Today was good, I went to church, which was pretty fun because my aunt and uncle and little cousin Marcus came with us. Marcus is the cutest little boy, sooo funny and smiley. Anyway, got home, and since it was my uncle lee's birthday, made him a chocolate (chock-o-lick) pie. took a nap, then when I woke up I took the pie to him. Happy birthday, lol. After that my dad took me for a ride on his motorcycle, which rocked. It was really fun...makes me want to learn how to drive it. Almost lol. I decided, though, that whoever I marry must take me on motorcycle rides :)
The weekend kind of sucked on nights, lol, but the days were fun. It was swiss days, so I got to watch hoardes of people invade midway! haha... i love it though. Even though I forgot to glue the quarter to the sidewalk, which is like a tradition for toni and i. We did start a new tradition though....haha, "every girl's dream....." Friday they cancelled the Swiss Days stomp, which was LAME. Saturday I got to hang out with Morgan for awhile, and got to meet a friend of hers, (finally!) so that was good.
And tomorrow, no school! And no labor! Lol....sleeping in!
Much love, Jennifer
Sunday, September 03, 2006
Saturday, September 02, 2006
The pool
I went swimming for the first time in forever on Thursday. It was fantastic. I got there sort of latish, so there was no one around. The lights were off, except for the pool lights, under the water. It was perfectly quiet. The water was just waiting for me, a flawless, smooth sheet of crystal clear blue. Sooo perfect. Amazing. I knew that it would be the day I finally conquered the pool, then, because I knew it had to happen on a perfect night like this, and everything would have to be just right.
I dipped in, and it was cold, but not bad, perfect once you were underwater. I pushed off the wall, and realized I could see all the way down the length of the pool, the water was still perfectly still; the ripples I created hadn't caught up to me yet. I started stroking and forgot how good it felt to swim. I thought it would be hard for me, but as I made the first fifty, then 100, then 150, it was fine. I had only planned on doing a 200, but I thought, why not 300? one hundred later my arms are starting to burn a little, and my head's starting to feel a little light. I made it to three hundred, then realized that I was going to make it to five hundred. That's like, unheard of for me. I HATE five hundreds. By now I'm getting really tired, and starting to think about how if I passed out, no one would find me in the pool before I died. I kept swimming.
Four hundred hurts a lot, four hundred fifty makes you numb, and the last fifty goes by unnoticed. The last twenty-five, I didn't even think I had the option to stop after I finished it. silly me. Like I'd be swimming, all numb like I was, forever. I did stop though, and lifted myself out of the pool. My arms felt funny. My legs felt even weirder. jelly. I thought my muscles had probably become some sort of slush. i was so proud of myself. I stood there, looking at the now unperfect water, knowing I had conquered it. For now.
After that I sprinted a little, did some backstroke and fly, then kicks. Dolphin kicks only on your back...ouch. By that time, I started to get "paranoid indian" (haha don't ask) syndrome, and started seeing people out of the corner of my eye, watching me from the pool chairs. when I'd put my head under water, I'd hear doors shutting and chairs moving. I got scaarrrred. lol. finally I left, but I swear, there were people in the empty room. lol. Crazy me.
Much love, Jennifer
I dipped in, and it was cold, but not bad, perfect once you were underwater. I pushed off the wall, and realized I could see all the way down the length of the pool, the water was still perfectly still; the ripples I created hadn't caught up to me yet. I started stroking and forgot how good it felt to swim. I thought it would be hard for me, but as I made the first fifty, then 100, then 150, it was fine. I had only planned on doing a 200, but I thought, why not 300? one hundred later my arms are starting to burn a little, and my head's starting to feel a little light. I made it to three hundred, then realized that I was going to make it to five hundred. That's like, unheard of for me. I HATE five hundreds. By now I'm getting really tired, and starting to think about how if I passed out, no one would find me in the pool before I died. I kept swimming.
Four hundred hurts a lot, four hundred fifty makes you numb, and the last fifty goes by unnoticed. The last twenty-five, I didn't even think I had the option to stop after I finished it. silly me. Like I'd be swimming, all numb like I was, forever. I did stop though, and lifted myself out of the pool. My arms felt funny. My legs felt even weirder. jelly. I thought my muscles had probably become some sort of slush. i was so proud of myself. I stood there, looking at the now unperfect water, knowing I had conquered it. For now.
After that I sprinted a little, did some backstroke and fly, then kicks. Dolphin kicks only on your back...ouch. By that time, I started to get "paranoid indian" (haha don't ask) syndrome, and started seeing people out of the corner of my eye, watching me from the pool chairs. when I'd put my head under water, I'd hear doors shutting and chairs moving. I got scaarrrred. lol. finally I left, but I swear, there were people in the empty room. lol. Crazy me.
Much love, Jennifer
Monday, August 28, 2006
New Favorite Song
"She's My Kind Of Rain"
Tim McGraw
She's my kind of rain
Like love in a drunken sky
She's confetti falling
Down all night
She sits quietly there
Like water in a jar
Says, Baby why are you
Trembling like you are
So I wait
And I try
I confess like a child
She's my kind of rain
Like love from a drunken sky
Confetti falling down all night
She's my kind of rain
She's the sun set shadows
She's like Rembrandt's light
She's the history that's played at night
She's my lost companion
She's my dreaming tree
Together in this pre-eternity
Summer days, winter snows
She's all things to behold
She's my kind of rain
Like love from a drunken sky
Confetti falling down all night
She's my kind of rain
So I wait
And I try
I confess all my crimes
She's my kind of rain
Like love from a drunken sky
Confetti falling down all night
She's my kind of rain
She's my kind of rain
Like love from a drunken sky
Confetti falling down all night
She's my kind of rain
She's my kind of rain
Oh, rain on me
She's my kind of rain
Tim McGraw
She's my kind of rain
Like love in a drunken sky
She's confetti falling
Down all night
She sits quietly there
Like water in a jar
Says, Baby why are you
Trembling like you are
So I wait
And I try
I confess like a child
She's my kind of rain
Like love from a drunken sky
Confetti falling down all night
She's my kind of rain
She's the sun set shadows
She's like Rembrandt's light
She's the history that's played at night
She's my lost companion
She's my dreaming tree
Together in this pre-eternity
Summer days, winter snows
She's all things to behold
She's my kind of rain
Like love from a drunken sky
Confetti falling down all night
She's my kind of rain
So I wait
And I try
I confess all my crimes
She's my kind of rain
Like love from a drunken sky
Confetti falling down all night
She's my kind of rain
She's my kind of rain
Like love from a drunken sky
Confetti falling down all night
She's my kind of rain
She's my kind of rain
Oh, rain on me
She's my kind of rain
Sunday, August 27, 2006
into the mountains.....
So, today Hannah and I went up on a mountain, which turned out to be really really fun. And also, I realized that I'm very out of shape. I am sooo tired right now, but i have to let limewire finish before i can sleep! so sleepy... no brain for blog.
love, Jennifer
love, Jennifer
Friday, August 18, 2006
***...***...***...***
Wow. So, last night sucked. I finally just had to leave, cause it was so hard. I am such a loser. I slept on my trampoline last night, which for some reason made me feel better. I plan on sleeping out there tonight and the next. It makes me feel like I'm away from everything, which is what I want right now. Besto said that I shouldn't expect him to stay single and whatnot after I broke up with him. He is so right. I hate people who can do the right stuff and just let things go. That's not me. I could really live by myself for like a month right now.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
A song I like
This is basically the best Nickelback song ever. Whenever I hear a song like this, which is amazing, I always get upset that I didn't write it first. Dang it. Lol.
Far Away
This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know, you know, you know
[CHORUS]
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go
Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore
On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know, you know, you know
[CHORUS]
So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know
I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Far Away
This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know, you know, you know
[CHORUS]
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go
Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore
On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know, you know, you know
[CHORUS]
So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know
I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
the rest of the blog i tried blogging earlier
I lied, I don't want to be specific! haha, just kidding. I'll probably delete this before anyone reads it, though. SO, last night I hung out with lake, enano, hannah, and neil at enano's house. we tried to get besto to come, but no luck.
I thought it would be fine, seeing as how I hadn't been around any of them, as a whole group, in like a month at least. It turned out to be so so weird though. Probably because they're all like fighting right now, except really passive-aggressively. They are all mad at each other, but pretend like they're not. Not in a girl way, though, in the boy way where they actually want to be around each other and also kill each other. But whatever. And also, because I spent like the entire day finding out how Neil was an entirely new person. Seriously, I have no idea anymore. And it sucks. I HATE IT. Because I feel like i ruined something when we broke up. I'm not sure what it is, or what I'm saying, but that's just how I feel. So yeah. And also, I think he likes Randi. Which, okay, would be fine, is what I should say. Because he's not mine, we broke up and all, so fine. But aren't there some type of rules for these things? Like, don't date in a big group then break up and switch around people? Isn't that a rule or something? And shouldn't I care a LOT less about these things by now?
So I saw them at schedule change, and later my mom asked, basically, if things were okay between me and him, because she observed (and I also thought this) that he seemed to say things (things that had changed about him, sort of) that he like purposely wanted me to hear. Which is kind of upsetting. It's like he does stuff to spite me now. And I hate that! All I wanted was to be friends and be okay with everything. I hate change so much. Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing breaking up and all, because if it's right things shouldn't be so freaking messed up, should they? Also, I miss stuff. But like I'd ever not do it. Why is it that I always have to do what's right instead of what I actually want? Why is that? It sucks, cause I'm never happy this way. Maybe I messed something up in the process. Like, it would've been okay or something, except I messed up somewhere and it changed everything around. Crap. Also, too bad this doesn't make any sense.
Maybe this is just one of those days (two days) where I hate everything. You know what's good? ...........never mind.
-Jennifer
I thought it would be fine, seeing as how I hadn't been around any of them, as a whole group, in like a month at least. It turned out to be so so weird though. Probably because they're all like fighting right now, except really passive-aggressively. They are all mad at each other, but pretend like they're not. Not in a girl way, though, in the boy way where they actually want to be around each other and also kill each other. But whatever. And also, because I spent like the entire day finding out how Neil was an entirely new person. Seriously, I have no idea anymore. And it sucks. I HATE IT. Because I feel like i ruined something when we broke up. I'm not sure what it is, or what I'm saying, but that's just how I feel. So yeah. And also, I think he likes Randi. Which, okay, would be fine, is what I should say. Because he's not mine, we broke up and all, so fine. But aren't there some type of rules for these things? Like, don't date in a big group then break up and switch around people? Isn't that a rule or something? And shouldn't I care a LOT less about these things by now?
So I saw them at schedule change, and later my mom asked, basically, if things were okay between me and him, because she observed (and I also thought this) that he seemed to say things (things that had changed about him, sort of) that he like purposely wanted me to hear. Which is kind of upsetting. It's like he does stuff to spite me now. And I hate that! All I wanted was to be friends and be okay with everything. I hate change so much. Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing breaking up and all, because if it's right things shouldn't be so freaking messed up, should they? Also, I miss stuff. But like I'd ever not do it. Why is it that I always have to do what's right instead of what I actually want? Why is that? It sucks, cause I'm never happy this way. Maybe I messed something up in the process. Like, it would've been okay or something, except I messed up somewhere and it changed everything around. Crap. Also, too bad this doesn't make any sense.
Maybe this is just one of those days (two days) where I hate everything. You know what's good? ...........never mind.
-Jennifer
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Blog Blog Blog
Ughhh I am so bored, so here I am blogging. You know what sucks about this situation? I'm bored so I blog, but I don't actually have anything to say. So like, the TWO people who read my blog have to read this mindless rambling. Sorry buddie(s). Lol.
Sooo I had a weird night last night. I hung out with some people who I haven't in a long time, not all of them together anyway, and it was....crazy. We just watched a movie and stuff, and just hang out at someone's house, so it was almost like "old times." Yes, I will be using the phrase "old times" in this blog. and yes, I'm in a psycho mood. So yeah, just like old times, except for how EVERYTHING's changed. Seriously, everything. The bad thing is, I hate change, and don't handle it very well. Change is bad enough, but when I have to watch everyone around me (who i love) change, it's hard. I mean, much, much harder than I thought it would ever be. I don't expect everyone to always stay exactly how they are, (i constantly change), but it's still hard to check out of each other's lives for so long, then realize they're totally new people after that.
I am so tired of not being specific. Ugh. OK. well. since only hannah and besto and morgan and sometimes kelsey reads this, I'll just start talking like a normal person.......
uh oh must go. more later
Sooo I had a weird night last night. I hung out with some people who I haven't in a long time, not all of them together anyway, and it was....crazy. We just watched a movie and stuff, and just hang out at someone's house, so it was almost like "old times." Yes, I will be using the phrase "old times" in this blog. and yes, I'm in a psycho mood. So yeah, just like old times, except for how EVERYTHING's changed. Seriously, everything. The bad thing is, I hate change, and don't handle it very well. Change is bad enough, but when I have to watch everyone around me (who i love) change, it's hard. I mean, much, much harder than I thought it would ever be. I don't expect everyone to always stay exactly how they are, (i constantly change), but it's still hard to check out of each other's lives for so long, then realize they're totally new people after that.
I am so tired of not being specific. Ugh. OK. well. since only hannah and besto and morgan and sometimes kelsey reads this, I'll just start talking like a normal person.......
uh oh must go. more later
Monday, August 14, 2006
A list.
Today I:
Worked out at the FitStop doing a "low-carb" pain sandwich, wunches, and swimming dessert (haha i feel better about working out if i name it after food)
Decided what to do with my life.
Changed my schedule, which i am now happy with. Saw Enano, Neil, Kami, Garrett, and many others while there.
Came home, and made chicken salad sandwiches, which I ate and enjoyed. Yum.
Went to WFtM, where I got a present and got to create displays and whatnot. Much fun. Mostly.
Thought about stuff i should accomplish.
Came home, ate dinner.
Thought about cleaning my room. Made me want a brownie.
Made brownies. Felt useful.
Watched mucho TV and felt lazy again.
Started to write in my journal.
Got online and started talking to people.
Now I plan on finishing that journal, reading the BOM, (it's the bom haha), and going to sleep.
Sleep, and repeat. Except less planning and more doing next time.
Much love, Jennifer (Jeb)
Worked out at the FitStop doing a "low-carb" pain sandwich, wunches, and swimming dessert (haha i feel better about working out if i name it after food)
Decided what to do with my life.
Changed my schedule, which i am now happy with. Saw Enano, Neil, Kami, Garrett, and many others while there.
Came home, and made chicken salad sandwiches, which I ate and enjoyed. Yum.
Went to WFtM, where I got a present and got to create displays and whatnot. Much fun. Mostly.
Thought about stuff i should accomplish.
Came home, ate dinner.
Thought about cleaning my room. Made me want a brownie.
Made brownies. Felt useful.
Watched mucho TV and felt lazy again.
Started to write in my journal.
Got online and started talking to people.
Now I plan on finishing that journal, reading the BOM, (it's the bom haha), and going to sleep.
Sleep, and repeat. Except less planning and more doing next time.
Much love, Jennifer (Jeb)
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Registration and Death Cab
I had to register for school today, which made me feel kind of weird. Really, I only feel like I've been out of school for like a week. (I guess it's been a looonnng week) Dear Hannah and Morgan: this is just for you. Cause I can already tell both of you are already freaking out. Already. SO. Here's a little note I put in the "notebook" section of my cellphone. It says "Note to self: take breaks! don't go crazy." I think, given your tendencies to go crazy, this is something you should consider putting as a reminder to yourself somewhere. Cause geez, you're both psychos.
So anyway, my schedule is.....completely wrong as of now, but hopefully i can fix that one. I think i'm in about 52 clubs and all this year. It'll be so busy! But hopefully I can focus on some different stuff than last year. Cause we all know how that turned out for me. So far I have: Swim team, FBLA (officer-reporter), spirit club (what is this??), ambassadors club, and Prom committee. I get to make sure my Junior Prom doesn't suck! You know what would really make it not suck? If someone asked me. Ahem. You know... Lol.
Tonight is......dum dum dum!...... Death Cab For Cutie!! I am sooo excited. Hammah and Norgan and I are going together...much fun. I've been waiting forever for this. Finally! I'll buy a bunch of great stuff, I'm sure. And by that I mean like a tshirt and buttons. lol. Anyway, it will be really fun. If we make it, that is, not repeating the lost-on-byu-campus episode. This will be my....third concert. Don't be too impressed. I went to the backstreet boys concert back when i planned on marrying one, if not all of the backstreet boys. I remember they did this thing where they were suspended on ropes and like, flew out over the audience. I thought they were the best thing to ever grace my life. Now, looking back, I think, exactly how desperate were the backstreet boys? Haha. Second concert was last fall, Switchfoot, which rocked. Big time. I also planned on marrying Jon, but turns out the closer I inched towards the stage, the more obvious it became that he wore a nice shiny ring on the left hand. That was sort of disappointing. I think I'm still in love with him though. Haha. Just kidding. This one, though, will be like a zillion times better cause both hannah and morgan get to go!
Love, Jennifer
So anyway, my schedule is.....completely wrong as of now, but hopefully i can fix that one. I think i'm in about 52 clubs and all this year. It'll be so busy! But hopefully I can focus on some different stuff than last year. Cause we all know how that turned out for me. So far I have: Swim team, FBLA (officer-reporter), spirit club (what is this??), ambassadors club, and Prom committee. I get to make sure my Junior Prom doesn't suck! You know what would really make it not suck? If someone asked me. Ahem. You know... Lol.
Tonight is......dum dum dum!...... Death Cab For Cutie!! I am sooo excited. Hammah and Norgan and I are going together...much fun. I've been waiting forever for this. Finally! I'll buy a bunch of great stuff, I'm sure. And by that I mean like a tshirt and buttons. lol. Anyway, it will be really fun. If we make it, that is, not repeating the lost-on-byu-campus episode. This will be my....third concert. Don't be too impressed. I went to the backstreet boys concert back when i planned on marrying one, if not all of the backstreet boys. I remember they did this thing where they were suspended on ropes and like, flew out over the audience. I thought they were the best thing to ever grace my life. Now, looking back, I think, exactly how desperate were the backstreet boys? Haha. Second concert was last fall, Switchfoot, which rocked. Big time. I also planned on marrying Jon, but turns out the closer I inched towards the stage, the more obvious it became that he wore a nice shiny ring on the left hand. That was sort of disappointing. I think I'm still in love with him though. Haha. Just kidding. This one, though, will be like a zillion times better cause both hannah and morgan get to go!
Love, Jennifer
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Tuesday
So yesterday was pretty good, considering it was a Tuesday. Ever since we got back from Tennessee, Hannah and I have been trying to hang out with Colin and Casey. Lol, hard. Every time they'd ask us, or we'd ask them, one of us was always doing something or working or gone or whatever. It was crazy. So anyway, we finally planned it in advance, to hang out Tuesday, which we did. Funnnn.
Casey drove us to Bajio (he only missed one turn lane, lol), and we had a bunch of good food. It was no cafe rio, but still very good. Lol, beer beans, "sweet" rice, and tortilla gifts. How "coincidental" that i put my trash in hannah's drink and casey put his in colin's. lol funny guys. after that we went back into the car and listened to this comic on colin's iPod cause we had some time, who was really funny. I'll never look at a hot pocket the same way. "Dead pocket!" haha. I'm sure this makes no sense to anyone.
We went to see Lady in the Water. Um. It got like two stars, but we were still optimistic. Turns out those two stars were pretty generous. It was sooo bizarre, I'm not even sure I want to explain it. Basically, this lady is sent by a race of water people to give advice to the writer/genius m. night shyamalan. there are dogs covered in grass constantly trying to kill her. this hotel superintendant has to decide which hotel guests play which roles in assisting the great eagle to return her to the ocean or whatever. the dogs almost kill everyone, but luckily the grass monkey judges come and beat the grass dogs just in time. there's also a guy who only works out one side of his body. It's so intriguing. So there you go. Weeiirrrrd movie. so weird. We got to laugh a lot anyway.
Once we got back to Heber, we went to Dairy Keen and got ice cream, then sat around eating and talking. Much fun. Casey and Colin are both really funny. Hopefully it won't take us like another year to hang out with them again, lol.
Much Love, Jennifer
Casey drove us to Bajio (he only missed one turn lane, lol), and we had a bunch of good food. It was no cafe rio, but still very good. Lol, beer beans, "sweet" rice, and tortilla gifts. How "coincidental" that i put my trash in hannah's drink and casey put his in colin's. lol funny guys. after that we went back into the car and listened to this comic on colin's iPod cause we had some time, who was really funny. I'll never look at a hot pocket the same way. "Dead pocket!" haha. I'm sure this makes no sense to anyone.
We went to see Lady in the Water. Um. It got like two stars, but we were still optimistic. Turns out those two stars were pretty generous. It was sooo bizarre, I'm not even sure I want to explain it. Basically, this lady is sent by a race of water people to give advice to the writer/genius m. night shyamalan. there are dogs covered in grass constantly trying to kill her. this hotel superintendant has to decide which hotel guests play which roles in assisting the great eagle to return her to the ocean or whatever. the dogs almost kill everyone, but luckily the grass monkey judges come and beat the grass dogs just in time. there's also a guy who only works out one side of his body. It's so intriguing. So there you go. Weeiirrrrd movie. so weird. We got to laugh a lot anyway.
Once we got back to Heber, we went to Dairy Keen and got ice cream, then sat around eating and talking. Much fun. Casey and Colin are both really funny. Hopefully it won't take us like another year to hang out with them again, lol.
Much Love, Jennifer
Monday, July 31, 2006
efy
I was at EFY all of last week, and I wish I was still there! It was such a great year, and we had tons of awesome people in our group. Plus Hannah and I were in the variety show. It rocked! Also, one of the scariest things I've ever done. But still, it was really fun. That's all.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Stuff
Not much has been happening to write about. But, no matter what you people (BESTO) think, I believe in blogging no matter what! No matter what kind of boring stuff you guys have to hear about, I will still blog.
Hmmm. It's been a boring week. Ugh, everything is boring after Tennessee. I've started swimming in the morning again, so that's going ok. Today, I think, we swam....somewhere around 1200 m. I was reading these random blogs last night, and one talked about their, like, extreme, amazing, swim workout, which turned out to be 600 m. Pfft, that's all I say. I would also like to add that I am Queen of lane three. that's right. Queen! They say to me, "slow down" but no. I will swim as I wish, I am queen. lol. They're like 12. I'm evil.
So. I've been saying "I called it" for like two weeks now because of the Morgan thing, but I'm going to say it again. I called it. Awhile ago, I was talking to someone (lol you'll all get this), and I told him he would be over me before the end of summer. I'm pretty sure I was right. Which is ok. I mean, I want him to be really really unbelievably happy, and this whole undefined weird thing with me/him is not doing that, I don't think.
Welllll I'm bored. What else happened? Ohh. Last weekend Tyler Riffle was up for the air show, so we met for lunch and talked for awhile. I forgot how fun he is! It was good to see him. Summer looks good on him. :)
Hmmm. It's been a boring week. Ugh, everything is boring after Tennessee. I've started swimming in the morning again, so that's going ok. Today, I think, we swam....somewhere around 1200 m. I was reading these random blogs last night, and one talked about their, like, extreme, amazing, swim workout, which turned out to be 600 m. Pfft, that's all I say. I would also like to add that I am Queen of lane three. that's right. Queen! They say to me, "slow down" but no. I will swim as I wish, I am queen. lol. They're like 12. I'm evil.
So. I've been saying "I called it" for like two weeks now because of the Morgan thing, but I'm going to say it again. I called it. Awhile ago, I was talking to someone (lol you'll all get this), and I told him he would be over me before the end of summer. I'm pretty sure I was right. Which is ok. I mean, I want him to be really really unbelievably happy, and this whole undefined weird thing with me/him is not doing that, I don't think.
Welllll I'm bored. What else happened? Ohh. Last weekend Tyler Riffle was up for the air show, so we met for lunch and talked for awhile. I forgot how fun he is! It was good to see him. Summer looks good on him. :)
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Well, things were good...
I realized I have problems again. Ugh. Not that I want to post them all over the internet or anything, but I should've realized what I was doing before I did everything AGAIN. I'm just really mad at myself right now, cause it might be hard to fix it all again.
Also, I realized how tired I get of girls, and the stupid things they do to each other. True, I am a girl, but I like to think I've taken a step away from all of that, because it bothers me so much. Girls can be sooo mean! So much drama...I hate it, but they won't let it go, so it keeps going and going until it's out of control. So that sucks. Don't be a stupid girl.
Anyway, happier stuff... I went boating yesterday for young women's! Very very fun! I love to be on the lake, but I love to be wakeboarding on the lake even more! I'm not that great, but I can finally get up without too much trouble now, and all. I love love love that feeling though. One of my favorite parts of summer, for sure.
Love, Jennifer
Also, I realized how tired I get of girls, and the stupid things they do to each other. True, I am a girl, but I like to think I've taken a step away from all of that, because it bothers me so much. Girls can be sooo mean! So much drama...I hate it, but they won't let it go, so it keeps going and going until it's out of control. So that sucks. Don't be a stupid girl.
Anyway, happier stuff... I went boating yesterday for young women's! Very very fun! I love to be on the lake, but I love to be wakeboarding on the lake even more! I'm not that great, but I can finally get up without too much trouble now, and all. I love love love that feeling though. One of my favorite parts of summer, for sure.
Love, Jennifer
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Back From Nashville
Yesterday I got back from FBLA Nationals in Nashville, TN, which was really really really fun. And hot/humid! We stayed in this gargantuous hotel, which I'm not going to tell you the name of, because you'll only laugh, but it was an amazing building. It's like the biggest thing I've ever seen and definately the nicest hotel I've ever stayed in!
I didn't place in the top ten of my even, Principles and Procedures, but I could've told you that would happen, so I wasn't disappointed or anything. Nathan, on the other hand, took eighth in Future Business Leader, which is the hardest competition of them all. He was ecstatic. And extremely protective of his trophy wife. I mean trophy. I mean trophy wife. Haha, just kidding. It was cool though, him winning and all, because it's super hard for anyone to win anything at Nationals.
We took a tour of the city, went to the Country Music Hall of Fame (Nashville is the country music capitol of the world), went to the Grand Ole Opry, and went on a dinner riverboat cruise. Much fun. And music. Not always good. But still fun. Hannah and I hung out with Casey and Colin the whole week, which made everything that much more fun. They are very very funny, in exactly the way Hannah and I laugh at everything. Same sense of humor, which is good. And now it's hard to tell why people can't tell them apart....they look nothing alike to me now.
Here's the one thing I came home with (lol well i guess there's more, but still..): Airports SUCK. We were stuck in Chicago for five and a half hours on the trip there, and if I never see another airport again, I'll be just fine. Not that I don't like travelling, because I do, but airports suck, and so does the food. It cost me my soul for a hamburger, but it was a delicious hamburger, so I guess it was probably worth it. hahaha
I miss Nashville, and everyone! :(
Much Love, Jennifer
I didn't place in the top ten of my even, Principles and Procedures, but I could've told you that would happen, so I wasn't disappointed or anything. Nathan, on the other hand, took eighth in Future Business Leader, which is the hardest competition of them all. He was ecstatic. And extremely protective of his trophy wife. I mean trophy. I mean trophy wife. Haha, just kidding. It was cool though, him winning and all, because it's super hard for anyone to win anything at Nationals.
We took a tour of the city, went to the Country Music Hall of Fame (Nashville is the country music capitol of the world), went to the Grand Ole Opry, and went on a dinner riverboat cruise. Much fun. And music. Not always good. But still fun. Hannah and I hung out with Casey and Colin the whole week, which made everything that much more fun. They are very very funny, in exactly the way Hannah and I laugh at everything. Same sense of humor, which is good. And now it's hard to tell why people can't tell them apart....they look nothing alike to me now.
Here's the one thing I came home with (lol well i guess there's more, but still..): Airports SUCK. We were stuck in Chicago for five and a half hours on the trip there, and if I never see another airport again, I'll be just fine. Not that I don't like travelling, because I do, but airports suck, and so does the food. It cost me my soul for a hamburger, but it was a delicious hamburger, so I guess it was probably worth it. hahaha
I miss Nashville, and everyone! :(
Much Love, Jennifer
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
The Most Fantastic Day Ever
Swimming was actually really fun today, not that it was easy or anything, but I enjoyed it still. I think I'm getting better, if only a little at a time, so that's probably why I don't hate it quite as much as I used to. If you don't swim, just know this, SWIMMING IS HARD. You think I'm kidding, or making it up, or exaggerating, but I promise, I'm not. I thought running and track and whatnot were hard, but an entire track workout is like swimming's warmup. Seriously. So anyway, swimming was fun, and hopefully I'll start to actually use flipturns from now on, or at least most of the time, or some of the time..... or.....
Hannah and I bought Death Cab tickets! It'll be our little surprise for Morgan when she gets home, cause she's coming with us, we've decided, and bought a ticket for. SO, hopefully she'll be able to go, cause holy cow, we have Death cab tickets :D! Anyway, we go to Smith's in Heber because we don't exactly WANT to have to drive to PC to get them, and it's like an endless pit in front of the store, so for a minute it seems like we won't be able to go inside. You know, endless pit. Anyway, turns out we do go inside, and get tickets, which they make me sign, which i thought was odd, but by now i'd do anything to get my hands on those tickets! Probably I was signing my soul over it, but I don't care.........Death Cab! Then, as we're standing there, we think, too bad we didnt' have to go to PC, cause then we could've gone to Cold Stone for ice cream! That makes us really really want ice cream, so we go to PC. For the ice cream, of course.
We park, in a place that says it's only sixty minute parking, and this lady pulls in next to me. As we're walking away she yells at me adn asks me if that's my car. Why, yes. Then we spend a minute talking about what kind of gas mileage it gets and how it's working out for me and everything. Hahaha. Very nice, thank you. At least she didn't yell something mean, like we were expecting.
So we go in to Cold Stone, and this lady's working, who is always working when we go in, except apparently I've never looked closely at her until today. SHE HAD A BEARD! and a very manly voice. Also, she had no....girly features. I'm fairly sure she could've been a man. At least at one point in her life. Weeirrrrd. So we sit in the back corner, out of sight, and the "girl" starts singing in some weird language. It sounds like a man! We were laughing our heads off, as quietly as we could. We were ALMOST done with our ice cream, and hannah and i had traded flavors cause we were tired of our own, and I found a beard hair! In my (hannah's) ice cream! We left very quickly and quietly.
After we dumped our ice cream (mine watermelon sensation and hannah's strawberry shortcake, both in waffle bowls of course), we decide we need to go to Walmart and go on a $1 shopping spree. It's a very fun game, it is a game, and here's how it goes in case you ever want to play. You go to walmart and split up, you each have like ten or fifteen minutes to buy the other person a present (the weirder the better) for $1 or less. Except ours turned into a $2 shopping spree. It's ok though, this game is very flexible and user-friendly. When we got into the car and gifted, I got a light up tiara, and a foam baguette or french bread loaf or something. I loved it. Hannah got play dough, with sprinkles. It's not edible though, we found out. haha, jk. But it's not edible.
Hannah's texting Randi about the "girl" and the beard hair in the ice cream, and she's trying to type...ahem. Well, a descriptive word in T9, and it comes up as "conclers"! hahahhahahahha. Don't ask me what the word was and don't ask me what conclers means because I don't think i'll tell anyone ever! hahaha.
Then we went home, and I wore my light-up tiara the whole way. I think it added to my obvious air of importance and seeing it, people obviously had a deeper respect for me. Obviously. Hannah made things with her sprinkle play dough.
So there was our fantastic day! It was amazing. And now we only have 7 days until we get to go to Tennessee!!
Hannah and I bought Death Cab tickets! It'll be our little surprise for Morgan when she gets home, cause she's coming with us, we've decided, and bought a ticket for. SO, hopefully she'll be able to go, cause holy cow, we have Death cab tickets :D! Anyway, we go to Smith's in Heber because we don't exactly WANT to have to drive to PC to get them, and it's like an endless pit in front of the store, so for a minute it seems like we won't be able to go inside. You know, endless pit. Anyway, turns out we do go inside, and get tickets, which they make me sign, which i thought was odd, but by now i'd do anything to get my hands on those tickets! Probably I was signing my soul over it, but I don't care.........Death Cab! Then, as we're standing there, we think, too bad we didnt' have to go to PC, cause then we could've gone to Cold Stone for ice cream! That makes us really really want ice cream, so we go to PC. For the ice cream, of course.
We park, in a place that says it's only sixty minute parking, and this lady pulls in next to me. As we're walking away she yells at me adn asks me if that's my car. Why, yes. Then we spend a minute talking about what kind of gas mileage it gets and how it's working out for me and everything. Hahaha. Very nice, thank you. At least she didn't yell something mean, like we were expecting.
So we go in to Cold Stone, and this lady's working, who is always working when we go in, except apparently I've never looked closely at her until today. SHE HAD A BEARD! and a very manly voice. Also, she had no....girly features. I'm fairly sure she could've been a man. At least at one point in her life. Weeirrrrd. So we sit in the back corner, out of sight, and the "girl" starts singing in some weird language. It sounds like a man! We were laughing our heads off, as quietly as we could. We were ALMOST done with our ice cream, and hannah and i had traded flavors cause we were tired of our own, and I found a beard hair! In my (hannah's) ice cream! We left very quickly and quietly.
After we dumped our ice cream (mine watermelon sensation and hannah's strawberry shortcake, both in waffle bowls of course), we decide we need to go to Walmart and go on a $1 shopping spree. It's a very fun game, it is a game, and here's how it goes in case you ever want to play. You go to walmart and split up, you each have like ten or fifteen minutes to buy the other person a present (the weirder the better) for $1 or less. Except ours turned into a $2 shopping spree. It's ok though, this game is very flexible and user-friendly. When we got into the car and gifted, I got a light up tiara, and a foam baguette or french bread loaf or something. I loved it. Hannah got play dough, with sprinkles. It's not edible though, we found out. haha, jk. But it's not edible.
Hannah's texting Randi about the "girl" and the beard hair in the ice cream, and she's trying to type...ahem. Well, a descriptive word in T9, and it comes up as "conclers"! hahahhahahahha. Don't ask me what the word was and don't ask me what conclers means because I don't think i'll tell anyone ever! hahaha.
Then we went home, and I wore my light-up tiara the whole way. I think it added to my obvious air of importance and seeing it, people obviously had a deeper respect for me. Obviously. Hannah made things with her sprinkle play dough.
So there was our fantastic day! It was amazing. And now we only have 7 days until we get to go to Tennessee!!
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Friday, June 16, 2006
Dave Barry
Enjoy these six million Dave Barry quotes.... :D
"In some versions of my original contest column I had proposed, in a lighthearted manner, that we reduce the deficit by 'selling unnecessary states such as Oklahoma to the Japanese.' This caused a number of Oklahomans to send in letters containing many correctly spelled words and making the central lighthearted point that I am a jerk. They also sent me official literature stating that Oklahoma has enormous quantities of culture in the form of ballet, Oral Roberts, etc., and that the Official State Reptile -- I am not making this up -- is something called the 'Mountain Boomer.' So I apologize to Oklahoma, and as a token of my sincerity I'm willing to sell my state, Florida, to the Japanese, assuming nobody objects to the fact that Japan would suddenly become the most heavily armed nation on Earth."
"I probably should never have been there anyway, and it served me right when the two alert police officers fired up their siren, pulled me over, and pointed out that my car's registration had expired. I had not realized this, and as you can imagine I felt like quite the renegade outlaw as one of the officers painstakingly wrote out my ticket, standing well to the side of the road so as to avoid getting hit by the steady stream of passing unlicensed and uninsured motorists driving their stolen cars with their left hands so that their right hands would be free to keep their pit bulls from spilling their cocaine all over their machine guns. Not that I am bitter."
"I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting, possibly because the person who was supposed to provide them with a melody never showed up."
"There are many silly superstitions about lightning, and as a result many people - maybe even you - are terrified of it. You shouldn't worry. Thanks to modern science we now know that lightning is nothing more than huge chunks of electricity that can come out of the sky, anytime, anywhere, and kill you."
"The only flaw in the Hinckley trial is that it left a lot of people with the impression that psychiatrists are just a bunch of bearded voodoo doctors who espouse confusing and wildly contradictory theories that have nothing to do with common sense. This is totally unfair. Many psychiatrists are clean-shaven."
"Back in the old days, most families were close-knit. Grown children and their parents continued to live together, under the same roof, sometimes in the same small, crowded room, year in and year out, until they died, frequently by strangulation."
"Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet."
"Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough."
"Puns are little plays on words that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look at you in a certain self-satisfied way to indicate that he thinks that you must think that he is by far the cleverest person on Earth now that Benjamin Franklin is dead."
"Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth."
"Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing."
http://www.quotedb.com/
Turbulence: This is what pilots announce that you have encountered when your plane strikes an object in midair. You'll be flying along, and there will be an enormous, shuddering WHUMP, and clearly the plane has rammed into an airborne object at least the size of a water buffalo, and the pilot will say, "Folks, we're encountering a little turbulence." Meanwhile they are up there in the cockpit trying desperately to clean water buffalo organs off the windshield.
If you're apprehensive about flying, let me assure you, as a frequent flier, that few experiences are more enjoyable than being seven miles above the Earth's surface in a crowded aging piece of machinery held aloft by principles of physics that you do not even dimly grasp while giant invisible gravity rays pound relentlessly on the roof.
In summary, then, we see that, because of the location and nature of their respective organs, women tend to have a more serious, thoughtful, and responsible attitude towards relationships than men do. I realize this is an absurd generalization, but my feeling is that if we can't have absurd generalizations, we might as well not even bother to write books.
New York is in fact a major tourist destination, drawing millions of visitors each year, the majority of whom are never robbed and stabbed and left on the sidewalk to bleed to death while being stepped over by enough people to populate the entire state of Montana. Their secret? They follow certain common-sense New York City safety rules, such as:
-Always walk at least 30 miles per hour.
-Always keep your money and other valuables in a safe place, such as Switzerland.
-Avoid unsafe areas, such as your hotel bathroom.
-Never make eye contact. This is asking to be mugged. In the New York court system, a mugger is automatically declared not guilty if the defense can prove that the victim has a history of making eye contact.
The French are not rude. They just happen to hate you. But that is no reason to bypass this beautiful country, whose master chefs have a well-deserved worldwide reputation for trying to trick people into eating snails. Nobody is sure how this got started. Probably a couple of French master chefs were standing around one day, and they found a snail, and one of them said: "I bet that if we called this something like `escargot,' tourists would eat it." Then they had hearty laugh, because "escargot" is the French word for "fat crawling bag of phlegm."
Poland has experienced a tremendous amount of history due to the fact that it has no natural defensible borders, which makes it very easy to conquer. Many times the other nations didn't even mean to invade Poland; one night they'd simply forget to set the parking brakes on their tanks, and they'd wake up the next morning to discover that, whoosh, they had conquered Poland.
I'm an experienced South Florida driver, and almost getting hit is *nothing*. It's routine. It happens *every day*. I'm so used to it that I don't even bother to honk at motorists who almost kill me. Generally it's a bad idea to honk down here anyway, inasmuch as the South Florida motoring public is as heavily armed as Iraq, but not as peace-loving.
I disapprove of the F-word, not because it's dirty, but because we use it as a substitute for thoughtful insults, and it frequently leads to violence. What we ought to do, when we anger each other, say, in traffic, is exchange phone numbers, so that later on, when we've had time to think of witty and learned insults or look them up in the library, we could call each other up:
You: Hello? Bob?
Bob: Yes?
You: This is Ed. Remember? The person whose parking space you took last Thursday? Outside of Sears?
Bob: Oh yes! Sure! How are you, Ed?
You: Fine, thanks. Listen, Bob, the reason I'm calling is: "Madam, you may be drunk, but I am ugly, and ..." No, wait. I mean: "you may be ugly, but I am Winston Churchill and ..." No, wait. (Sound of reference book thudding onto the floor.) S-word. Excuse me. Look, Bob, I'm going to have to get back to you.
Bob: Fine.
DAVE BARRY's GUIDE TO COLLEGE
ENGLISH: This involves writing papers about long books you have read little snippets of just before class. Here is a tip on how to get good grades on your English papers: Never say anything about a book that anybody with any common sense would say. For example, suppose you are studying Moby-Dick. Anybody with any common sense would say that Moby-Dick is a big white whale, since the characters in the book refer to it as a big white whale roughly eleven thousand times. So in *your* paper, *you* say Moby-Dick is actually the Republic of Ireland. Your professor, who is sick to death of reading papers and never liked Moby-Dick anyway, will think you are enormously creative. If you can regularly come up with lunatic interpretations of simple s tories, you should major in English.
PHILOSOPHY: Basically, this involves sitting in a room and deciding there is no such thing as reality and then going to lunch. You should major in philosophy if you plan to take a lot of drugs.
June 14: Eight concerned parents in rural Georgia sue the local school district for teaching their children the alphabet, which can be used to form dirty words.
Computers are getting smarter all the time: scientists tell us that soon they will be able to talk to us. (By "they" I mean "computers": I doubt scientists will ever be able to talk to us.)
In most nations, when people say "football", they mean "soccer", which is a completely different game in which smallish persons whiz about on a field while the spectators beat each other up and eventually overthrow the government. I don't know why the other nations call soccer "football," but I suspect it has something to do with the metric system and I say the (heck) with it.
To understand the importance of financial planning for your retirement years, let's consider the famous true Aesop's fable about the grasshopper and the ant.
It seems that many years ago, there lived a lazy grasshopper and a hardworking ant. All summer long, while the ant was busily networking with other ants and gathering food, the grasshopper sat around drinking vodka gimlets and watching "General Hospital." When winter came, the grasshopper had nothing to eat, while the ant was snug and warm in his cozy little house filled with putrefying chunks of road-kill raccoon. Finally the grasshopper, starving, came to the ant's door and said, "Can I have some food?" And the ant said: "Well, I suppose GAACCKK," and they were both crushed by rocks dropped on them by Boy Scouts on a nature walk. This was a very poor financial decision, when you think how much money these boys could have gotten for a pair of talking insects.
Socially prominent people are very fond of disease, because it gives them a chance to have these really elaborate charity functions, and the newspaper headlines say, "EVENING IN PARIS BALL RAISES MONEY TO FIGHT GOUT" instead of "RICH PEOPLE AMUSE THEMSELVES."
The presidential race heats up as George W. Bush proposes an idea that he came up with recently while reading an index card, which is to allow younger workers to take some of their Social Security money and, as the governor puts it, "investisize in the stocks market or professional baseball teams or whatever and thusly enjoy the labors of their fruits." Vice President Al Gore immediately criticizes this plan as a "risky scheme" that could result in "millions of dead senior citizens," which in turn "could impact global warming." Polls show that this is a hot-button issue with the public, with 50 percent of likely voters wishing they had two other candidates to choose from, and the other 50 percent agreeing.
homepage.eircom.net/~odyssey/ Quotes/Modern_World/Dave_Barry.html
"In some versions of my original contest column I had proposed, in a lighthearted manner, that we reduce the deficit by 'selling unnecessary states such as Oklahoma to the Japanese.' This caused a number of Oklahomans to send in letters containing many correctly spelled words and making the central lighthearted point that I am a jerk. They also sent me official literature stating that Oklahoma has enormous quantities of culture in the form of ballet, Oral Roberts, etc., and that the Official State Reptile -- I am not making this up -- is something called the 'Mountain Boomer.' So I apologize to Oklahoma, and as a token of my sincerity I'm willing to sell my state, Florida, to the Japanese, assuming nobody objects to the fact that Japan would suddenly become the most heavily armed nation on Earth."
"I probably should never have been there anyway, and it served me right when the two alert police officers fired up their siren, pulled me over, and pointed out that my car's registration had expired. I had not realized this, and as you can imagine I felt like quite the renegade outlaw as one of the officers painstakingly wrote out my ticket, standing well to the side of the road so as to avoid getting hit by the steady stream of passing unlicensed and uninsured motorists driving their stolen cars with their left hands so that their right hands would be free to keep their pit bulls from spilling their cocaine all over their machine guns. Not that I am bitter."
"I hate rap music, which to me sounds like a bunch of angry men shouting, possibly because the person who was supposed to provide them with a melody never showed up."
"There are many silly superstitions about lightning, and as a result many people - maybe even you - are terrified of it. You shouldn't worry. Thanks to modern science we now know that lightning is nothing more than huge chunks of electricity that can come out of the sky, anytime, anywhere, and kill you."
"The only flaw in the Hinckley trial is that it left a lot of people with the impression that psychiatrists are just a bunch of bearded voodoo doctors who espouse confusing and wildly contradictory theories that have nothing to do with common sense. This is totally unfair. Many psychiatrists are clean-shaven."
"Back in the old days, most families were close-knit. Grown children and their parents continued to live together, under the same roof, sometimes in the same small, crowded room, year in and year out, until they died, frequently by strangulation."
"Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet."
"Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough."
"Puns are little plays on words that a certain breed of person loves to spring on you and then look at you in a certain self-satisfied way to indicate that he thinks that you must think that he is by far the cleverest person on Earth now that Benjamin Franklin is dead."
"Buying the right computer and getting it to work properly is no more complicated than building a nuclear reactor from wristwatch parts in a darkened room using only your teeth."
"Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing."
http://www.quotedb.com/
Turbulence: This is what pilots announce that you have encountered when your plane strikes an object in midair. You'll be flying along, and there will be an enormous, shuddering WHUMP, and clearly the plane has rammed into an airborne object at least the size of a water buffalo, and the pilot will say, "Folks, we're encountering a little turbulence." Meanwhile they are up there in the cockpit trying desperately to clean water buffalo organs off the windshield.
If you're apprehensive about flying, let me assure you, as a frequent flier, that few experiences are more enjoyable than being seven miles above the Earth's surface in a crowded aging piece of machinery held aloft by principles of physics that you do not even dimly grasp while giant invisible gravity rays pound relentlessly on the roof.
In summary, then, we see that, because of the location and nature of their respective organs, women tend to have a more serious, thoughtful, and responsible attitude towards relationships than men do. I realize this is an absurd generalization, but my feeling is that if we can't have absurd generalizations, we might as well not even bother to write books.
New York is in fact a major tourist destination, drawing millions of visitors each year, the majority of whom are never robbed and stabbed and left on the sidewalk to bleed to death while being stepped over by enough people to populate the entire state of Montana. Their secret? They follow certain common-sense New York City safety rules, such as:
-Always walk at least 30 miles per hour.
-Always keep your money and other valuables in a safe place, such as Switzerland.
-Avoid unsafe areas, such as your hotel bathroom.
-Never make eye contact. This is asking to be mugged. In the New York court system, a mugger is automatically declared not guilty if the defense can prove that the victim has a history of making eye contact.
The French are not rude. They just happen to hate you. But that is no reason to bypass this beautiful country, whose master chefs have a well-deserved worldwide reputation for trying to trick people into eating snails. Nobody is sure how this got started. Probably a couple of French master chefs were standing around one day, and they found a snail, and one of them said: "I bet that if we called this something like `escargot,' tourists would eat it." Then they had hearty laugh, because "escargot" is the French word for "fat crawling bag of phlegm."
Poland has experienced a tremendous amount of history due to the fact that it has no natural defensible borders, which makes it very easy to conquer. Many times the other nations didn't even mean to invade Poland; one night they'd simply forget to set the parking brakes on their tanks, and they'd wake up the next morning to discover that, whoosh, they had conquered Poland.
I'm an experienced South Florida driver, and almost getting hit is *nothing*. It's routine. It happens *every day*. I'm so used to it that I don't even bother to honk at motorists who almost kill me. Generally it's a bad idea to honk down here anyway, inasmuch as the South Florida motoring public is as heavily armed as Iraq, but not as peace-loving.
I disapprove of the F-word, not because it's dirty, but because we use it as a substitute for thoughtful insults, and it frequently leads to violence. What we ought to do, when we anger each other, say, in traffic, is exchange phone numbers, so that later on, when we've had time to think of witty and learned insults or look them up in the library, we could call each other up:
You: Hello? Bob?
Bob: Yes?
You: This is Ed. Remember? The person whose parking space you took last Thursday? Outside of Sears?
Bob: Oh yes! Sure! How are you, Ed?
You: Fine, thanks. Listen, Bob, the reason I'm calling is: "Madam, you may be drunk, but I am ugly, and ..." No, wait. I mean: "you may be ugly, but I am Winston Churchill and ..." No, wait. (Sound of reference book thudding onto the floor.) S-word. Excuse me. Look, Bob, I'm going to have to get back to you.
Bob: Fine.
DAVE BARRY's GUIDE TO COLLEGE
ENGLISH: This involves writing papers about long books you have read little snippets of just before class. Here is a tip on how to get good grades on your English papers: Never say anything about a book that anybody with any common sense would say. For example, suppose you are studying Moby-Dick. Anybody with any common sense would say that Moby-Dick is a big white whale, since the characters in the book refer to it as a big white whale roughly eleven thousand times. So in *your* paper, *you* say Moby-Dick is actually the Republic of Ireland. Your professor, who is sick to death of reading papers and never liked Moby-Dick anyway, will think you are enormously creative. If you can regularly come up with lunatic interpretations of simple s tories, you should major in English.
PHILOSOPHY: Basically, this involves sitting in a room and deciding there is no such thing as reality and then going to lunch. You should major in philosophy if you plan to take a lot of drugs.
June 14: Eight concerned parents in rural Georgia sue the local school district for teaching their children the alphabet, which can be used to form dirty words.
Computers are getting smarter all the time: scientists tell us that soon they will be able to talk to us. (By "they" I mean "computers": I doubt scientists will ever be able to talk to us.)
In most nations, when people say "football", they mean "soccer", which is a completely different game in which smallish persons whiz about on a field while the spectators beat each other up and eventually overthrow the government. I don't know why the other nations call soccer "football," but I suspect it has something to do with the metric system and I say the (heck) with it.
To understand the importance of financial planning for your retirement years, let's consider the famous true Aesop's fable about the grasshopper and the ant.
It seems that many years ago, there lived a lazy grasshopper and a hardworking ant. All summer long, while the ant was busily networking with other ants and gathering food, the grasshopper sat around drinking vodka gimlets and watching "General Hospital." When winter came, the grasshopper had nothing to eat, while the ant was snug and warm in his cozy little house filled with putrefying chunks of road-kill raccoon. Finally the grasshopper, starving, came to the ant's door and said, "Can I have some food?" And the ant said: "Well, I suppose GAACCKK," and they were both crushed by rocks dropped on them by Boy Scouts on a nature walk. This was a very poor financial decision, when you think how much money these boys could have gotten for a pair of talking insects.
Socially prominent people are very fond of disease, because it gives them a chance to have these really elaborate charity functions, and the newspaper headlines say, "EVENING IN PARIS BALL RAISES MONEY TO FIGHT GOUT" instead of "RICH PEOPLE AMUSE THEMSELVES."
The presidential race heats up as George W. Bush proposes an idea that he came up with recently while reading an index card, which is to allow younger workers to take some of their Social Security money and, as the governor puts it, "investisize in the stocks market or professional baseball teams or whatever and thusly enjoy the labors of their fruits." Vice President Al Gore immediately criticizes this plan as a "risky scheme" that could result in "millions of dead senior citizens," which in turn "could impact global warming." Polls show that this is a hot-button issue with the public, with 50 percent of likely voters wishing they had two other candidates to choose from, and the other 50 percent agreeing.
homepage.eircom.net/~odyssey/ Quotes/Modern_World/Dave_Barry.html
Swimming thoughts
So here's what I thought as I was swimming today. You know, I kind of suck at this swimming thing. Well, I don't need to exaggerate, I guess. There are just some aspects, such as stroking, kicking, breathing, and you know...propelling yourself through the water in a timely and comfortable way. So there I was, Australian crawling my way through yet another lap (and I emphasize the crawling part), when I thought, I hate you, pool. I hate you. Then I made up my mind to do everything in my power to take control over all that water, because this was obviously not working. I will conquer you, pool. *much fist shaking. About 300 m later, I was dead tired and ready to give myself over to the evil force I call the Junior High pool. You got me.
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