I lied, I don't want to be specific! haha, just kidding. I'll probably delete this before anyone reads it, though. SO, last night I hung out with lake, enano, hannah, and neil at enano's house. we tried to get besto to come, but no luck.
I thought it would be fine, seeing as how I hadn't been around any of them, as a whole group, in like a month at least. It turned out to be so so weird though. Probably because they're all like fighting right now, except really passive-aggressively. They are all mad at each other, but pretend like they're not. Not in a girl way, though, in the boy way where they actually want to be around each other and also kill each other. But whatever. And also, because I spent like the entire day finding out how Neil was an entirely new person. Seriously, I have no idea anymore. And it sucks. I HATE IT. Because I feel like i ruined something when we broke up. I'm not sure what it is, or what I'm saying, but that's just how I feel. So yeah. And also, I think he likes Randi. Which, okay, would be fine, is what I should say. Because he's not mine, we broke up and all, so fine. But aren't there some type of rules for these things? Like, don't date in a big group then break up and switch around people? Isn't that a rule or something? And shouldn't I care a LOT less about these things by now?
So I saw them at schedule change, and later my mom asked, basically, if things were okay between me and him, because she observed (and I also thought this) that he seemed to say things (things that had changed about him, sort of) that he like purposely wanted me to hear. Which is kind of upsetting. It's like he does stuff to spite me now. And I hate that! All I wanted was to be friends and be okay with everything. I hate change so much. Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing breaking up and all, because if it's right things shouldn't be so freaking messed up, should they? Also, I miss stuff. But like I'd ever not do it. Why is it that I always have to do what's right instead of what I actually want? Why is that? It sucks, cause I'm never happy this way. Maybe I messed something up in the process. Like, it would've been okay or something, except I messed up somewhere and it changed everything around. Crap. Also, too bad this doesn't make any sense.
Maybe this is just one of those days (two days) where I hate everything. You know what's good? ...........never mind.
-Jennifer
2 comments:
haha i got to read it before you could delete it! anyways, sorry i wasn't home that day, although it doesn't sound like you guys had a very enjoyable time. one thing you have to know about guys is that, you can't just break up with them and expect to be friends instantly, it takes pretty long for us to...heal...i guess would be a good word. i mean look at april and i, it's almost been a year since we broke up but we weren't good friends until about 4 months ago or so. as for the rules that you question about: no one is really switching around people, are they? and besides you can't break up with him and expect him to stay single. and yes you should care way less about these kind of things. and i know doing the right thing isn't always what you want, but it doensn't always have to be that way. and yeah a lot of that didn't make sense and as a result, this comment doesn't make any sense either.
Love,
Berto
dearest jennifer- my main thought while reading this is that maybe sometimes doing what makes you happy can be the right thing? i mean, in a lot of cases its not, because people can be "happy" doing harmful things that obviously aren't right, but in some cases, the right thing can be what makes you happy. and you deserve to be happy jennifer. and it really sucks to make a decision and then be worried about it and kind of regret it, but it seems to me that if someone is going to change that fast afterward, then the person that they changed into already had to be in them somewhere. i dunno, but i have those days sometimes too, deep thinking days where i try to figure everything out and get frustrated. we'll talk sometime
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