I just had the strangest dream. It was one of those that affects you so deeply that you can't shake the feeling even after you've woken. In a bid for adventure I mistakenly catapulted myself off this gigantic church-type roof on a bicycle. Absolutely the tallest building ever. The next thing I knew I was sitting contemplating my life because I knew that I'd suffered internal injuries that couldn't be fixed and I had a few days at most to live. Pieces of my body kept detaching themselves from inside as I slowly faded. I cannot even begin to explain the way I felt. The most surprising thing was how much fear I felt. I feared the idea of death so much. Like a thief taking away the single most important thing, death waited for me on the sidelines while I struggled to soak in what little I could with what time I had left. I felt so much regret, and at the same time had a much clearer view of what life really meant. I was so sad for the person I would never come, the fact that I would never be married or have children, graduate college, decide what to do with my life, nothing. It seemed so ridiculous to me, the things I used to worry about. Careers and school schedules absolutely paled in comparison to what I now faced. I felt so terrible for my parents and my brother, who would have to watch me die, and really jealous of those who still had a future ahead of them. Despite all of this, I wasn't angry or bitter, I just knew that it was my destiny to end this way. In a way it was a calm thought, although underneath I still wanted so much.
I'm think I know why I dreamt this, and I'm glad to have felt what I did. My subconscious knew what I did not. Even as I type this, the feeling is fading, but I hope to hold on to as much of it as I possibly can. I am so grateful to be alive right now, to have endless days ahead of me, but still I know that time waits for no one.
Love, Jennifer
1 comment:
wow. that's all i have to say...
wow.
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