Weird Things I Love

(all true)

• The smell of playdough. And playing with it.
• Dying in dreams. (I'm not crazy and suicidal, they are just the most interesting)
• The smell of chlorine on skin.
• Cilantro. In pretty much everything.
• Squishing the avocado out of its skin.
• White towels that smell nice and bleachy when they're hot and wet.
  
• Driving through fog.
• The smell of the darkroom.
• Waking up early on your own, then getting to sleep for another hour before you actually have to get up. Love that.
• Collecting plants.
• (This is a really good one.) There's a certain stoplight, where if you're at it at just the right time of day, and the sky is really clear and turquoise-blue, the red of the light against the blue of the sky is insanely beautiful. Insanely.
• The smell of the air coming out of the laundry vent thing outside. (shared with M)
• Leaving wet footprints on the sidewalk.

That's all for now. (I'm sure there are like five thousand more)

Love, Jennifer

A lesson in friendship.

Currently listening to: Yesterday's Feelings by The Used
Currently feeling: much better than I have, and kind of accomplished.
Currently craving: summer, or just a bunch of sunny days.


Hello everyone,


I was thinking yesterday about what it means to be a true friend. And whether or not I fall into that category; whether I'm a good friend. The very best ones, the ones that you can always count on, care about you more than they care about themself. They are completely unselfish and happy for you when good things come to you. They are not jealous, ever. Period. If I had to admit one weakness of mine, it might be jealousy, as much as I hate to admit that.

So there I was at work, where I start to feel just a little bit crazy and un-myself after eight hours anyway, and i get a text from M, who is one of the few people I trust everything with, who loves me no matter what, and who I completely don't deserve sometimes. And she tells me that she just got a scholarship that covers all of her tuition, books, living, and fees. All of it. And we're going to the same college. And rooming together.

It was a feeling kind of like being punched in the sternum, breathless. Almost disbelief. Then in that moment where I realize that's she's serious, that this is all completely true, there it is. The jealousy. The indescribable, maddening jealousy. And at exactly the same time I feel horrible, terrible because my first thought was not to be happy for her, it was to wish it were me. And i know exactly how I should have reacted, but I didn't. What does that say?

I composed myself, and thought about all of this, about what kind of person I wanted to be. And as badly as I need a scholarship like that, and for as long as I've been hoping for it, I know all I can do is be happy for her. There is still the possibility that I might get something like that, but in that moment i decided that whether I do, or whether I don't, it must make no difference whatsoever. She is one of my best friends in the entire world, and I love her more than anything. I have to act like it.

I'm still waiting for my own verdict, but as of now, I feel a kind of peace about the whole thing. A scholarship would mean more than you can possibly imagine, but even if I get nothing at all, I've learned a lesson more valuable than any monetary amount. I learned about selflessness, about what I'm made of, and just what friendship truly is, in both the hard times and the easy.

Love, Jennifer

ps-- M, if or when you read this, I do love you with every bit of my heart, completely, truly, absolutely. Tu es ma une et seule. Thanks for all of it.

Poetry Wednesday

To everyone who's ever been left by anyone.


My Hope Is But A Lightswitch

I do not mind the cold
I do not mind the cold
I'm glad it makes us closer,
If perfect truth be told.

A massive melted snow-lake
Rejects the bottle-boat.
My laughter is a lightswitch
And yours a lonely moat.

If I had held your interest,
I would have told you then,
"I'm happy to be with you."
We just watched lightrays bend.

As you handed off the jacket,
And slipped into her car
I was then retracting
Into a fissured calm.

My hope is but a lightswitch
Expectations just a sleeve.
In the moment you were leaving
I knew you'd always leave.


Copyright
Jennifer North

Vague Fruit Flavors

What is this, you ask? Well, my friend, these are the lovely Tic Tac Bold. And the flavor? Fruit. That's right, the subject of this blog is vague fruit flavors and how utterly crazy they seem to me. Although it does seem to make some sense. When I eat these tic tacs, I think, what do these taste like? And the only answer is "fruit." My only problem is, why not give things real flavors? Real flavor tastes, and real names. If you simply look around, vague fruit flavors are all around us.

Nothing beats "fruit" in vagueness, but some more of my favorites are "berry" and the slightly less vague, but vague nonetheless, "wild berry." Oh, wild berries? Which ones?

Maybe I just have a need for solid names in my life for the things I eat. I don't know. Whatever my issues are, I still get a really good amount of amusement out of vague fruit flavors.

Love, Jennifer

Do I sound really bitter about this? I'm not. Just out of blog ideas. ha.

summer memories

I have these strange parts of winter that I've fallen in love with, and it does have its charm. But this winter is an intense one--and will be long. Hannah and I think, anyway. So, as a little bit of relief from its cold grasp, here are some of my very favorite, heart-warming summer memories.

• Playing around at JR Smith. I love all of those memories, but one especially. It was a really nice dark night, and we were all just hanging out on the playground. The sprinklers came on on the lawn and Morgan and I decided to run out through them. We just ran back and forth, trying to miss getting hit, and the whole time the water was making these wonderful glowy, misty halos all over. It was fantastic. Summer perfection.

• I was sitting up on the hill one day, watching the sun set. And I happened to text Tyler randomly and he ended up coming up with me. We played ninjas. And that was it. We whacked things with sticks and busted out moves. It was crazy, but it was so much fun.

• I'm not exactly sure if this was summer, but I'm pretty sure it was. Morgan and I had bike day where we rode our bikes all over Heber to go visit everyone we knew. After visiting Jake and Lurpe and Britta as they installed a stereo in lurpe's car, we ended up at Brady's house where he and Mike held us prisoner for awhile. It was a good day.

• Skinnydipping in Deer Creek with Hannah. We snuck out of my house and left dummies in our sleeping bags. It was such a beautiful, starry night.

• Truck tubbing with Hannah and Kyle! It was so ridiculous, but so so much fun. We probably nearly died, and as we went through the drive-through at Dairy Keen, Colin, who I had this big crush on, saw us. But I kind of didn't care. I need to do this again this summer.

• My date with Michaelface. He took me to breakfast at Sonic where everyone, and I mean everyone was dressed just like the person they were with. It was so bizarre. Then we walked around the classic car show in the park, then later that day met up with Randi and Tyler and had a picnic with them at the duck pond. After they left, we went to Mike's house and got some tools. Then we found a really secret spot, ha ha, and buried some wishes and other things. We promised to return in exactly one year to unbury them, and we will. After that, we got pennies and went all over to bodies of water and tossed them in for wishes. It was really magical.

• Farmer's Markets every Thursday. Talking to the plant lady with Derek. Listening to the bands. Hulahooping. Buying smoothies from Jake or Enano. Walking across the street to Dairy Keen. Just being together.

• This night on the hill with Brady. We talked for a really, really, really long time. I definitely missed curfew and blamed it on falling asleep at Randi's house. I am such a liar. I told him all my secrets, all of them.

• Bonfires at Randi's and Britta's houses. Michael with a rake or something, hitting kids? I don't even know anymore. Just sitting around the fire talking and roasting marshmallows. Having roasting contests.

• Creating B&T. We are probably some of the coolest people ever. And we always go to Borders and Jamba Juice. We live in West Boon and our headquarters is an abandoned pizza hut. Our rivals are white and jean scene. We are way overdue for B&T day, by the way.

• Sleeping on the trampoline. I could do it alone (yay, this doesn't scare me anymore!), or with people, and I absolutely love it. There was one particular night, the very last night of summer after sophomore year with Hannah, that will be burned into my mind forever as the epitome of summer nights.

• This one day at Lurpe's house, outside in his backyard as the sun was setting. I hadn't seen him for awhile, and he had just gotten back from soccer camp. The field behind his house was all golden and wavy. The mountains were bathed in sunlight and we talked about living as hermits in the mountains, visiting each other with gifts and sending light signals across the valley. I will remember the feel of the cool grass and the shadows. I still feel a little sad or melancholy or something thinking of this. It was my favorite memory with him.

• The strange things I would do at night when I couldn't sleep. Once I made these really gross sugar cookies at one a.m. Tyler was so wonderful, and kept texting me the whole time. Once I danced around the backyard and on the trampoline with a sparkler. The moon was HUGE. And then one quiet, shadowy night, I sat on the trampoline in perfect silence, sketching the shadows and moonlight in the dark. I miss that so much.

• And this, perhaps the simplest, but probably the most profound. It absorbed every one of my senses and it happened over and over. Driving around as the sun sets, in my car, with Hannah, our hands out the window, the smells of summer and cut grass, golden, orange colors, warm air, music. That is summer.

Love, Jennifer

libra

Dear Blog Friends,

As I am a fanatic mystic, this is the kind of stuff I live for. Ha. But actually, I kind of believe it because it's pretty dang correct. Anyway, enjoy. (www.astrology-online.com)

Libra! About Your Sign...

Libra is the only inanimate sign of the zodiac, all the others representing either humans or animals. Many modern astrologers regard it as the most desirable of zodiacal types because it represents the zenith of the year, the high point of the seasons, when the harvest of all the hard work of the spring is reaped. There is a mellowness and sense of relaxation in the air as mankind enjoys the last of the summer sun and the fruits of his toil. Librans too are among the most civilized of the twelve zodiacal characters and are often good looking. They have elegance, charm and good taste, are naturally kind, very gentle, and lovers of beauty, harmony (both in music and social living) and the pleasures that these bring.

They have good critical faculty and are able to stand back and look impartially at matters which call for an impartial judgment to be made on them. But they do not tolerate argument from anyone who challenges their opinions, for once they have reached a conclusion, its truth seems to them self-evident; and among their faults is an impatience of criticism and a greed for approval. But their characters are on the whole balanced, diplomatic and even tempered.

Librans are sensitive to the needs of others and have the gift, sometimes to an almost psychic extent, of understanding the emotional needs of their companions and meeting them with their own innate optimism - they are the kind of people of whom it is said, "They always make you feel better for having been with them." They are very social human beings. They loathe cruelty, viciousness and vulgarity and detest conflict between people, so they do their best to cooperate and compromise with everyone around them, and their ideal for their own circle and for society as a whole is unity.

Their cast of mind is artistic rather than intellectual, though they are usually too moderate and well balanced to be avant garde in any artistic endeavor. They have good perception and observation and their critical ability, with which they are able to view their own efforts as well as those of others, gives their work integrity.

In their personal relationships they show understanding of the other person's point of view, trying to resolve any differences by compromise, and are often willing to allow claims against themselves to be settled to their own disadvantage rather than spoil a relationship. They like the opposite sex to the extent of promiscuity sometimes, and may indulge in romanticism bordering on sentimentality.Their marriages, however, stand a good chance of success because they are frequently the union of "true minds". The Libran's continuing kindness toward his or her partner mollifies any hurt the latter may feel if the two have had a tiff. Nor can the Libran's spouse often complain that he or she is not understood, for the Libran is usually the most empathetic of all the zodiacal types and the most ready to tolerate the beloved's failings.

The negative Libran character may show frivolity, flirtatiousness and shallowness. It can be changeable and indecisive, impatient of routine, colorlessly conventional and timid, easygoing to the point of inertia, seldom angry when circumstances demand a show of annoyance at least; and yet Librans can shock everyone around them with sudden storms of rage. Their love of pleasure may lead them into extravagance; Libran men can degenerate into reckless gamblers, and Libran women extravagant, jealous and careless about money sometimes squander their wealth and talents in their overenthusiasm for causes which they espouse. Both sexes can become great gossipers. A characteristic of the type is an insatiable curiosity that tempts them to enquire into every social scandal in their circle.

In their work the description "lazy Libra" which is sometimes given is actually more alliterative than true. Librans can be surprisingly energetic, though it is true that they dislike coarse, dirty work. Although some are modestly content, others are extremely ambitious. With their dislike of extremes they make good diplomats but perhaps poor party politicians, for they are moderate in their opinions and able to see other points of view. They can succeed as administrators, lawyers (they have a strong sense of justice, which cynics might say could handicap them in a legal career), antique dealers, civil servants and bankers, for they are trustworthy in handling other people's money. Some Librans are gifted in fashion designing or in devising new cosmetics; others may find success as artists, composers, critics, writers, interior decorators, welfare workers or valuers, and they have an ability in the management of all sorts of public entertainment. Some work philanthropically for humanity with great self-disciple and significant results. Libran financiers sometimes make good speculators, for they have the optimism and ability to recover from financial crashes.

Possible Health Concerns...

Libra governs the lumbar region, lower back and kidneys. Its subjects must beware of weaknesses in the back, and lumbago, and they are susceptible to troubles in the kidneys and bladder, especially gravel and stone. They need to avoid overindulgence in food and especially drink, for the latter can particularly harm the kidneys.

LIKES
• The finer things in life
• Sharing
• conviviality
• Gentleness

DISLIKES
• Violence
• Injustice
• Brutishness
• Being a slave to fashion

Love, Jennifer

hello.

So I haven't really blogged for awhile, and yet again, not much to say. But I do love you all a lot and wanted to stop by. Haha. As if I don't see you everyday. But still. I will say this. What will your life be about? Is it deadlines and achievements and success? Because I'm realizing those are not life, they are just side effects of living. Just go do something you really, really want to, because what else do you have?

Love, Jennifer

dear friend

By the way, I have no idea who this is, but I have a random fan from the great lakes region who always shows up on my visitor map. Welcome Great Lakes Friend!

Mis Pantalones!

Herlo, Od Pepson!

So I got some really cool, but really intimidating news this morning. I awoke to the sound of multiple doorbells, otherwise known as Hannah texting me a long text. Apparently there are still swimming type of people who wake up before ten thirty, unlike me. Anyway, she told me that if I want to, I can become nationally certified in cueing sometime close to this summer. And THAT means that I'd be able to get a freaking awesome, really good paying job for college. Do I want that? yes. very much so. But then I thought about it, how I'm not actually all that great at cueing. Actually, how I'm really quite bad at it.

This is all part of that weirdo thing that goes on in my mind every so often, mostly when I get out of my comfort zone at all, or when I try anything new, or change anything, or realize that I have a lot of work ahead of me. It's the "give up now!" voice. I hate that thing. But then I thought about it more. And I thought about how the only things I've ever regretted have been things that I did not do. The times when I was too afraid to try something, those have been the ones I really wish I would have. The worst I can do is fail at something, right? So "brand new resolve" Jennifer showed up and I decided to go for it. A whole bunch of work? Oh, definitely. But I will never be able to regret not trying.

So there's my inspirational moment for the weekend. It was a good one, by the way. Thursday night I went to the pasta party at Creighton's house, and remembered how much fun those things used to be. Friday night, I hung out with Morgan and Brady doing silly, useless things which actually turned out to be entertaining in their own way. And Saturday, I went to my dear friend Natalie's house for a birthday fiesta, which was a lot of fun. AND, I got to watch three movies (two of them new!) and read half a book. AND I got two new CDs, both of which I like a lot, although I must admit, Sufjan Stevens gets the award for quirkiness. It was a good weekend for media. Ha ha.

Love, Jennifer

Don't you love fresh starts?

bits of my year

So, I thought I'd start this new blogging year (and finish up the old one) by providing you, my faithful readers, with a little peek into the world of my paper journal. That's right. The one where I write all my wildest, deepest thoughts and dreams. Haha. So here they are, a few little tidbits from different points throughout 2007 that I feel like sum up the year quite well. Hoorah.

2007, The Year I Learned It All. Ha.

January 3: "Scared out of (my) mind..."

January 14: "It was the most satisfying smash of my life."

January 27: "I've been blind in a lot of ways."

January 28: "...for the tiniest moment, I remembered what it was like to love him."

January 31: "My defenses are down."


February 4: "I thought to myself that I never wanted to be apart from these people."

February 27: "I can only say that life has a way of being exquisitely painful."


March 1: "...some days, when life seems especially ugly, it's nice to know someone remembers your name."

March 11: "...but in my mind, I just thought, I'm sorry I'm such an idiot."

March 12: "I thought about cornflakes."

March 24: "...surprising myself by feeling like it meant nothing."


April 1: "I couldn't believe I told him."

April 17: "I just really hope she'll be okay."

April 22: "It always seems like all these life events are thrust on me at once."

April 25: "He changed so much."


May 17: "I thought about it then, how easy it is for me to talk to her, and I felt so happy that I have her as a friend."

May 28: "...I have my fingers crossed."

May 29: "Well, it was a flaming failure."


June 3: "I sure hope he didn't look down."

June 5: "...I hate that I did that."

June 24: "That was definitely not meant for me."

June 27: "I'm in love with Chicago!"


July 14: "I still really care what he thinks of me."


August 12: "...how self-destructive..."

August 15: "What does (he) think he's doing?"


September 9: "The suspense is killing me!"

September 17: "I met the elusive Kenneth last night."

September 30: "I've seen (him) as a person. And that's it."


October 2: "It's not magic."


November 9: "What is going on here?"

November 13: "What a mystery love is."

November 24: "What would they think? They have no idea."

November 29: "Anyway, there it is. My future."


December 18: "My brain just feels all over the place."

December 21: "She knows all about (it) and all."

December 30: "My face has been pretty puffy..."

December 31: "Eat more vegetables!"


Happy New Year!

Much Love, Jennifer

"Without even a head to comfort him..."

Blog family! I feel like i haven't blogged in 200 years....but really more like 12 or so days.

To start with, a quick rundown:
Movies you should see:
I Am Legend (Will Smith, very good)
The Painted Veil (Edward Norton, pretty dang good)

Also, Christmas was awesome! I had a really good holiday this year, even though poor Michelle Pickleface wasn't here... it was still very nice, plus my brother and Erin were in Utah this year, so that was an excellent bonus. Working with the peace house provided some really cool opportunities that I wouldn't have had otherwise, for which i am really grateful. presents rock, but so does kindness, right?

There is a small (big) project underway, and i need everyone's help! If you have any pictures from our years in high school together, you should definitely try to get them to me! i can borrow printed, old-school kinds which i will return, you can email them to me, or perhaps most convenient of all, post them on your blog and i will simply steal them with pleasure! this would be really helpful and in the end it will turn out really cool. gracias.

I got my wisdom teeth out today! It was kind of nerve-wracking, i must say--the wait at least. I had to make myself unclench my fists on the ride to PC. in hindsight, i'm not actually sure what i was nervous about. but still. they numbed my arm a bit, then put the iv in. (not nearly as big as my last encounter with a needle!) i got a nice oxygen mask, and while i was trying to tell if i could recognize any difference between pure oxygen and the air we breathe, lots of people walked in, and commented on things such as my christmas ("it was really good, yeah."), my straight, nice teeth (oh, haha, those. well thanks), and finally those "sweet babies" which turned out to be my wisdom teeth. i guess some are more fond of them than others. who knows? anyway, i was concentrating on determining the exact point when the anesthesia kicked in, and the next thing I know, the nurse and my mother are trying to wake me up. what a strange experience...my mom asked why i was staring at her like that, but her image kept floating off of the plane of her body. after a few minutes, i felt less woozy, although still wobbly, and we started to make our way to the car. morgan and her mom were in the waiting room (i realized this when she started laughing), so i stopped to "talk" or whatever would come next, but I had no rational words to say or any comments for her. i just felt really, really out of it. apparently there was gauze in my mouth, which was completely numb, but when Morgan asked, all I could say was "I don't know," and then make my way on. After I got home, i slept for awhile, then ate a little bit of pudding stuff which watching the office. and then...... hannah came over! i was very excited about this, she being the only one out of a few people who actually came to see me like they said. not that i'm bitter. lol.

anyway, that's about how my break has gone so far. see you all soon, i'm sure.

Love, Jennifer

musings on the english world

So, AP English. It's kind of dramatic to me. Haha. But seriously.

It's been a weird process this year. I've totally realized that most of all the things we "learned" in previous English classes basically suck and aren't applicable anymore. And that those classes were ridiculously easy, even when they seemed hard. About 55% of the time now, I leave class realizing I'm not so good as I thought I was, and that sucks. It's pretty depressing, actually.

Like the essay I wrote on Cold Mountain, where I totally thought I covered my bases very well and explained my points logically and intelligently, and generally just did a really good job. But then I get it back and I got a 5 out of 9. Yeah, that's an F. But the strange thing is, I'm getting used to it, and as opposed to the past, where this kind of thing would just infuriate me and I'd stop being open minded about criticism, I can take it now. So instead of freaking out and giving up, I took it and rewrote it today, and at least it's better. I don't know if it's right, but it's better. And in the past? Yeah, no drafts at all. Went straight from idea in my head to finished paper. Now I rewrite my papers and elaborate my ideas until they're good.

This all sounds kind of superfluous and pointless, but it's really not. I've finally been broken down and torn off my throne of good writing. I'm not naturally a perfect writer, surprise! I have to work at it, which I now realize. The thing is, I can actually learn something now. And that's really exciting to me; maybe that makes me a nerd, but I don't really care! Finally I feel like I'm not leaving high school empty-handed. I have to actually think in this class, and we've had the best discussions of my three years at Wasatch. It's not just about English, it's about universal ideas and feelings and all sorts of good stuff. I started out thinking I would hate everything expected of me, but at this point I'm so, so glad I can't get away with average. It's really nice. Hard, challenging, but nice.

Love, Jennifer

I can't believe I wrote all this on English. Haha. Lame. Oh well.

Three French Hens

Well! It's December and snowy and getting so close to Christmas! I love it. Today I spent the morning doing sub for santa/holiday helpers gift buying and wrapping...it was kind of an odyssey. I was designated as Park City shopper, so a sophomore named Tyler and I perused our way around buying gifts for about eight people. It was kind of an intense shopping trip...a lot of stuff to buy in a pretty short amount of time. And it's probably the most I've ever spent at one store at once. Like $600. It was crazy, and a lot of fun actually.

We got back to Heber and finished wrapping everything with the help of everyone. And then there was pizza and much joy and happiness. So it was nice. And things like this are what I really, actually like about Christmas. Not having a pile of stuff on Christmas morning. It's the really good feeling you get because no matter who you are, Christmas is a time of loving people and being the best people we can to everyone. And just generally feeling good most of the time.

Love, Jennifer

PS--Never try to get any information out of Travis! All you'll get is some cryptic clues that make you think of towels.

Happy First Snowfall

Love, Jennifer

Saturday Night Poem Time

This one's something like a riddle. :)


It is lovely, lacking, sparing,
Stark and clear and flatly bound,
Once gave pause and cause to think
If existence has a sound.

Once an arm and fist of green,
Once a sentinel of old,
Once an eye that saw it all,
For now a silent world I hold.

I'm to place my thoughts and words
On this tiny, wary screen?
On this wise and thoughtful soul;
On this living, breathing thing?

I think I lack the aptitude
And confidence of what is mine
To scribble on this piece of earth,
To write upon the bones of time.

And so I'll leave it blank, or yet,
I'll leave it as it always was,
To sit and without speaking it,
To testify there's more than us.


Love, Jennifer

So far, so far, so far...

So, Brady has discovered my blog, which is all at once awesome and kind of funny and worrying because there's so much stuff on here. Lol. Oh well, it's good.

It's almost December, which is AWESOME because Christmas is coming! I'm very excited because there is really no better feeling than waking up to new snow (hopefully, right?) and being warm and happy with your family on Christmas morning. I love that. And also Thanksgiving is this week, which is a smaller dose of the same feeling, plus lots and lots of good food, which is always a good thing for me. So I'm excited; plus we have breaks for both of these holidays. And I am never opposed to sleeping in. :)

This weekend was kind of ridiculously busy, but still a lot of fun. On Thursday I helped with Reality Town all day, which sucked but oh well. That afternoon we left for Fall Leadership Conf. for FBLA in Provo. Session that night, then a dance. I met this really nice kid from Morgan, although I forget his name, but still. And I had possibly the most fun ever dancing. I danced like a crazy person with this really nerdy, really attractive guy to an O-Zone song, and that was possibly the highlight of the whole thing. Friday morning Morgan and I left early and drove (successfully!) to the University of Utah.

We spent all of Friday touring the campus and housing and checking everything out. Then that night we met our host, whose name was Madeline and spent the rest of the night with her and everyone who lived on her dorm floor. It was freaking awesome, no lie. It made me sooooooo (x 100) excited for college. We even sort of played straight up. I loved it.

Saturday we drove home and took a nap (we were up until 3 a.m.), then got ready for our Sadie Hawkins date, which I might add was kind of monumental. I took Diogo, and our group went to eat at Guru's, then played Laser Tag (always a favorite), then went back to Kami's to get ready. After we were all ready--Diogo and I dressed as the fifties, and he looked awesome--we went to the dance, which was kind of lame, and got pictures. After all that, and after the dance ended, we went to Morgan's house and had ice cream. We discussed People magazine's sexiest man alive edition, which was a surprisingly good conversation, then talked about movies until like 12:30. It was a really fun day/weekend.

And that's about all the update I can muster. I've missed you, bloggers. :D

Love, Jennifer

Pop Rocks and Conflict

Dear Blog Family/World/Internet,

Today I was thinking about, well, a lot of things and about all the categories people fit into in high school. Such as, the one who for whatever reason, just has a really exceptional high school experience, and every moment for them is a yearbook moment. Or there's the one who completely hates it for no other reason than the fact that they just hate it. And there are a hundred other little categories that fall in between those, one of which I fit into. And mine isn't necessarily good, although it has been good, and not necessarily bad, although it has been that as well.

In psychology we talked about some stages of "finding" yourself, or whatever you'd like to call it, figuring out your world or whatever. He told us about the "crisis" stage, which isn't as negative as it sounds, where you're trying everything and testing and exploring everything trying to find what fits you. You've made no decisions but you're trying. And I realized in this one strange, crystallized moment that I've been in this 'crisis' stage for like two years. And I'm completely serious. I kind of feel like the cliche picture of a conflicted high schooler. I'm insanely frustrated, at nothing at all! Sometimes I get what I'm looking for, but often I do not, which is a source of confusion to me. The things I'm trying to find are not bad, or unworthy, just somehow out of reach... which has led to a lot of thought about the whole thing, whether they are things that will never be available or if I'm just supposed to sit it out and wait. It's very troubling. Lol. Because honestly, I don't know how much there is out there if the simplest things I'm looking for are never to be found.

Love, Jennifer

ps- I was a really fantastic tiger for Halloween! And I had to scream whenever anyone touched me at dinner. That was interesting. Lol. I'll post pictures later when I'm not lazy.

Oh. also, pop rocks=fizzy throat feeling. hahaha.

((()))---^--------|

Alright, just to begin with, I'm really really excited because tonight is Kami's (sort of, not really) annual Halloween party. And I'm really excited to wear my costume, because it is just plain ridiculous. This is one of those times when it pays to be a small person. I'll have to post some pictures or something later. lol.

It's been really nice not having school... yesterday I had lunch with Britta and Erin. We had a pretty good conversation about everything on earth. And of course, we ended up talking about the upcoming graduation of us seniors and whatnot, so I left feeling weird, like I always do after talking about this stuff. And I turn on my car, and the one fateful line that I hear is "I can't wait to go gray." Oh, Death Cab. Do you have to be so unnaturally wise?

Love, Jennifer

It's Good To Be In Love

I haven't blogged forever, so I guess everyone now has the right to call me a slacker. It was bound to happen. lol.

Anyway, nothing super important to write about, except this one little moment that made me think, "wow, i should blog about that."

We were at Enano's house about to watch 1408, and I was listening to this song on Morgan's iPod. It's called "It's Good To Be In Love" by Frou Frou. And it's just one of those songs that the first time I heard it, I instantly fell in love with. So anyway, I can't hear anything but this song, and it's AMAZING--one of those songs that makes you insanely glad to be alive and exactly where you are. And I look in the little piano room, and Enano's in the background with this huge smile, playing guitar, Hannah and Travis are in the doorway holding hands, and Morgan's just facing them, talking to them. And it was such an ordinary situation, but set to this song, it was like....art. I seriously could not look away. In my gallery of mental snapshots, this one is in a gold frame. Not because it was special or different in any way, but because it is the closest I've ever come to putting my finger on the simple, unconditional, good-freaking-times that follow us everywhere.

I thought about the last, like, four years and how many moments exactly like this we'd had. And how I've loved every one of them. Even the "boring" times when we did nothing at all, sometimes those were the best. And how maybe we'll have to be leaving this stuff soon... such a weird, melancholy, bittersweet feeling. In that moment, I realized how good it is to be exactly where I was, even if not forever. It's good to be in love. I do know that the day I move out, or on, or whatever it may be, that I will leave much wiser and happier and infused with these thousands of pointless, but infinitely important moments. All thanks to a song.

Love, Jennifer

clashing of worlds

I'm having this strange clashing of worlds. Lol.

I'm registering to vote tomorrow. Also, buying dresses and whatnot for Homecoming. I mean, weird, right?

I'm going through the college process. And also the daily dramas of High School.

I've learned lately that no matter what's going on, it can all be fixed with a little deep breathing and thought. Oh, and Coldplay. So yes.

Haha. I am such a boring blogger these days. That's okay though... this blog was always kind of about me sending off random thoughts into the abyss of the internet.

Good night, see you all tomorrow.

Love, Jennifer

And I would walk on water...

I've been evolving. Lol.

I don't know what's been going on really....not so much anyway. But I'll post some highlights for you...

First sickness of the season! Haha, yay. I told my mom that I didn't believe in western medicine, but she gave me a pill anyway.

I found a book. Yes, and it's quickly moved up to one of my top five books ever. It's called The Tao of Pooh (as in, winnie the pooh), and it's ridiculously good. I have no idea how to explain Tao, (which, oddly enough, is Tao in action), so I won't try. Just take my word that it's good and maybe go out and read it yourself.

I've been thinking A LOT. And having some good conversations because of it. For instance, I have decided that the root of every decision ever (and I mean every one) is to make yourself happy. It makes sense. And also, I've come to the conclusion that most dreams are never realized, and I'm still in the process of trying to figure out why. Maybe dreams aren't forgotten or unachieved, they simply evolve into other dreams? I don't know.

My whole freaking college plan collapsed. I'm serious. I was thinking Westminster would be fantastic, but it turns out that it's....well, not so much. It's a big party school, and that's a turn off. And also....all of the sudden, it just feels wrong. Each time I think about it, it seems weirder and more wrong to me, so I suppose that's my answer. Also, I was sort of planning on eventually making it to Washington or Oregon for school. Found out those are ridiculously expensive places to live. Combined with out of state tuition, and I'm screwed. So hmm. Back to square one for me.

Good season for music and concerts and just plain happiness.

New Healthy plan with Morgan has gone into effect. Sweet.

Also, I appreciate all of you times a billion. Really.

Love, Jennifer

here's how it is.

So, good news. I'm feeling much better, because I have just realized that I'm doing okay, and I've gotten back into things without incident. It is a strange thing, a lot of stuff is happening right now. In the "milestones" department of my life, probably more is happening than has been so far in the last...oh, five years. I don't know. lol. But instead of freaking out (I am a person of habit, and familiarity), I'm just....well....taking it. I'm somehow accepting each new phase and new thought and new stage and I'm adapting, and actually feeling happy and excited about it. It's so weird, but maybe this is what growing up really is. Maybe I've finally figured it all out. Ha.

So today, if you would ask me how I am, or how I'm feeling, my answer would probably be something like, "Big sigh of relief." And I'm not sure if I would actually say that, or if I would actually do it, but that's what it would be. Lol.

Love, Jennifer

an update for you. i am slacking.

Sorry, this won't be long, but i think i should just give a little update...

school, school, school. i'm in the middle of trying to get back into it, and used to it. not so easy this time for some reason....anyway, i'm figuring that out. and realizing that things may be changing a bit for me this year. but in a good way. so, i'll be trying to get some balance for a bit, but i think this year will turn out to be very good.

love to the internet world and all of you reading this,
Jennifer

A thousand words are simply not enough.

Summer is nearly over. And honestly, not a lot has happened...but at the same time, so much has. :)


I have seen things bigger than myself...
And shared them with those that I love.
I have had plenty of reasons to smile...
And plenty of times when the happiest thing was simply being glad to be alive and in the moment.
I've done some hard things which ended up having the greatest reward...
And I've seen people prove to me exactly what they can do. Impressive.
I've seen some beautiful things...
And some beautiful people.
I've had fun, even when things didn't go perfectly...
And spent time with the coolest of the cool. lol.
I've had some really spontaneous moments...
And remembered why I love it here.
I've remembered to not take anything too seriously...
And have not forgotten the ones who won't forget me.
I've found happiness on Emo Lane...
And I've found music at the Library.
I've been lazy...
And I've buried some memories and wishes.
I've taken some people on "dates"...
And started a new gang.

I've seen art in unexpected places...
And grown closer (yes, it was possible) to the Fammy.
I've seen people returning to some old favorites...
And I've been reminded why my old favorites are my old favorites.
I've relaxed and enjoyed the past three months...

I've let go of some things...


And accepted some new.I've played around...
And maybe even had a misunderstanding or two.
I've learned new things about everyone...

And a few about myself.


But I couldn't have, and wouldn't dream of, doing any of it without all of you.
Thanks for making it worthwhile. And thanks for the memories.

Love,

hola.

Hmm. Summer is almost over. Isn't that terrible? I think so. But also, in a way, I'm excited, because this is a chance to start over and enjoy my last year of high school. I can make it whatever I want. And I want it to be amazing!

I guess I don't have too much to blog about. It's been a really, really strange last two weeks for me. I've been all over the place, and really conflicted. And just feeling pretty crappy. But I am sorry to see summer go.

Love, Jennifer

schedule...it's the thing to post.

Well, here is my schedule for this year. I'm quite pleased. :)

1- AP English
2-Health
3-Psychology 1100
5-Concert Choir
6-Chemistry
7-Seminary
8-Financial Literacy

....if you will notice, NO MATH!!!

Lots o' love, Jennifer

Dirk

For Hannah. Hahahahaha.

Love, Jennifer

learning to drive...?

So, my one summer goal was to learn to drive a stick shift. And I made a point of only making one serious goal because I didn't really want my summer to be structured or have expectations, so this is the one thing I decided I NEEDED to do. And yet, here I am, in the last weeks of summer vacation, and my foot has yet to step on a clutch or shift the.....shifty thingy.

So I guess my point is, any of you out there who would like to teach me, yay. Cause I still have time lol. And also, this is the lamest blog ever.

Last night, however, was incredibly successful. That's all. :D

Love, Jennifer

sunrise and moonset. oh, and a really scary movie.

Bonjour,

So this is what I woke up at five forty-five this morning for. I'd say it ended up being worth it. My alarm went off, and I fought every feeling inside me to go back to sleep. After I quickly got dressed, I left a little note and rode my bike over to memorial hill. then i pedaled/walked up it. that thing is freakin long, lol. once i finally made it to the top, i sat around for about thirty minutes waiting for the sun to rise. for your information, it rises at about 6:40. anyway, at that moment I got this picture which i originally didn't think much of, but like a lot now!



the cool thing about this whole adventure was that while the sun was rising to my left, on my right the moon was just setting behind timp. and now I can say that I saw the line that divides night and day... sometimes the amazing stuff just overwhelms me, you know?

so today kind of ended up being a day of doing some nice nature things. after the sunrise adventure, i went home and slept for a while, then rescued hannah's family, who ran out of gas. :) lol. then I went to my grandpa's and hung up his laundry then talked to him for awhile. after that I went home, got lunch, then drove up to the grove, where I sat beneath this great old tree and tried to draw it. quite difficult....more so than it seemed anyway. but i did enjoy it. while I was there, about three deer wandered by. some were more cautious of me than others, but i did manage to get about two decent pictures. the weird things like that are making me happy these days.

tonight i went with erin, britta, and brady to the Jordan Landings to see a movie. Oh wow, did we get lost. Erin quickly took on the role of "yell person", britta the role of "being right but sometimes ignored", brady of "scapegoat", and me of "sitting there saying absolutely nothing." oh yes, I was also there for emotional stability of the group. It was decided that laws are made for people who know where they're going, and eventually, apparently because of my prayers, we made it there. and we were even in time to see the previews before, lol. we met brock, kylie, jacob ward, and his two brothers, and saw "1408". it was freakin' scary. i seriously screamed out loud like three times (i never do that), and was clutching britta's knee the whole time. but, it was a cool, if bizarre, movie. and we even made it home without incident.

that's all for now. good night to all.

Love, Jennifer

IKEA and my new plant.

So yesterday I went with Norgan to Ikea to get some more amazing stuff for her room-in-progress. I've just gotta say....that place is fantastic. Seriously, it blows my mind. There are so many beautiful rooms in the showroom, and all the stuff is priced really well. As I told Hannah, it brought out my inner Martha Stewart, which immediately started yelling "Decorate! Decorate! Decorate!" So ha. Take that WalMart.

We walked around and picked stuff up for about four hours, then as we were almost leaving, we found a whole bunch of really cheap bamboo plants. So we were each going to get one, but we couldn't decide on just one, so we ended up getting two. Morgan named hers Shanghai and Mulan, (very fitting for a bamboo plant), and mine are: Frodo (the fat one on the left) and Voldemort (the sinister, skinny looking one). We were really excited about these.

As we were walking around lighting land, we passed this guy, who was talking to his new wife, I'm pretty sure. And this was one of those amazing movie moments that actually happened in real life. But anyway, he kind of started shouting and said, "No! I just can't wait to build my house with you!" And he was so excited, and she was sort of embarrassed but you could tell they were totally in love. And I was in love with that guy for that moment. So that made me really happy.

So that's about all that's going on in my life. Bamboo plants and all. But I've gotta say, I'm definitely in love with summer. Still. Always.

Love, Jennifer

to britta :D

Hey everyone...

So do you know what today is? It's britta marie's birthday! i'm very excited about this, so happy sweet sixteen britta :D

so not very much has been going on. it's been a nice week of doing great things with morgan though....i'm sure you've all seen the pictures by now, and that's just the part of it we got on film. it's been nice, but i'm also glad hannah's back, so now the fammy's been fully reunited. yay.

wow, this sucks. but sorry, that's about all i've got going on right now. lol. i ran through the sprinkler mist tonight.

Love, Jennifer

Deux Cents et Compte

Well you can just break out the party hats, because this is officiall Blog #200. That's right. And I must admit, I'm in a somewhat uncomfortable mood, so to counteract this, I will think of the good things that I have. And those are all of you. Yes, yes. So the following is a list of all of you, the ones I love, and the great things you've done for me. Or maybe just why I love you. Anyway, happy 200.

Hannah: You've done a lot, a lot for me, which makes this hard to choose. But, I must warn you, my choice is not based on overall impact. It's just something that struck me as really sweet and selfless that I was incredibly grateful for. Remember that night, after the massage day with Morgan and her mom? And I was pretty disappointed because of something that happened earlier (which happened a lot) and we were just in my room, probably eating yogos or otter pops. anyway, an opportunity arose and you totally let me ditch you because it was important to me at the time. And this seems really stupid, but that was a big thing, because at that moment I realized that you really, really cared about my happiness. and that is worth the world.

Morgan: I love you because you always think of the really best, wonderful things to do for me. For example, back when I worked at Le Hub, I absolutely hated it. But the days when you would walk in, always with this perfect Morgan smile, it made me very happy. And you never ever come empty-handed. Like when you brought me a sobe, or like the day it rained and you, shirt spotted with raindrops, came to wftm with sunflowers. those are the things that mean a lot.

Britta: You always check in with me, and I've gotta say, it makes me feel nice. You always ask how i'm doing, and really, I know what you're actually asking. And I always feel like I can be honest with my answer. Did you notice how I used "always" a lot in this? That's because that's what you are; you are an "always" person, and I'm infinitely glad I can count on you like that.

Michael: I love you because you are much much "too nice". I have no idea who told you that, but I hope you completely ignore it. Seriously. The world could use a whole bunch more "too nice" people. It balances out the times when things get feeling "too bad."

Besto: No one is like you! Once you told me something like, "you can't expect him to stay single forever." And you were so right, because that's exactly what I had been doing. And I completely hated it that you said that, but I knew it was true. And I'm glad you are so ridiculously honest, because honesty is, well, a good thing.

Tyler: The very best thing you've done is accept me for me. And that is no small feat, lol. Like staying up forever because i had the terrible idea of cookies at one a.m., and then later eating them and pretending they weren't so bad. or playing ninjas on the hill. or bringing me cornflakes. and i'm hardly ever completely honest with anyone, but I was with you and to my surprise and delight, you showed me that that doesn't always end badly. Thanks.

Randi: Well, you really truly experience life fully, and I envy that. I've never seen you change to fit something that's not you, and I think that's great. Plus, you do look like a gummybear in goggles.

Erin: You're easy to talk to, which is always nice. I get the feeling that one of these days, given the right circumstances, I just might spill my guts to you. And no one could've pulled off the "jebby" thing and got that going except you.

Lurpie: I was really glad to know that you still remembered. And as for things you've done for me, at the very top of the long list is you not minding the phone calls and for the very first choir tour. both meant the world.

Enano: Yours is really, really easy. The bowling night, complete with snowy music and driving away. And you always, always make me laugh.

Brady: Thanks for the 2 a.m. night. And I have no idea why I said all that stuff, but you really didn't mind. I appreciate the philosophy and your trying to be a good person in the midst of a weird situation.

Lakey: Strange of me to use this word, but the best was the innocent way in which you approached it. Thanks for being the first.

Toni: Yeah, you'll never read this, but you definitely make the list anyway. I am still in love with the invented holidays and the knowledge that I never had a sister but actually did all along.


Love, Jennifer

"Caring about others, running the risk of feeling, and leaving an impact brings happiness." -Harold Kushner

Quincinera

Hola!

Last night was a lot of fun. I went to Besto's cousin, Karevi's quincinera. And by the way, I think she has the prettiest name ever! And dress! I got to see Besto do this choreographed dance with Karevi and all the other escorts, along with Michael, Britta, Brigette, and Erin....then Enano and Joy came later. It was amazing! It will definitely be forever imprinted on my mind, because it was just that good. I think I had this big smile on my face the whole time as I watched. After the formal sort of things, it was just like this big party, and after awhile even Britta, Michael, and I got sort of over our whiteness and danced. And yeah, we probably still sucked, being white and all, but as Berto put it, "Yeah, but it's cool that you try."

So that was fun. I'm definitely glad I was there.

So I just had a thought. The most comments I've ever gotten for one post is six. And I think we could beat that, because I know of 8 people who do, or have, read my blog. So we'll see, right? Lol, I'm not holding my breath though.

Love, Jennifer

nature moment

So, yesterday for YW's we hiked to Stuart Falls. And I was definitely in love with it! The hike definitely wasn't bad, pretty even and about 1.7 miles. Finally we kind of descended down this hill and got the first glimpse of the falls....oh wow. A few of us walked down to the river beneath, and looked up at everything. It was amazing. And it had the nicest cool mist coming down off it. We climbed up higher to the next level up, where there was a smallish pool sort of thing right off where the water comes down before it goes into the next waterfall. It was just really, really nice. I wanted to just stand there for hours. Or live there. Or whatever. But I loved it. So there's my nature moment of the week.

Also, the weather right now is beyond perfect.

And also, in case you didn't know this and read it before tonight, at the farmers' market today there will be a swing band! yay.

Love, Jennifer

New Jennifer---this one's faking it.

So this summer I've been thinking a lot about college. And honestly, it's scaring me to death...I am not a decision maker. I realized this mostly last summer when I met for lunch with someone at Dairy Keen. And I hadn't ever really hung out with him, so he didn't know much about me, and he still told me I wasn't a decision maker. And this story is sort of beside the point, but he is so right. I'm freaking out, because when it really comes down to it, I am going to have a ridiculously hard time deciding anything. And these are important decisions here.

Somewhere in between all this decision making, I've started to realize that this doesn't fit. I shouldn't be deciding on COLLEGE stuff... I mean, it makes me feel mature or something, and I mean really, but that's so wrong. I'm not mature! I'm going to the midnight premier of Harry Potter tonight! I still put Nesquik chocolate powder on my ice cream, because that's just plain delicious. I sleep on my trampoline. I carry around playdough in my purse, just in case. This college decision making thing is completely wrong. I'm definitely not "grown up" so how'd I get to this point so quickly? Sigh. I may seem mature on the outside, but inside I'm still about twelve years old. So yeah, new Jennifer, and about the maturity, well, she's faking it.

Love, Jennifer

summer nights

surprise. another good quote from Goodbye Tsugumi.

"On nights like this when the air is so clear, you end up saying things you ordinarily wouldn't. Without even noticing what you're doing, you open up your heart and just start talking to the person next to you--you talk as if you have no audience but the glittering stars, far overhead. There are any number of negatives showing nights like this filed in the "Summer Nights" section of my brain....The knowledge that as long as I went on living I would always have chances to feel these nights made it possible for me to have hope for the future. Lovely nights like tonight....I knew this night would never be back, but that didn't matter. Just having the possibility, just knowing that I might find myself again in a night like this, in some other summer, was enough to make it all perfect."

As you can probably tell, I'm in love with this book. lol.

So tonight Hannah and Morgan and I (and probably (and hopefully) everyone else) are going to the farmer's market. yay. except for it's like three o'clock right now and 100 degrees, which is (as enano would say) ri-gosh-dang-diculous. anyway, i'm still excited.

Love, Jennifer

goodbye tsugumi

Right now I'm reading a book called "Goodbye Tsugumi" by Banana Yoshimoto. This next part is one of the best things I've read in a long time. It's just really, really good. Really.

"...we were all struggling to conceal the murky snarl of emotions that must actually have slept deep inside each one of us. Life is a performance, I thought. Perhaps the word "illusion" would have meant more or less the same thing, but to me "performance" seemed closer to the truth. Standing there in the midst of the crowd that evening, I felt this realization swirl dizzily through my body in a dazzling splendor of light, if only for an instant."

and the next part of it is what i've always thought about but never put into words...

"Each one of us continues to carry the heart of each self we've ever been, at every stage along the way, and a chaos of everything good and rotten. And we have to carry this weight all alone, through each day that we live. We try to be as nice as we can to the people we love, but we alone support the weight of ourselves."

That's all.

Love, Jennifer

Why Hello, Beautiful

Whew. Back from Chicago this afternoon. It really was an amazing trip. I realized that I really, really love cities. It was such a crazy, fast place, but I loved everything about it. The walking everywhere thing was sort of tiring, but I could get used to it. The buildings there were huge and riding elevators kind of sucked, but seeing skyscrapers everywhere was really new compared to everything flat here in Utah. The things I didn't exactly love where driving and the lack of stars. And not to say that I actually drove anywhere because I definitely didn't, but I would have been risking my life if I had! It's kind of strange to come home and drive around without careening or honking your horn all the time. And the stars....well, lack of.....that was the one thing that bothered me most, how it was so hazy there that you could only see a few stars every night. I kept thinking about Utah, and nights when it was so dark here you could see ridiculous amounts of stars. Overwhelming amounts of stars. And I really missed that.

But, all in all, I really love Chicago and miss it already. It is nice to be home though... and I definitely do not miss airports. We came really close to missing our plane this morning, and that would've really sucked. Airport security is getting really tight these days and the lines are super long. So, thank goodness I won't have to do that again for awhile. But, that also means my traveling is mostly over, which sucks. But that's okay, the city fulfilled all my wildest dreams, so it was probably a success. :D

Love, Jennifer

au revoir

Well, I've gotta say, I'm insanely excited to leave for Chicago tomorrow. True, I will miss everyone more than you all could imagine, and I'm not sure I'll be able to handle leaving BTN, but...I'm still really excited. And if I have time and find some cool (hopefully free) stuff, I'll totally bring you all something amazing. And oh yeah, pumpkins memorobilia :D

So, have a fantastic week. We'll be back on the second sometime. Mucho Love to all.

Love, Jennifer

Fireworks in June

So yesterday I was with Derek and Michael, and Derek had the extreme urge to buy fireworks, so we headed over to Days and did so. I found sixty sparklers for a dollar, yeah, that's right, so I bought them. Then last night I was having one of my late night moments, so I took a box outside at midnight and looked at the stars then lit some sparklers. And that, dear blog world, is what I love about summer and what I feel like doing every day of the year.

Oh. And also I had about three really good conversations yesterday. You know what? It feels really good to tell people stuff that you've been wanting to say. In fact, go do it right now....it just might make your day magical.

Love, Jeb

"I get by with a little help from my friends..."

This week has been insanely random and really really fun...

On Thursday, I went to the Farmer's Market and found Jake, Besto, Michael, and Derek. We sat directly in front of the stage and listened to this crazy classic rock band, that I think was called Dr. Bob. Dr. something, anyway... I got really hungry, and realized that it wasn't a great place for food, so I found Besto, Joy, Brigette, and Krystal, who were also looking for food, and we all went to Subway. When we got there, Besto and I decided that I was taking him on a date, so I bought him a sandwich, and for the rest of the night we enjoyed our date. lol. we went back to the park, and listened to some more Dr. Bob, then after awhile Hannah came. Hoorah! Later we went to Britta's and paid her a "suprise" "hypothetical" visit. We all walked around emo lane, then kind of just laid on the sidewalk and laughed and took pictures and looked at the stars.

Friday, Black and Tan Nation was basically born. And as you are asking yourselves right now, "Is that a gang?" well yes, it is. We had what was the first of many trips to Borders, where we perused to our hearts' delight for about two hours, then made our way to Jamba Juice and the abandoned pizza hut. All of this is simply too amazing for words...

On Saturday Michael took me on an amazing date...that morning, he picked me up and took me to breakfast, all early, which was extra nice I thought. I had to work after that until two, but around four, he, tyler, and randi came by and picked me up. we went to days and bought lunchables, naked juice, snapple, and bread, then went to the duck pond in midway (which an insane amount of people know about now!). We ate our lunchables, and tyler definitely got his tiny mustard packet all over michael, and I mean ALL OVER. good thing Michael is a blue, or tyler would be dead. haha. after that we fed the ducks, and he and i decided that the bottom of the pond is most likely made of bread...which seems more and more true the more you think about it. then we played on the playground sort of thing until tyler had to go home to pack. they dropped michael and i off at my house, where we got in my car, then drove to the bridge in midway and then a stream where we made wishes. it was pretty amazing. after that we began a secret operation which i cannot speak of here. mmhmm. after, we went to besto's house and played on his computer until i had to go. whew. it was a lot of fun.

today, I had a family picnic sort of thing for my grandma's (g unit!) birthday. My family is nuts, I just have to say. after I went to see hannah, since I havent' seen her in forever, and we talked and laughed and just had an all-around fabulous time. "I don't want to listen to you!" "ice lollies." hahahaha

Love, Jennifer

ps. holy amazing guitarness. i've never wanted to play anything so badly as this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VAkOhXIsI0&NR=1

parents

Well, I guess I'm just in a quotey, not sleeping mood. I was watching Scrubs one night (I LOVE scrubs, by the way. dear everyone, someone should buy me like, every season of it! i'd marry you, no questions asked. lol) and it was this episode about parents and how hard it is for kids and parents to understand each other. it made me think and laugh a lot at the same time, which is exactly why i love this show. Anyone, one of my favorite quotes from the episode (and stealing britta's idea, also the quote of the day)...

Cox: You are, in fact, a perfectly healthy 26-year-old doctor who keeps whining about how horrible his father was.
J.D.: Well, he did some considerable emotional damage, so...
Cox: Every one of our parents does considerable emotional damage, and from what I've heard, it just might be the best part of being a parent. Now, if come guy ever does put a ring on your finger and you're lucky enough to pop out a youngster I'm sure you'll understand. But for now, believe me when I tell you I wouldn't care if this was the first time you ever met your daddy. Because, in reality... well, he could have done a much, much worse job.

And then the nice, quiet, somewhat inspirational background music that i love comes on, and the camera sort of pans out, and leaves all of america (or at least people like me watching tv because they hate to sleep) thinking about that. And about their own parents. And how....yeah....it could've been much, much worse. And that's when I'm glad to have the parents I do, the ones that embarrass me like you wouldn't believe. Because who else would've gotten me to where I am, you know? Yeah.

Love, Jennifer