So.

I am officially a member of the Real World. Cool, huh?

Love, Jennifer

ps--actually, it is.

the a-word

Lately I've been thinking a lot about being "alone" and what exactly that means. I'm not really sure why; it could be because of this ridiculous impending graduation thing, or because I have the tendency to be "alone" even when I'm with people, or possibly a combination of both, or many other things. Whatever it is, I feel a lot of alone time creeping up on me, which could be either a good thing or a bad thing. I'm not sure. It's a strange feeling, being alone. I don't mean this in a complain-y way at all, but despite all the people I know and hang out with, I am essentially alone. Basically all of them have "others" of some sort, whether they be boyfriends/girlfriends, other halves, whatever. I've come to accept the fact that these "others" are (or will be) the most important part of their lives. As it should be. So where does that leave me?

Sometimes I enjoy that feeling of isolation, and can just revel in it and be happy, like today. Other days, other occasions, not so much. I think about who I am, what essential parts of myself I might find in other people, and how fantastic it will be when I find those people.

I think about this a lot, what there is out there waiting for me. It drives me absolutely insane, to tell you the truth. I have this insane hope that there are all of these perfect people for me waiting to be found, that I will soon find them, that it will work out, and make sense. And then I have this insane fear that that does not exist. That I will have to change what I'm looking for because what I envision isn't out there.

Anyway, my point is....wait, what is it? This aloneness thing, it isn't all bad, but wow is it strange. It's a strange thing to think that at this point in my life, the only thing I have holding me to one spot on the earth is my family. It's strange when I think of people who are attached to others, so seriously that it would change the direction of their lives.

Aloneness. We all have to face it at some point.

Much Love, Jennifer

Remember, Remember...

This weekend was a really interesting, really good one.

Friday, it turned out to be a really fantastic sunny day so Brady, Enano, Ed, Britta, and I went to the lake to play around in the water. It was a lot of fun...and kind of funny. I was the only one with a swimsuit, so the guys kind of just stripped to their underwear, and Britta chose to keep her pants on. haha. After that we went to DQ and made a big mess on the table. Later that night I went with M and Grant to the park in the canyon, where we ate about 6 different snack foods that we brought along. We walked down the trail sort of thing to collect this poky flowers for M...As we were all hunched over, wearing blankets, and Grant holding this butterfly net, scraping thorns off plants, I realized how completely crazy we looked. Like woodland hermits. I wished soo badly that we would've had a picture of that. When we got back to M's, we watched "V for Vendetta" which is now one of my favorite movies ever...so good! It was such a crazy day, but one of the best I've had in a long time. Hooray!

Today, I woke up and finished taking pictures of words for my photo project, then decided it was time for another bicycle ride. I took my little red bike all-freaking-over Midway. It was so much fun. About halfway through I realized my cell phone wasn't in my pocket, but I couldn't remember if I'd brought it or not so I wasn't too worried. Then when I got home my mom asked if I lost something...I said yes, probably my cell phone. (I wasn't feeling very bad because I hate that Razr. It sucks. And I have a free upgrade anyway. Oh well.) I guess some guy called from my phone to say he'd found it in the road somewhere, and then he dropped it off at my house. How kind of him! I was impressed. Anyway, that was the adventure today. After I watched P.S. I Love You (good :D ) I went to Michael's wedding reception with my parents, which was really cool and crazy at the same time. He can't get married, that was really not in the plan! Eh, what will you do.

Also, side note, I made this cool shirt by painting on a tan one with bleach! I'm so pleased with myself. haha.

Album of the day: "Adventures In The Underground Journey To The Stars" by South. It was ridiculously perfect for the day.

Love, Jennifer

today is wednesday.

Hello hello hello,

What a crazy week! By crazy I mean fantastic, because I'm basically finished with work for the year, and having a really great time basking in my freedom. I don't have too much to say, except that I'm finally working on "ocean" by John Butler Trio again, and it owns me! It's such a crazy, difficult song, but I love it so much; it's definitely worth it. Seriously, my fingers haven't hurt this much since I first started playing.

Love, Jennifer

ps--if anyone knows where i can get a cheap, (even if old) working video camera, that would be some good information for me. :D

pps--tomorrow is my last Community Lunch of the year, and of high school! ahh!

3 years

So today is a big day. It's my three-year anniversary! Blogging anniversary, that is...haha, it's definitely lasted longer than almost any other relationship I've had. I must say, it's been a fantastic three years. I feel like I've changed a lot and not changed at all. Whatever it's been, at least there's documentation, right?

Today was crazy, for sure. AP English test. Ahh. It was Hard, capital H, but I think I did alright, and I'm glad it's over. I was pretty drained for the rest of the day, but had a good time at M's house with Enano and Cameron watching "Salad Fingers," which is by far the creepiest thing I've ever seen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3gNktI3AF4Q&feature=related

After work, I spent like an hour at Besto's trying to learn the drums...it's actually a lot of fun, and I feel like I'm making at least some progress, so that's good. We watched the Office then went for a drive. Hooray. And now I'm sleepy, so goodnight to you all.

Much love, Jennifer :D

rain, rain, rain

It's absolutely wonderful outside. One of those really stormy, rainy days that I love for no reason at all. It's gray, it's hazy, it's powerful, it's beautiful. The rain is pounding against the walls and windows, the thunder is booming, and I could not be happier.

my breakdown.

I was thinking today about what I really do with my life. For today, here's about how it breaks down in hours:

Sleeping: 7/24
Work (including school and homework): 8/24
Eating: 1/24
Exercising: 1/24
Free time: 7/24

Not too bad, I think. Except ideally, it would probably be less free time (although I do some pretty sweet stuff sometimes, haha), and more exercising. No less sleep! And eating is kind of important. And so is school, etc., at least until the end of may! (I didn't work today, but if I did, minus three hours of free time and put it into the work category).

So, what's my point? I don't really know. I think I'm just grateful for where I'm at in my life. I love that I have enough time to sit down and draw, or paint, or play the guitar, or whatever. Note to future Jeb: don't ever lose sight of the really important things! That's all.

Love, Jennifer

Photo Adventures

So today was day one of working on my final project. You know, I decided for this one, I will do it right. Work on it a lot, hard, and get it finished, without freaking out the last two days and spending hours after school. Plus, I have no 3rd or 4th period, so hopefully I'll be able to work during that time. Anyway, here is my adventure...

My project is a concentration of 12 photo montages (photo montage=a bunch of tiny pictures of an object, all put together, in a not-perfect way. they're great.). My subject is doors....wait, it gets better. haha. Each door will be different, and cool, and interesting. And at the bottom of each one will be a word that means opportunity or some synonym of that. I'm excited. I'm not sure if people really get the idea when I explain it to them, but I like it and think it will turn out well.

So I went to Provo today to check out their doors, and they actually had a few cool ones. The first place I went was the city library, which is this huge stone building. The door I really wanted to photograph was at the top of all of these stairs, and there was this homeless guy sitting at the bottom. I didn't really want to go over there, mostly because I had m's really nice, expensive camera. I kind of walked by, and kept walking around the building, but then felt ridiculous for feeling threatened by him for no reason. So once I got around to the front again (and still felt ridiculous), I just walked up to the steps to go up. The homeless guy was like "Who made your top?"
me: what?
h.g: your shirt, who made it?
me: oh, I don't know
h.g: I'm in fashion, and I'm always looking for labels to carry in my stores. What, did you get it at thrift store or something?
me: no, I've just kind of had it forever.

And then I walked up the stairs, shot the door really quickly, and left. haha. moving on.

I got a few other doors, but none that I really fell in love with, until I was driving around on the backstreets. There was this family outside gardening, and I looked at their door......purple with a rounded top! I simply could not pass it up! So I did a u-turn and parked in front of their house and got out with my camera. they were puzzled. I said, "Could I ask you a strange question? I'm in a photography class and doing a project on doors. Can I take some pictures of your door?" The guy had a big bushy beard and his wife was nice and earthy, and they were just kind of like "uh...sure." So I did. And their son (who was skateboarding) was definitely laughing at me. haha. oh well. My favorite door of the day, for sure.

# of comments on my shirt: 2
# of backstreets I drove down: a lot.
# of cute college guys I saw: 1. very cute.
# of cute college guys I talked to: 0. disappointing.
# of doors I actually photographed: 6
# of times I thought about how much I love my blog readers: 5 million.
Albums of the day: "We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank" by Modest Mouse, and
"Origin of Symmetry" by Muse.


Love, Jennifer

PS--I'm kind of involved in this love affair with M's camera. Really.

The end of it.

well....my night got a lot better :) All I can say is....Party at Natomba's, seeing my artwork hanging in her bathroom, tiny little puppies, David Bowie!, and talking about obsessive compulsions. I love weekends.

Love, Jennifer

how it starts out...

Well, here I am. It's the weekend, which I've been waiting for all week, and I'm sitting at home getting to that crazy-bored state.

Not much to say other than I've started working on dreaming again (it takes a ridiculous amount of work, I'm telling you), and also some self-discipline.

That's it. I'm done. I've gotta go somewhere or do something. Blah.

Love, Jennifer

sun moon stars rain

So Prom was last weekend, and I must say, I had a lot of fun. I'm not sure exactly what it was....Garrett was a fantastic, and we had a really fun date, good food, excellent DJ (for once!), lots of dancing....but I've been on a lot of others that had some or all of these things but didn't leave quite the same impression. I think I'm finally figuring out what this whole high school thing is about, which things I want to remember, which things don't matter at all, the memories I want to have, all of that good stuff. It took me 4 years to decide! But I guess what they say about only appreciating what you have when it's gone is probably true. I can feel time ticking away and it kind of makes me nervous sometimes. I am absolutely ready for the next stage of my life, but I've been happy. I've had so many good memories and met so many good people, it's hard to accept the moving on part of it all.

Anyway, there's my little sappy thought for today.


Today was an exciting milestone for me. I actually turned on the AC in my car! The weather was pristine and warm and wonderful. It gave me hope that there is spring after winter and summer after spring.

I had an interesting dream the other night. I dreamt that I fell in love with someone I know, someone who I never would have really thought about like that, but somehow it still made perfect sense in this dream. Absolutely perfect. It wasn't an especially profound dream, but it kind of made me think about life and how unpredictable it is. How sometimes what it serves is absolutely unexpected but can be better than you would've imagined. It makes me think of "sound of settling" by death cab when it says "...all the loves that could've been, if I'd only thought of something charming to say..." That's all.

wow. why do I kept slipping into this sappy, deep thought process? I am annoying even myself. Haha. Better stop.

Love, Jennifer

.

"What will I do without you?" I asked.

"Many things," he said.

San Francisco and my many Adventures!

Post #250! I'm very excited about that. So San Francisco was ridiculously fantastic, and thanks to super long bus rides, here are some notes from my adventures... (sorry about the crappy cell phone pictures....my camera died. sad stuff.)

April 17, 2008 Thursday

Wow, I am so tired! We drove all through the night to get here in a day, and I'm still trying to adjust for that lack of sleep. The bus seats were really uncomfortable and awkward to sleep in--and somehow Morgan and I didn't realize they could recline until the stop right before we got here! As we were driving past the Great Salt Lake, the sun was setting, and I was listening to Sun Kil Moon. It was just one of those amazing moments where everything feels absolutely and perfectly right. What a fantastic way to start the trip!

At around 9:30 we stopped at a rest stop and realized we were right next to the Salt Flats. I was so excited because I've never been there, and also because it's just so impressive.

Lots of gas and bathroom stops later, we got to Sparks, NV at 2:00 a.m. where we got a new bus driver, a non-sleepy one.

Finally at around 6:30 a.m. I woke up to Mr. Reynolds talking about Hooters and his wife (?!), and saw palm trees and a sunrise. California! Warmth! Everyone stopped at Starbucks or Walmart to get breakfast (and brush our teeth in the bathroom haha), then on we went. Again.

The best surprise was how beautiful and lush and green California is! I was expecting smoggy cities, but for a good 2 or 3 hours, we drove through hills and orchards. I absolutely fell in love with it, with California. :)

We stopped at this Methodist church (gorgeous!) where we had a clinic with the publisher of a concert choir song. She was really good--technical and precise.

Lunch today at In-n-Out burger, which was kind of epic in itself. And pretty good food too.

After lunch, another clinic at a college with Robin Williams! No, not really, but this conductor was so exuberant, he definitely resembled him. His style was much different--really intuitive and emotional instead of technical. A nice change, I thought.

We checked into our hotel, then had a couple hours of free time. M and I walked around outside, where the "ocean" (=mud) comes up to the hotel. Chad and Enano had tried to walk out to the water, but sank knee-deep into the mud.

We found a sign that said, "Warning! When flooded, water may contain sewage." It was hilarious, but maybe not for C&E. Ha.

A cozy cupboard at the hotel :)

Tonight we went to this Baritone performance in San Francisco. It's such an amazing city! We were in the University of California-Berkeley district, where there are a million things going on at once. Street performers, food shops, music, everywhere. It was nearly unbearable to sit in a theater full of old people in stuffy clothes while there was so much outside just screaming my name.

We got these crepes from a tiny shop for dinner, and they were fantastic. On the bus ride back to the hotel, I told Mr. Reynolds what happened to Chad, and he couldn't control the laughter. It was a good moment. Chad said he lost all his dignity, but I'm sure he found it at least a little bit funny.

Long day, but amazing. I love it here.


April 18, 2008 Friday

Today was really nice because I didn't have anything to do besides have fun. We went to Pier 39/Fisherman's Wharf, which is kind of like Navy Pier in Chicago, but way better. It's right on the bay, and just to be next to the ocean was fantastic! I love the water. And the smell. And all of it.

Mr. Reynolds in his little kids' "Cars" sunglasses. What a great guy.

We took this cruise around the bay first. At the end of the dock there were tons and tons of seals just lying there, being happy. It was so cool!

We first sailed over to the Golden Gate Bridge, which is really impressive and huge up close. It was so foggy you couldn't even see the top, and kind of cold, but fantastic anyway.


After the bridge we went around Alcatraz. I loved this part so much! It's such a beautiful, creepy place. It looks so abandoned and grown over, I hated that we couldn't actually stop and tour it.



After the cruise, we had like two hours to go on our own and explore the shops on the wharf, get lunch, and go to the aquarium, etc. Hannah, Morgan, Kami, and I went around together and had a really good time in the photo booth! Four people definitely don't fit in a photo booth, but somehow we did.

We met up with the rest of the group to catch the bus to the exploratorium. Except every bus just drove by because there were way too many of us. A hobo lady yelled at us for laughing too loud. Eventually Mr. Reynolds just made us start walking, up all of these huge steep hills. Definitely San Francisco style. I was absolutely in love with the houses there. I could see myself living in this city. Finally a bus picked us up and took us to the Exploratorium. It was a lot of fun--so many cool sciency things there.

Drinking fountain at the Exploratorium....really hard to use!

Chamber Choir and Advanced Ladies were singing at Milpitas High School tonight. The girl announcing everything was the most annoying girl on earth! And kind of incompetent... She kind of sounded like a seductive recording and repeated her speech like four times because she kept getting it wrong.

Eventually I had to go to the bathroom so I tried to follow the signs but just ended up wandering around on the lawn. The awkward kids at the doors noticed and then escorted me to the bathroom, which was kind of (really) awkward. So that was the adventure of the day. Ha.


April 19, 2008 Saturday

Today was so much fun! We went to Great America, which is a theme park kind of like Lagoon. I forgot how much I love rollercoasters! We were there for like eight hours, and spent the entire time on rides.

I got a henna tattoo of a tiny tree! It's so fantastic, probably my favorite souvenir. Haha. Come to think of it, my only souvenirs are this tattoo, a t-shirt that has nothing to do with san francisco, and some chocolate cigarettes. haha.

My henna tree...kind of light, but it got darker. Hooray!

After we left we drove for a few hours to Reno, where we'll spend the night until we leave in the morning for home.

I am absolutely and completely in love with San Francisco. Seriously. I hate to leave.



April 20, 2008 Sunday

Really long busride. Lots and lots of movies. We did start a fund called "Beards for Bells," where the choir is going to donate $100 to the bell fund if Mr. Reynolds doesn't shave his beard for two weeks. He will probably look like a mountain man. A very young mountain man.

I'm excited to get home, and have a real bed to sleep in. :D




And there you have it. My new favorite city, San Francisco.

Love, Jennifer

Off to San Francisco

I miss you already :) See you in a few, blog friends.

Love, Jennifer

Really knowing.

I was thinking yesterday. I had a really good experience with a person. I had completely misjudged her, expected things with she and I to go badly, and then was pleasantly surprised when they didn't. And as I drove home, marveling at this experience, I realized that the reason we can misjudge people like this is because we don't really know them, we don't really know what's important to them, who they are, all that. And if we took the time and effort to truly know the people we know, how much better our lives would be, and how much better the world would be. I can only think of four people that I truly know. How disappointing. I feel like I have to try harder; this is important. Anyway, my thought for today. Have a good one.

Love, Jennifer

"G"

G is for
ivory.
For diamonds,
For money,
For food in the
Starving mouth,
For black and shining oil.
For more, for more, for more.

G is for
Time.
For grasping
The minutes and seconds
In a slippery grip.
For want,
For desperation.
For more, for more, for more.

G is for
You and I.
For the lacquered past,
For the seeping present,
For the dangerous future.
My bread, your water,
Food for these starving lives.
For more. For more. For more.

Does anyone know what it is?

Love, Jennifer

10 places

So I'm definitely stealing this idea from Travis. These are ten of my very favorite (close) places to go when I want to think, or be amazed, or calm, or have a good time, or anything in between. I have a hard time putting them in order though, so these will just be in random order.

• The Duck Pond: I love this place for no reason at all! It's just a pond with some picky ducks, but I never get tired of it. I've made some really important decisions here, and had some really good talks with people. I love going with Hannah. And by myself. And everyone else. When we were younger, T and I used to ride our bikes here on nice spring sundays after church, and eat lunch, or just bask. Good memories here.

• The Grassy Grass Hill: The day I discovered it was kind of a melancholy day, and it was exactly what I needed to cope with the inevitable end of summer that was approaching. It was a fantastic day, really warm, kind of breezy. And there was the hill, like a gift to me. I still go there and sit whenever possible. The three of us belong there.

• The Hot Pots: Alright, they smell horrible, but are a lot of fun anyway. I remember the first time I saw them, with my dad. And having some interesting conversations there with people I hardly knew. Two words: truck tubbing!

• The Hill: It has the most amazing view at night! And during sunsets. I played ninjas here one day, and go to collect my thoughts. And most importantly, the most honest conversation I have ever had with anyone in my entire life (and the moment when i felt most free) took place here. It's so good for Straight Up.

• A certain secret hiking spot: It's ours, and ours alone. It's definitely a rule that no one is allowed to go here but us. Big Foot lives along the trail somewhere, probably. And his cousin Yeti. It's fantastic for taking pictures in the fall. And in the summer, we hike to the (almost?) top, and sit, and talk about life and drugs and marriage. I love it.

• JR Smith: The ultimate summer hangout spot! That intense night of hide-and-seek is filed away in the coveted "favorite summer memories" part of my brain. Britta and I buried our wish pennies in the ground here, for the rest of forever. Running through the midnight sprinklers with Morgan. Swinging :D

• Deer Creek: The "beach," where Brady karate chops a watermelon every time and we write songs, and float around on rafts. All we do is just be together here, and that's why I love it. In winter, it's all iced-over and ready for burning things (haha...) and if you go on a really clear, dark night, it looks like Alaska or something. It's impressive and beautiful.

• Well, I can't name this one: Sorry. We went here last summer to cross off an item on the list. And it was kind of cold, but really freeing. And really fun. Kind of an adrenaline rush. Getting there is half the fun. With the three of us, we told our secrets to each other. And I will never live mine down.

• The Park: Swinging! And pirate day (Tarkshooth?)! Skipping the last period of the day and going here on sunny spring days with Brady and Britta, lying on the grass. Watching people, or traffic, or nothing. It's even good in the winter, although you'll get some weird looks.

• The driving place: It's more of a route. But when I feel especially frustrated, I drive this way. It's perfect on golden fall days around 4:00. I've never gone all the way, but one day I will. By the end, I feel so much better.

Haha, well, by the end of this, I just ended up sort of alluding to memories I've had at these places. But that's okay; it's what I like best about them.

I hope I can get through school for the rest of the year. Suddenly it seems so hard.

Love, Jennifer

Good News

1) The Graduation trip is basically final. And so much more fantastic than I could've imagined.
2) Finished the last of the AP English essays today, and now I am FREE.
3) I love you all.
4) A lot.

Love, Jennifer

prom 'o8

So, as for news in Jennifer's life, today was the great day of answering Garrett for Prom. :)

When he asked me on Friday, there was this huge box on my lawn with my name spray painted all over it, and when I opened it up, there was a slightly smaller box inside. This went on for like 6 boxes. Anyway, in the very last one, a tiny box by comparison, was a paper that said, "Prom?" and "Garrett" on the other side.

To answer him, I kind of needed to find his house, but had no idea where that was. I got Kyle to go with me, since he knows, but when we got there, no one was home to answer the door! I was a little bit worried, but Kyle called Garrett to ask for the house code (so much for secrecy, haha...) and we went inside and left this pillow case over his pillow...



And left this sign with it...

Hooray! So that was my excitement for today. It's no giant bucket of pudding, but hey...

Love, Jennifer

Spring Break!

I am so in love with spring break, and it doesn't even "officially" begin until tomorrow. Last night was one of the best nights I have had in a long, long time! I went bowling with Erin, Britta, Brady, and Enano. And wow, I am not really good at bowling. But we had a really good time anyway making up names (mine: "Love and War" and "Mushu"). We broke the bowling lane like five times, but hey. We had fun.

After bowling, we picked up Randalynn and went geocaching. Google it. It's a lot of fun. We found one by the cemetery in Midway, but couldn't find the one at Memorial Hill (at this point, we tried to steal enano's car, but they drove away), and didn't really want to tromp through the snow to find the one at the grove.

We went to Erin's house (just girls now) and watched "Paris, Je T'aime," which is a little bit odd, but one of my favorite films ever! I was really happy because i think everyone else liked it too.


That's about it, but it was a really really fantastic night.

And p.s.---enano and I are having the ultimate Monopoly night tiebreaker to determine Monopoly Champion this week. We'll let you know; spectators are welcome. Warning: it gets personal and intense. lol.

Love, Jennifer