, ever get tired of these. Because as much as I sometimes think I've exhausted my memories, there are always always more that I remember, and always more that we're constantly making. So here's to us, and a hundred more lists. :D

Remember when:

• We were the original jar smashers (completely by accident?)
• You thought you might have to move, and i was silently having a heart attack and you didn't even know it?
• We discovered churros at days?
• The guy at the game got "offended and hurt" because erin said "freaking psycho!"
• I dumped a tiny bit of water on you on her bed and the story got blown wayyy out of proportion? haha
• we drove all the way to sevenpeaks and they weren't even open so we just went to guru's?
• we drove around on V-Day and found a spot?
• It was prom and he looked soo good, and i was excited all over again telling people about it?
• It was prom and we got to promenade next to each other, and switch partners and everything?
• It was prom and we were promenading and I looked up and saw everyone, smiling, and it was possibly then that I realized what love is?
• we found the thing, which was probably really dirty, but we loved it. and we'd always go to snoshack right before?
• He proposed to me?
• He proposed to me (the other one)?
• We took them on the SD, and had an amazing time?
• We played nightgames at his house?
• The cat kept licking his hair?
• We played at the super army playground and got some amazing pictures?
• we all hid in his bed, then moved to the garage, and all popped out at odd times? you had a pizza for him, already with a bite out of it.
• We skipped seminary/fbla and went to the park? we found the best way to lie on the grass. i forgot to protect the keys, and you, of course, stole the car.
• We watched A Goofy Movie, and I became Keeper of the Cellphones?
• We went to Tony's Tacos and had dinner and a show? I got left behind in the other room. hahaha
• You and he came over and we played Nintendo 64 (oh yeahhh), and I owned both of your souls? Then we went outside and jumped on my trampoline. That was one of my happiest days ever.
• We watched the Holiday and then just lay there on the lovesac looking at "the stars" and listening to imogen heap and rogue wave?
• I got to wake up with a smile on my face because of the perfect dream?
• We rode our bikes all over town?
• We drove by that park while answering for preference, and you wanted to stop? i hope we can find it again sometime!
• We stayed a little later and you showed us all of those pictures of lake powell and stuff? And i could not stop laughing at the one with your dad?
• We had the monster pillow fight? Also a happy moment.
• I used to know you? And we talked about Africa and me going bald? And living on opposite mountains and sending light signals to each other? The sun was setting...that is how I see summer, always.
• We found out that we had been so naive? And it hurt us for unknown reasons? We grew up a bit then.
• We tried to ride on one bike? And we finally mastered it after trying all day. We totally told your dad about it and he was as excited as we were.
• You came over and we just layed on the bed for like an hour and a half? I was so upset for missing a huge chance that day, and then he texted. then nothing. then he called, and you wouldn't let me say that you were there. you totally made that happen for me and I will be forever grateful.
• I skipped sunday school and came to the duck pond with you?
• We found the water tower, and it was perhaps the best moment/best view. I said something that you didn't understand because i wasn't ready to say it to your face...and i'm still not.
• we made a human chain at the kamas pool, and got yelled at, which we knew was coming?
• we went around doing a project for her birthday?
• we just drove around? we got to memorial hill and it was a new kind of talk. not like usual...i felt like we were growing up, and it scared me to death.
• we tried out for choir? we were soo nervous, and i switched my song like three times.
• you came to the open house, and brought a gift for me? you got introduced to the entire family and your living in charleston and being my buddy came into play.
• we sat down and didn't get up until the song was basically all the way finished? it was like three hours. the piano part still makes my heart stop, that's how much i love it.
• we danced, and i was infinitely happy (this one means like four different things)?
• we went to the bleachers after the blacklight stomp? you guys scaled up and we sat shivering for awhile, only because we didn't want to leave each other. we got flashed.
• you realized that you were over them, finally, FINALLY? what a feeling. and it came at the oddest moment.
• I realized that he meant the world to me without me even knowing it?
• I told you everything? And I mean everything.
• We sat by the statue at the park and didn't get any planning done? Who cares.
• We all laid in the dark of our room in St. George and played Secretly, I...? Yeah, that was like therapy. Everything about them came out in the open.
• We talked to you through the yogurt? I love going to days if only because i get to see you.
• I came over, it was winter? you climbed back in through a window.
• I left a prize for you on top of the hill?
• You accidentally stole my keys? And later, I gave you sixlets.
• We played in the field at the HS? They climbed onto the roof, and he ripped his pants!
• The girl walked by and we were talking loudly about not kissing? hahaha. then i let her think you were alone and crazy.
• You hugged me goodbye and the last thing you said was how tall he was? That's how it had to go, these life moments have to come all at once. I hate it that you're gone.
• You asked me to go with you? I said no, and I totally regret that now. Even if they would have been crazy.

Well, that's all I have time for. I love all of you :)

Love, Jennifer

recap

So thinking about it, my blog has been in hibernation or something. Like, it sucks. Lol. My posts have all been short, or nonexistant, or pointless, or all three. Somehow. Ha. Anyway, just some thoughts. It's kind of felt like the "good old days" when it was just me and my blog, and maybe hannah, and I felt like I was just talking (typing?) out loud to the world, since basically no one except occasionally hannah read it. something like that.

so here's my spring break recap:

first friday, I went on a double date with brady, and hannah and mike pelo. It was pretty freaking amazing. we played Picture Tag in walmart, and ate at Rumbi, which is like Cafe Rio Hawaiian style. Sooo good. And just a really fun date.

first Saturday, I went around doing a little birthday project for maria with besto and britta. Later we picked up hannah and played in the supermilitarypark at jr smith. funnnnny pictures. we ended up at jake's later, with enano and lurpie and kelsey, and we girls played music and started "The Song", while all the guys played Wii in the other room. A little later Hannah and I went to Mike Pelo's to play nightgames, which was actually really fun because i hadn't played them in FOREVER!

Sunday was Easter and basically I sat around eating a large amount of candy.

Monday I went Prom stuff shopping with Hannah, and we ate some really amazing pizza, then later that night we played music and hung out, just the two of us. It was really nice. Then we sat on Lovesacs and watched the Holiday, feeling our hearts break and explode with indescribably happiness all at once. It's just what the movie does to you. After, we listened to her iPod in the dark and looked at the "stars" on the ceiling. I love those glowy things. :D

Tuesday, Hannah, Brady, and I all went with Mike Pelo to his house to play nightgames (again lol), and so the losing team (them ha!) from Friday's date could buy gelato. yum. After awhile, Hannah (our ride) had to go home, so she dropped brady adn I off at my house where we just played around for awhile. It was nice. Although he did try to read a bunch of stuff he shouldn't have. lol.

Wednesday, I watched Ocean's Twelve at Spiva's with Britta, Besto, Michael, Krystal, Tyler, and Shalena (i think). Except I had to leave early, and that was kind of lame but whatever.

Thursday, I got proposed to. Lol. Later, Hannah and I played music again for a little while, then went to Brady's. They had been to Wyoming to get fireworks, so we had a nice bonfire and had some fun with the fireworks. Lol, Britta, Michael, Brady, and I got crazy after a little while alone, but it was great. "Boof!" "Cow!" Tyler and Lurpie got back with marshmallows, and spent the rest of hte night competing to make the most perfectly roasted marshmallow. It was nice, because I got to eat a lot of them........not really sure who won. Brady smashed one on my hand, then eventually my face. Lol...that's all I have to say about that. Because what do you say about having a marshmallow smashed on your face?? Everyone left at like eleven, so he and I sat out by the fire for awhile looking at the stars and talking. It was nice, which I now realize is my general description of most everything that happened over break....it was nice. But yeah.

Friday, I got some fantastic new music from Hannah, then we drove around for awhile, finding a nice view,and doing some general Hannalyzing. Finally we decided to go get a drink from Days, where we found Brady hard at work lol. Then we drove up to Jake's house and found him, Lurpie, Enano and Britta playing James Bond. Again, more working on music until we all had to leave because we had the ACT the next morning.

Saturday, ACT at "way too early" and by the Science section I wanted to kill myself. Hopefully I did okay though. My mom and I finished some prom shopping after, then ate at Carl's Jr., which is by far the best fast food place EVER! When I got back, Britta and I went to Hannah's house, where we worked on the song for three hours and basically finished it. It's a wonderful feeling! And it's an amazing song! I am so incredibly proud of it. You'll all love it. we all went home for a bit, then later I picked up Britta and we went to the park, where everyone was supposed to be, lol. Except they were nowhere to be found. Only their cars. It was very puzzling. Finally, we found them at Dairy Keen (Michael, Krystal, Besto, and Randi), and we all played in the little gazebo thing for awhile and talked. Besto took us to his potential new house, which I love! It's very cute and has a loft, which would be the perfect hangout spot, I must say. After that we went to Krystal's house and watched A Goofy Movie. I love it! The music is way too amazing for words. Britta and I were cuddle buddies on the couch, and I became cellphone keeper because cellphones can become awfully cruel and obsessing after awhile. Amen. And also, I decided Britta is one of my very favorite people ever!

So....phew. There's my spring break. Lol....I feel like I've just been through a therapy session or something. I feel happy going back through everythng though. :D

Love, Jennifer

"If we listen to each other's hearts
We'll find we're never far apart
And maybe love is the reason why
For the first time ever, we're seeing it
Eye to eye..."

day one of spring break

Ahhhhhhhhhh. You know what today is? Spring Break. You know how I feel about that? Ahhhhh. Here I am, eating easter candy adn doing nothing when I would usually be in something ridiculous like Trig.

And I'm excited for today. If Britta Marie (my one true love) gets home from being a Wave Slave, we're going to have a supermusicsession, and finish writing the song we so magically discovered on Saturday night. Britta's all over acoustic guitar, and oddly enough, i'm on the keyboard. So it's new, and i'm not used to it, but that's why it will be amazing!

Also, I get to go Prom dress choosing with Hannah! I'm very excited for this! Because I love dress shopping if I'm not the one under pressure to choose one, lol. Other than that, I don't have too many plans. So if anyone wants to hang out tonight, I'm all open. :D

Love, Jennifer

Diary of a Solar Addict

So I'm in a pretty good mood.

Thinking back on today, a lot of my time was spent lying in the sun! I guess it's true what they say about sunlight being related to happiness, and darkness to depression and all.

So here's how it went: This morning Morgan and I sat outside the school during second period with our faces to the sun. It was just a little bit chilly but still felt great. Mike Pelo was loitering around waiting for a ride or something, so he talked to us for a minute and blocked the sun from scarring our eyes, which I thought was very gentlemanly of him. Lol.

At lunch we all sat in the courtyard, and again I was lying there in the sun, except it felt perfect at that point...very summery. After enjoying those few moments and having knives (yes, knives) thrown at me, I went to English, where Alexia told me my arms looked reddish. Oddly, that made me very happy to know the sun was leaving a mark.

After school I was driving with Hannah after she FINALLY finished her English tests, and we decided to go to the park. The trip was originally intended to "plan" the weekend, but we ended up mostly venting and talking and wondering, like always. We sat on the grassy hill by the statue and rolled up our pants and sleeves and soaked in more of the good stuff. It was fantastic. And we actually did get the date planned, which I am now very excited about.

When I got home, I took my pillow, cellphone, and mp3 player outside to the trampoline where I lay in shorts and a tanktop for awhile. I had planned on taking a nap out there, but Dan finally texted me back from this morning, so we talked for awhile about date ideas and life and whatnot. I'm always really glad to hear from him. Also talked to Hannah about genius music and Morgan about people's inconsiderate...ness. Lol. And so I enjoyed the sun, and people I like, and lots of good music. AND, thank goodness for shuffle, I found a new song I like that I never even knew I had! Yay.

Feeling sad? Feeling hopeless? Feeling depressed, bored, stressed? Go sit in the sun! I must say it works. :D

Love, Jennifer

ATTENTION!

Big news!

Or, as Berto would say, ATTENTION!

Today was an epic day in my opinion, because I am now the proud new owner of perfectly straight teeth. That's right, no more braces! Huzzah!

Quick recap of important "group" news:

• enano is writing a song composed of all the notes i've written him during trig. it should be fantastic.
• our two special relationships (lol) are still going well
• prom is in two weeks, and we juniors are freakin excited. well, i am anyway.
• tomorrow is cute tuesday, and i have a really cute outfit. lol.
• tyler's april fool's joke was (thank goodness) a joke.

Happy Monday to you too,
Jennifer

reasons my weekend rocked.

well hello blogworld!

this has been a very exciting weekend, I must say. But, I'm not really into writing real sentences right now, so it will be presented to you in list form, for maximum enjoyment.

• Hannah won Central Region VP at fbla state! fuh-blah!!
• I took second in one of my events, so qualified to go to Nationals in Chicago this summer!
• I saw the most perfect delivery of a speech in my entire life. she nailed it. congrats maria.
• I saw this crazy hobo in McDonalds, which for some reason was very fulfilling to me!
• I have a new favorite movie, The Holiday. I envision my life working out something like that, lol.
• I had probably one of the best conversations of my life
• I got away with it!
• I got to almost ride a longboard by myself. haha. randi helped.
• I got to spend time with my favorite people in the world. ALL of them. And things are looking up.
• If I, for any reason at all, ever taught a math class, I would call it "Math for English people." And by that, I mean people who understand normal things like English and words as opposed to numbers and symbols. Math would be taught so it could be understood, like written out in step-by-step ....steps. and we English people would get it. Because it was in words, which mean something to those of us who speak in words. not just a bunch of obscure symbols and numbers.
• I just feel gooooooooooood.

Love, Jennifer

this is it...

So I'm feeling slightly a lot sad. I found out tonight that my brother is leaving on Thursday. Like, this is it. This is THE move. He won't really live here anymore. He'll be in another state, and sure, he'll be back in a few months, but he won't live here anymore. You know? You know? And then it's just me. And despite how annoying he is, and the dumb stuff he does, and how he take all the hot water when he showers, he'll be gone. And I feel like I'm going crazy inside. It's hard to explain...

I wish I could have some kind of rational thought, but I just can't get my head around this. I just keep thinking, this is it. This is it.

Love, Jennifer